To want to go solo to see sister overseas

[WillIEverBeASizeTen]

Am in a relationship of 3 years. We are both early fifties. I haven't been to see my sister at her home since 2007, she came to the UK 2 years ago. I want to go to see her on my own. I want us to go shopping/gossip/girly stuff. If I went with DP he would expect to sightsee (understandably) and/or demand my attention. Rather than have this situation arise I think it best to go alone, and I don't think this is unreasonable, he does. I can "do whatever you want..go for as long as you like..I don't care" I would rather he said "you work hard..don't get to see much of your DSIS..enjoy yourselves"...so..AIBU?

He is telling you that you can go. What's the problem?

Well, sounds like he's a bit fed up and grumpy about missing out on going on holiday with you. And wanting to go away with the woman he's been with for three years, and on top of that, spend time with you, and sightsee while there - it's not exactly arsehole territory! Is there more to the story? So YANBU but neither is he. He's just in a grump by sounds of things.

Just go. He'll just have to like it or lump it. How old is he? 5?

Is this to be your only holiday that year/does it put pressure on joint finances? Theses would be good reasons for him to be unhappy, otherwise not.
But, he is saying go - just not very enthusiastically! So, go.

If he doesn't care then perhaps this isnt the relationship for you.

No it's not the only holiday..no problem with finances (we don't live together) I'm not saying he's on 'arsehole territory' I'm asking for an opinion on whether I'm being unreasonable to want to see my sister alone?

no you are not being unreasonable

go and have a lovely time with your sis

No of course not. Separate holidays (to suit different needs) should be everyone's choice, assuming time and money allow. If he wants to go off to see friend/sporting event/ climb the Andes, you would I assume be fine with this?
As you are three years in please take a stand with this now. Don't expect him to discuss every detail of your holiday with you, just make the plans and do it.

Yanbu its nice to be able to see relatives without their OH all the time.

Whenever we see MIL I encourage them to go out for a walk with DS without me I sleep that way they can chat about stuff without having to explain background info etc.

YANBU, I would feel exactly the same about wanting to spend time with just my sister. Go, and have a lovely time!

Of course you aren't being unreasonable. If your DP wants to sulk about it like a spoiled child, let him get on with it.

If course you aren't being U!

You don't love together. You don't have joint finances. You have more cash and more holiday time to spend on a holiday with him.

He has no grounds for complaint. In fact I think it's a bit strange he is so keen to come and tag along to your time with your sister.

Does he have a burning desire to visit that country? If so maybe a compromise could be reached in that you go for 2 weeks he comes for the second and you go off and see the country with him?

Go! Yanbu

YANBU.

Does he want to meet your sister? Could he come out for the last part of the trip?

Definitely not BU.

I am your age and if I were single again I would mind his attitude.

Get some practice in at doing what you want regardless of his sulking and learn not to care. It's his issue and not yours if he has a problem with you going places without him. Definitely don't change your mind.

Let him be as grumpy as he likes. You've earned the right to holiday exactly as you please.

My DH did this the first time I went away without him. My sister and mother were gobsmacked at his attitude as we left. He apologised when we returned.

Could you compromise and go for a week and then maybe he could join you once you've had time for your catch ups with sister?

If your sister didn't live abroad, you'd probably meet regularly for coffee and a catch-up. Would he expect to sit there like a gooseberry then? Probably not. But she does live abroad, so this trip is essentially two years worth of coffee and catch-up; and he'd be just as much of a gooseberry.

No, I would be TELLING him you are going alone and calling him controlling if he made a fuss. A man who clung on to me wouldn't last as long as 3 years.

Thank you for all your replies. I didn't think I was BU but sometimes I need some confirmation. It's a long haul trip so I won't be doing it annually, so I will go with all your blessings..thanks again for all your advice and opinions.