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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with my mum?

69 replies

Billynomates71 · 19/10/2014 18:54

My dad passed away 16 years ago. Parents were divorced until he was diagnosed with a terminal illness, hastily remarried

OP posts:
Szeli · 19/10/2014 18:55

and what has annoyed you?

guitarosauras · 19/10/2014 18:57

Which part has annoyed you? and why now?

Alisvolatpropiis · 19/10/2014 18:57

Guessing you have more to post op?
Though from what you have initially said, I can understand that a remarrying quickly afterwards would be hard to deal with.

MrsCumbersnatch · 19/10/2014 18:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

phantomnamechanger · 19/10/2014 18:59

your parents remarried, having been divorced, because he was terminally ill? he died 16 yrs ago? and???

Alisvolatpropiis · 19/10/2014 19:02

I'm assuming that op's much remarried quickly after her husband passed away?

Alisvolatpropiis · 19/10/2014 19:02

*mum

Original poster
Billynomates71 · 19/10/2014 19:02

Right I'll try again. Stupid iPad.

My dad passed away 16 years ago. Parents were amicably divorced until he was diagnosed with a terminal illness and 3 months to live. They hastily remarried to ensure mum inherited everything including his pension.

2 years later she sold dads London bachelor pad, realised a lot of capital and invested it in a property with my db (no capita, just mortgage on his part). In London. It has now tripled in value and is almost 7 figures. He lived in it for two years then moved in with dm and rented it out, living on the excess of the rent after the mortgage was paid.

They are now selling his property in London and her property in the country and combining the profit from the two in a stonking enormous place (8beds) for them to share and to be a home for life for him.

I have seen nothing from the sale of dads flat, other than paying off a £5k credit card bill. I don't own my own house because I have not been able to raise the capital since funding myself through uni as a single parent.

I know it's her money and all, and i can't tell her how/what to spend it on but AIBU to be a bit peeved?

OP posts:
amyhamster · 19/10/2014 19:04

:(
Could you talk to your brother?

Original poster
Billynomates71 · 19/10/2014 19:06

I have, many times. We fell out over it a couple of years ago, and didn't speak for a year. It's all coming to a head again now they are selling and moving.

OP posts:
wheretoyougonow · 19/10/2014 19:09

I can understand your point of view but it's not your money. Your dad wanted your mum to have it and she has. They have made a good investment and are now reaping the rewards.

MelanieCheeks · 19/10/2014 19:11

Can you find a way to have some sort of relationship with your brother and mother that isn't tainted by financial gain?

Original poster
Billynomates71 · 19/10/2014 19:11

I appreciate they have made a good investment and are reaping the rewards. And I am very happy for them for that. But I too might have made an equally good investment had I been given the opportunity and half the capital?

OP posts:
Fabulous46 · 19/10/2014 19:14

It's not your money though. It's your mums and she can do with it what she wants.

Original poster
Billynomates71 · 19/10/2014 19:17

I do have a relationship with them both, but cant help feeling irked and am simply asking AIBU. I don't like feeling this way about them but can't seem to make it stop.

OP posts:
Fabulous46 · 19/10/2014 19:18

I think YABU. It's your mums money and not yours. She can spend it how she likes.

Original poster
Billynomates71 · 19/10/2014 19:19

Fabulous46 - I know it's her money to do with how she pleases. But would you invest all your money in one child and not the other? I wouldn't. I have 3 kids and hope to be able to help them all equally, I cannot imagine pumping all my available cash into one child and not the others?

OP posts:
oddsocksmostly · 19/10/2014 19:20

YANBU, have you talked to your Mum?

wheretoyougonow · 19/10/2014 19:22

You can't change what has happened. It's natural to feel a bit gutted/ jealous but I really don't think anything you do will change the situation.
You need to learn to accept it. I don't think it's that easy but it's better than loosing your family over money.
I have also experienced money inequality in our family. It's hard but I can't change how they act to me but I can change how I react to them.
Thanks

Original poster
Billynomates71 · 19/10/2014 19:22

I can see a pattern forming, that I am BU. Sad

I hope none of you do this to your kids, because it hurts. It's not about the money it's about favouritism.

OP posts:
bauhausfan · 19/10/2014 19:24

I don't think you are BU op. I walked away from my family due to me and another sibling always being second best. I'd never do that to my own kids.

diaimchlo · 19/10/2014 19:25

YANBU at all, you should have been given the opportunity.

Talk to them both about it.

wheretoyougonow · 19/10/2014 19:25

But you didn't have the capital to
Invest in the first place. If you did then they would be unreasonable. The alternative is that neither of them make an investment in case it upsets you!

HeartShapedBox · 19/10/2014 19:27

I can see where you're coming from op.

yes, it's your mum's money ( only because she remarried your dad before he passed away) but it seems really snide to totally exclude you.

if it wasn't for the hasty remarriage, I'm assuming the property/money would have been split between you and your brother?

has your mum always favoured him over you?

farendofafart · 19/10/2014 19:27

I can totally see where you are coming from OP. I have no advice but I really do sympathise.