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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to hate my partners ex!!!

82 replies

paulalouise92 · 16/10/2014 18:41

To cut a long story short!

They have a child together she always palms this child off with my partners parents as my partner works! She hasn't had him for the past week and Tuesday she came to pick him up she handed my partner a card from their child saying I love my daddy and pictures of my partner and his child on this card!

Now that's not my problem my problem is they are personal photos and she hasn't had her child for a weekso she must of made it without her child being there!

AIBU to hate her purely for the fact she never has her child and does little stunts like this to actually make out she cares!

OP posts:

hmc · 16/10/2014 19:06

Do you feel that she is a threat to you op?

MrsDeVere · 16/10/2014 19:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Viviennemary · 16/10/2014 19:08

You do sound a bit obsessed with his ex. I do sympathise as it can't be easy coping with a partner's ex who is still around. However, you are with him now and you have to focus on that and don't be judgemental about small things.

GahLinDah · 16/10/2014 19:08

I wrote a long post out then saw this. Apocalypse has it in a nutshell.

"Even if she is being selfish, couldn't you just mind your own business? It's nothing to do with you, you shouldn't even really trouble yourself to have an opinion."

You sound a bit jealous or something, it's not your issue to be getting so worked up about. Does you dp mind, or are you the driving force behind it all?

DizzyKipper · 16/10/2014 19:10

So if I'm getting this right, the issue is that you don't think the ex really cares about or wants to spend time with her own child? You think she gets rid of him at every opportunity? Going against the grain here, I don't think that's an unreasonable thing to get upset over - it's unpleasant for children when their own parents don't want to spend any time with them. That's if my interpretation is right and if your interpretation is right.

TheMagicChicken · 16/10/2014 19:11

Are you the OW?

You are aren't you?

ArsenicChaseScream · 16/10/2014 19:11

How old is the child?

WestEast · 16/10/2014 19:12

You sound like a teenager.
Back off.

Original poster

paulalouise92 · 16/10/2014 19:13

Yes my issue here is that she just can't wait to get rid of him basically everybody has tried talking to her but it goes in one ear and out the other I love having him with us every weekend but I really do feel for him as he never really sees his mum!
Maybe it is none of my business but I see it as there's people out there who can't have children or who have had their children taken away and she doesn't seem to understand that! Little things niggle at me but that's my main annoyance

OP posts:

Goldmandra · 16/10/2014 19:14

It sounds like the child has a rather chaotic life with his mother for whatever reason. His father and other family members who love him are looking after him the majority of the time which sounds very appropriate given the alternative.

The highest priority for everyone should be the welfare of the child, not who is doing more work or going behind whose back.

YANBU to feel sad for the child that his mother doesn't seem to enjoy spending time with him but that's about as far as it goes.

If you feel resentful about him spending extra time with you, this is an issue that you need to have think about the future of your relationship. It sounds like this little boy needs to feel unconditionally welcomed into his father's home, especially as this is likely to be his only hope of a stable home life.

Fanfeckintastic · 16/10/2014 19:14

Absolutely NONE of your business!!

Goldmandra · 16/10/2014 19:15

Crossed posts.

I'm really pleased to hear that you love having him.

Your focus needs to be giving him the love and stability that is lacking elsewhere in his life. It will make a big difference.

Nicknacky · 16/10/2014 19:15

To be honest, there is nothing you can do about how much time the mum spends with him. You can't change it so don't stress about it.

Does it bother your partner?

ArsenicChaseScream · 16/10/2014 19:16

I think you are too immature to be in a relationship with a parent.

I can't believe you used the word 'hate' for this niggle.

Original poster

paulalouise92 · 16/10/2014 19:17

As I have said I love having him with us and I'm glad he spends as much time as possible with us and his grandparents I just can't get my head around why she wouldn't want to spend time with him! It took me a very long time to fall pregnant my daughter now has cerebral palsy and i Kiev spending every moment with her I just couldn't even think about wanting to Palm her off all the time just so she can go out drinking during the week and at weekends

OP posts:

ApocalypseThen · 16/10/2014 19:17

You need to back off. You shouldn't be saying anything - at all - to her about how much time you think she spends with her child. And you certainly shouldn't be using infertile women's problems to justify to jealous hatred of this woman. Get your act together and grow up.

AcrossthePond55 · 16/10/2014 19:17

So, if mother of child 'doesn't ever have' the child, why doesn't the father take full custody? Sounds as if she wouldn't mind. Are you really concerned about her parenting or is it that you resent the amount of time he is spending with his child instead of with you?

As far as the grandparents, it's none of your business how much time they have their grandson. If they aren't happy with the arrangement it's up to them to do something about it. Like tell their son that he needs to have the child at his house.

Actually, none of it is any of your business. The only thing that IS is whether or not you are ready to have a relationship with someone who has a child in the first place.

Nicknacky · 16/10/2014 19:18

So you parent differently to her, don't stress about it!

Hissy · 16/10/2014 19:19

he's a boyfriend love. and if he had any sense at all, he'd not be your boyfriend.

you have no right whatsoever to even have an opinion on his child's care.

back off, and go and find a man that has no children/past/baggage.

Only1scoop · 16/10/2014 19:19

Enjoy your new relationship.... whats the rush with all the family opinions and dislike....

You may have an opinion and a point but its SO none of your business.

gincamparidryvermouth · 16/10/2014 19:19

Fabulous46 · 16/10/2014 19:20

Jeezo! I have a child with someone else so does DH. I was so impressed that his mum and dad had DSD for a week at a time so they could have her "all to themselves" as they put it. His ex used to go abroad and have a rest. It never bothered me in the slightest. I was always slightly jealous my ex's parents only saw my DS for a few hours at a time. As for the card I think that's lovely. You sound a bit jealous OP.

DizzyKipper · 16/10/2014 19:21

I was thinking the father should go for full custody too, if the mother genuinely doesn't like or want to spend time with him it will be incredibly destructive for his self esteem.

EustaciaBenson · 16/10/2014 19:22

So your partner seems to have his children for 4 whole days and 2 nights out of every 14 days? Because that does seem like their mum has the bulk of their childcare, which she then asks other people for help with. If your dp doesnt care enough to sort this out and his parents are happy to do the childcare then I dont understand the problem? You say your dp has to look after the children more often than the arrangement, but the arrangement was never equal jn the first place, so maybe she's looking to redress the balance

It feels like youve left a lot out in your posts but on what you have posted so far I would say yabu and its not necessarily anything you should be trying to change. If your dp wants it to change then you can support him in that but otherwise if everyone else involved is happy you should leave it alone

Original poster

paulalouise92 · 16/10/2014 19:25

Hmm yes maybe I am being unreasonable it's just so frustrating as he's such a lovely boy I don't really understand why she wouldn't want to spend time with him! We have spoke about it and hopefully things get sorted soon as he is passed from pillar to post!

Thank you for all of your feedback negative an all :-)

OP posts:

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