My sister.

[Spaceboundeminem]

I am looking for somewhere to vent as some people might know I have a lot of involvement in my dsis age 13 care. I take her to and from school she spends the weekend at mine and sometimes sleeps over during the week.

I have just got back off holiday to find that my mother who was looking after dog gave my sister access to my house.

She threw a house party I got home to discover all my alcohol gone including a bottle of expensive champagne given as a wedding present.

My house is a pig sty, there are empty cans and bottles everywhere. My house stinks of smoke.

I drove the friends that remained home. Dsis is extremely drunk so I have put her to bed now with a sick bucket.

I know it sounds selfish but I am recovering from a year long psychotic depression I have one child with severe autism one with suspected as and adhd and one with a speech delay.

I don't know whether to scream or cry.

How awful, I cannot believe your Mum was so irresponsible in giving her a key without your permission!!!

Perhaps scream & cry?????

Was it you that posted about how your mum completely failed to appreciate how much you did for her? Do you think she gave your sister the key as some sort of revenge? Either way, your sister is old enough to know that this was a terrible idea, so she deserves a rollicking for doing it as well, but maybe you could have a heart to heart with her about how her behaviour impacts on you.

Thanks both DoJo yes it was me. My mum gave my sister the key because my mum is very nieve and believed my sister just wanted to watch my net flix which she doesn't have.

That would be the final straw for me, complete and utter disrespect for you and your property.

I would understand you wanting to scream and cry.

scream, cry, take the spare key off them and find some appropriate punishment for your dsis

Take pictures of the mess. Get your mother over there & get her to start bloody parenting.

Your sister needs to clean up the house herself...preferably with a hangover! That way she can understand the consequences of her actions.

Poor you!

Take pics and get your mum to see it. What a vile thing to do to you. That's just below the belt and a massive abuse of trust.

I have told my sister I am going to add up how much the drink she stole cost and she is going to clean up at £5 a hour till she has paid me back. She is also going to come after school tomorrow to clean up the mess. If she doesn't I said she is not sleeping here again.

I would be asking for everything that was taken to be replaced. Particularly the champagne. Even if it was £150 a bottle.
And I would be bloody furious with both of them.

Is your sister the one who self harms.

If so tread very careful.

What did your sister say?

I think she needs to clean up IN ADDITION to working off the debt. Not instead of!

She does self harm so I have my shouted at her only told her firmly. She slurred the word 'ok I'm sorry'

Get your mum over. She needs to see the mess for herself. But most importantly, she needs to see her 13 year old daughter with a sick bucket next to her bed because she is pissed.

Your dsis definitely needs to clean up the mess. And after that she can start paying off the debt.

My mum won't do anything at all. She will say 'we mustn't be too harsh on dsis or she will self harm" she may tell her she is grounded for a week but she will let her out tomorrow.

Your mum needs to pay for a professional clean and replace the drinks. I'd also change the locks.

13!!!!!!!!!

your mum needs to,parent her child

Self harmer or not she has to face the consequences of her actions. Does she have CAMHS involvement, if not this would be the route I would go down to access help for her.

Take pictures.
Dock pocket money (if she gets it) to pay for damage.
Make sure she acknowledges her actions and the trouble it caused.
Tell your mother and sister that trust has been breached and it won't be returning any time soon.
Cease any and all privileges immediately.

My mum won't do anything at all. She will say 'we mustn't be too harsh on dsis or she will self harm" she may tell her she is grounded for a week but she will let her out tomorrow

And there lies the problem in a nutshell sadly. Clearly your sister has psychological issues however she seems to have your Mum over a barrel , and has a licence to do what she likes, to who she likes, whenever she likes without having boundaries, responsibilities and learning about what is and what isn't appropriate behaviour. I take it your Mum has always been like this?

My mum has a bit of a golden child (my sister) and scapegoat child (me) however psychologically in the long run I think being the scapegoat child has been less damaging and made me a lot stronger.

I really fear for my sister, I don't know where she will end up.

She wanted to get caught. Otherwise she would have cleaned up, locked the alcohol away somewhere, you wouldnt have known there was a party there.

Self harm is not and should not be a green light for children to act as they please.

As MrsDV said, back to SS.

You are not to blame.
Your Mother sounds totally awful. How stupid and irresponsible of her. And totally disrespectful of your property and not caring about your sisters welfare.
However, DSis is every bit as much to blame. She lied and she abused your good nature to let her mates run riot in your house. It is easy for her to say sorry, but difficult for her to regain your trust and set your house to rights.
I would want both of them over tomorrow to clean your house - thoroughly. including hiring a machine to clean the carpets and taking the curtains to get dry cleaned. At their expense, obviously. As well as replacing all the alcohol. They should also pay to get the locks changed because you cannot trust either of them with the keys any more.
After that, you need to cut back on your contact with them for the sake of your own health. If that means getting social services involved with your DSis's care, then maybe that will be the best thing. You cannot continue like this - not only for the sake of your children but also for your own health. You need to put your DC and yourself first.