AIBU to ask to collect my dd when she wets herself

[Itsjustmeagain]

dd (4) has had trouble settling into reception, I have posted many times about it (so sorry for another one!) but she wets herself multiple times daily especially when she is anxious (which she is more often at school than home)

It has got to the point now where she is coming home very sore because obviously the school just don't have the facilities to deal with it to this extent.

We have a referral to the hospital from our gp but we have been told that it will take some time to come through and at the moment since its pretty much under control at home and both dh and I and the school have tried everything all we can do is wait.

I want to ask the teacher that if (when) she wets herself the school call me and I collect her to bring her home and wash her and change her properly I feel like it is not fair to keep her in school when she is sore and smelly (even with changing she still needs a wash).

AIBU to ask this I really cant decide if I am.

She only turned 4 in August so I cant decide if I am just being precious. She is my 4th child and the only one to have had problems like this.

Have a read of this document, it's the new statutory guidance for schools on children with medical problems. The school can not refuse her in pull ups, and it specifically says that parents should not be made to go into school to deal with their children's medical and toileting needs.

www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/306952/Statutory_guidance_on_supporting_pupils_at_school_with_medical_conditions.pdf

Good luck with your app OP,lots of good advice here. Definitely contact school nurse.
I would take her out of school.
Could you find a good child minder for you funded 15 hours? That way she will not miss out on learning, playing with other children etc. Also the smaller setting might suit her. Not all childminders offer funding for 3-4 years old so you will have to search.

This is outrageous- the school have no right stopping her going part time- look on the local authority website for school admissions- it clearly states that summer born children may attend part time. The school have no right to refuse. I'd send her with 2 changes of clothes and pick her up at lunchtime. Also- disabled children are allowed to wear pull ups- why shouldn't your dd? Good luck

Please, please get the school nurse involved! Honestly, ours was fab and can liaise with the teachers (and got us a priority referral to clinic).

The no pullups thing is wrong, discriminatory and, well, just wrong! Pullups are just another sort of incontinence pad. Whether she is in pullups or 'dry like me' inco pads, it's essentially the same thing. Please stop trying to resolve this without getting the experts involved. Class teachers and GPs are not the experts.

Right,

there are lots of ways to help

have you spoken to ERIC? www.eric.org.uk/
"ERIC is a national charity that supports children with continence problems and
campaigns for better childhood continence care - See more: here"

I had DTs who did this ALL through reception. Luckily teacher properly engaged with it and saw it as a challenge to help them.

This is what she did with both boys:

Excercise book with photo of toilet with happy face on.
A page for one day. photocopied timetable with room for a star by each one, so:

Before school
morning break
lunchtime
afternoon break
home - evening

I filled in the home ones and EVERY morning I handed over to teacher - she was very demonstrably happy to hear when they had not wet themselves the previous evening or morning.

Every pickup she would hand over the book and they would get great praise of three stars in the book.

TA or teacher would make them go at each break. They also made sure they had plenty of water. This is essential to educate the bladder. I think lots of children might be too timid to go and get water.

One last thing - DON'T let anyone tell you that they need to be dry at night to be dry in the day - see the ERIC site but its a completely different hormonal control and you need to sort out daytime first.

forgot to say it took four weeks to get it nearly right for both, and a term to resolve properly.

I think the soreness is a different matter - Mine never got sore but perhaps because its physiologically different for boys. It could be a cycle that is stopping her going because she is afraid of getting sore - maybe she holds it in until the last moment?

I think a professional needs to advise on whether pull ups might resolve this long enough fro her not to be sore, then try again. It might need only a couple of weeks of half days to resolve - best done this term than later on?

not read the entire thread but if you do decide to home educate at this age its easy just your basic abc 1+1 and minibeasts its all fun really so it wouldn't be an issue based on your posts you seem perfectly able to deal with that xx

My DD is youngest in her year too. She is now in year 1 but in reception last year she started to withhold poo and that caused wee accidents.

It was really bad before Xmas last year and she was working her way through 6 sets of knickers and tights.

The school were fab and she was always changed immediately. And it was done privately so none of the other kids would know.

We managed to deal with the ppi withholding and she stopped having accidents.

Your daughters case is obv a little different but I do feel the school should do more. I talked to DDs school about it. They were fine and said it was a common issue and that she was still young and not to worry.

Their attitude helped me relaxed which in turn helped Dd.

Talk to the school. Go to the head and discuss it. Insist that they have a care plan in place.
Explain that your Dd has been clean since two but is struggling with dry and that they could help with regular toilet breaks for her and ensuring she doesn't suffer anxiety from sitting in wet clothes.

Your poor DD. And poor you. It's hard.

The attitude of this school is appalling. If I have learnt anything over the years it's that of they won't try with your DCs in reception, don't expect anything to change... It's not worth the battle and if possible I would change schools. I used to have pants from ERIC for my son with pads in. They work well. You can get washable pants and pants with disposable pads to put in. The girls ones are much better than the ones for lads. Given my time again I'd home educate.
It's a medical issue. Tips for encouraging bladder control:
Make sure she drinks.... Lots.... A mug full 200ml at breakfast, at break, at lunch, at break, when she gets home, at tea. The more she drinks the bigger her bladder will get and the stronger it will get. The temptation is to give them less to stop the accidents, but the wee gets stronger and more damaging. Lots of fluid = weak wee. She will also then get to know what her bladder feels like full.
Make sure she isn't constipated. Comstipation = loss of bladder control. If her stools are not soft but firm, there could be a problem. Really hard or really wet could still be comstipation. See the DR.
For night time, do not allow fluid an hour before bed.
My sons Consultant recommended not to allow backcurrant juice, def nothing fizzy, milk/water the best... Obviously. No tea/ coffee. I don't allow aspartame as that makes it worse, as does dairy funnily enough but that's just us.
Take her out until Easter. Enforce your rights.