to think it isn't necessary to have the house ever-ready for DSC?

[CloudiaPickle]

DSC are 6&8. My DD is 8, and our DDs together are 2.5 and 6 months. We're moving for DHs job and our new house is smaller. It has three bedrooms and DH has proposed that we put two lots of bunk beds in the master bedroom for the three girls (and later, baby), and that DSS (8) has the third bedroom.

He has told DS his drum kit can be set up in the lounge, limiting the space drastically. He has refused a smaller dining room table his mum offered so the dining room is extremely cramped with a table that seats 8 and we can't fit a highchair for about to be weaning DD. My DD received a birthday present my brother built for her and has played with it every single day since her birthday in June - as has our toddler - but the extra bunk beds mean this will no longer fit in her bedroom, or anywhere else.

I love my DSC and obviously want them to feel welcome and at home but they are here one night per month at most, perhaps a few extra in holidays. DH has agreed this and it isn't about to change so I feel it's unfair on our DC to be so restricted by having the house ever-ready for SDC who are here so little. Both DDs would happily give up their beds for them and camp in the lounge when they stay but DH insists they need their own permanent beds and rooms. AIBU?

"I can't see a way forward without including the phrase LTB."

Especially when from her other posts she's been living with him for a whole two weeks. It's not like they're an established family unit - all this "one night a month at most maybe more in holidays" is something that is yet to happen.

Apologies chipping and OP - I misread and understood that the proposal was that the SC slept in the lounge. Still, they do need some space that is theirs if this is to be any sort of home to them and use of someone elses room doesn't give that either. Some form of sharing is necessary even if its a trundle bed,a cupboard and a shelf.

I don't know the posters history but the being only able to have them one night a month is crap, as are the reasons being used to defend it - at least the ones given on this thread. So validating the accommodation suggestions by saying that are only over for a night a month is like putting sticking plaster over a big, ugly wound.

Barbarian no prob :) It's a very small plaster and a very big wound. It really isn't the biggest problem going on :(

I haven't tried to defend him only having them one night per month - I agree it's far from enough. But his exW said if he's working then they should be with her and the court agreed.

Could he choose to work fewer weekends?

It's non negotiable? If be telling him to go live on his own. Why does he think it's ok to make the decisions without your input?

Yeah this set up doesn't work... I understand why the eight year old needs a separate bedroom however keeping one clear for him when he stays over twelve nights per year is ridiculous. I'd suggest you use that bedroom for your DD or as a play room- whatever you want. Then when he does come stay over he can sleep in there and if it's your DD's room or whatever she can bunk up in the other girls room. Just invest in pull out beds or good air beds. That makes a lot more sense than keeping a whole room clear for someone who will sleep in it maximum 20 nights a year especially when your DC don't have room for toys they love.

He is BU.
They stay 1 or 2 days a month and when they do should bunk in with the DC's who live there full time. Drum kit can go in the garage / shed and be brought out when needed.