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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DP should have asked me first before getting a dog

62 replies

NorrisCole · 14/10/2014 07:19

A friend of ours has recently been sectioned. He hasn't been well for a while and things came to a head a few days ago and he has been taken to get better.

He has a dog, quite a large dog - I think it's a bearded collie - which I have met a few times.

DP has decided that we are taking the dog and we will be keeping it until our friend gets out and back on his feet again.

I am fuming. I don't like dogs, sorry I know that's not a popular opinion but I never have liked them, I'm nervous around them and in my opinion they stink and slobber everywhere and the thought of it makes me feel sick.

I have a 5 year old and a 16 month old and I have got enough to do day to day without a dog too, I'd be looking after the dog daily while DP is at work and 3/4 nights a week too while he is at the pub and his hobbies.

It means I can't really do anything unless I plan it round the dog.

It means that I will need to leave the house several times a day to walk it no matter how exhausted I am from being up most of the night with a 16 month old who refuses to sleep.

I know I sound selfish but surely he should have asked me first? He just jumped straight in wanting to look like the big I am offering to do this that and the next thing when he knows he hasn't got the time.

There are several other people who could take the dog but DP says that the dog doesn't know them so he won't settle. I pointed out that the dog doesn't actually know me either and more importantly the dog doesn't know the dcs so it wasn't any different.

Finally, our tenancy agreement states no pets at all and I'm nervous about saying to the landlord about the dog staying in the flat. I know they wouldn't be happy and I completely understand why, the flat has just been redecorated with new carpets and flooring.

Aibu to put my foot down for once and refuse to let him bring the dog here?

Or should I be more understanding and give it a go?

OP posts:
TanteRose · 14/10/2014 07:22

YANBU! put your foot down and tell him no!

it sounds like it would be a complete nightmare

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 14/10/2014 07:23

YANBU. Id be sending DH to stay at his friends (presumably empty) house to care for th dog there.

No way would I be doing any of the doggy daycare.

Stratter5 · 14/10/2014 07:24

Absolutely YANBU. We have three dogs, but I still wouldn't dream of bringing another home without discussing it with the DDs. And then there's the issue with the LL, not to mention your two young children. Your DP is going to have to wake up, and realise this is impossible.

PestoSurfissimos · 14/10/2014 07:24

Put your foot down.

Apart from anything else, the tenancy agreement prohibits it.

No further discussion needed.

FunkyBoldRibena · 14/10/2014 07:25

No. No dog in this house. Or cat. Never.

And that's without the tenancy agreement stating that you can't have pets.

Yes put your foot down! And do not let it up until this issue is sorted.

TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle · 14/10/2014 07:26

Your title is a bit misleading. He hasn't gone out and got a dog, he's taken one in short term (hopefully).

That said, he should still have spoken to you about it first, especially as he's expecting you to look after it.

What are the alternatives for the dog? If you don't look after it, who will? If there are other friends/family who could take the dog, I would arrange this and then let DP know once it's all sorted!

Fabulassie · 14/10/2014 07:26

I share your feelings about dogs, and I totally sympathise.

merrymouse · 14/10/2014 07:29

No YANBU.

I can see that your DH is trying to help a friend, but he needs to find somebody else to look after it.

You just aren't in a position to have a dog.

LadyLuck10 · 14/10/2014 07:29

Yanbu what was he thinkingShock. You need to point out what your tenancy states to him. He absolutely cannot have it there and if I were you I would be furious.

GoodArvo · 14/10/2014 07:30

I would be very angry too.

Purplehonesty · 14/10/2014 07:32

Oh no! Big smelly (and they are) bearded collie in a flat with two small children?
Definitely not. Flats are not suitable for this you will have to keep taking it out for pees and walking it and it will make such a mess inside.
I would put your foot down right now!

treaclesoda · 14/10/2014 07:32

I'd be furious. Especially if the burden of looking after it falls to you. Angry

FrontForward · 14/10/2014 07:34

YANBU. Put your foot down. It's a ridiculous decision

financialwizard · 14/10/2014 07:35

I love dogs but I would be really peed off if my DH did this so I think YANBU.

Are you due an inspection soon by the letting agent?

teenagetantrums · 14/10/2014 07:38

Yanbu, I once looked after a dog for 6 months in similar circumstances, I also live in a flat, it was a bit of a nightmare had to go out at least 6 times a day for the dog to wee and take it for two walks, and I had no small children, so didnt have to take them as well. I like dogs and had known this dog for years and it was/is lovely, I knew it would be fine around my older kids and I was happy to help, but until I was solely responsible for it I didn't quite realise how hard work and what a tie dogs are.

Cakecrumbsinmybra · 14/10/2014 07:39

Of course YANBU. I would be really angry about this and you are not in a position to have a dog in your house.

seasavage · 14/10/2014 07:40

YANBU. He's an idiot, no consideration of your feelings and, in turn the dogs needs. A (generally energetic breed) dog used to the sole (and quiet) attention of a single adult is going to find it very disruptive to be in a busy house with children where it's needs are not the only priority.

He needs to sort this out.

Coughle · 14/10/2014 07:40

YABU only in the passive, apologetic way you worded your post. "I know I sound selfish..." No you don't! What kind of person makes a massive commitment like this on behalf of their partner?

Strap on your big girl undies and say it's not happening! Your DH will have to figure out something else.

gentlehoney · 14/10/2014 07:42

He should have asked you first, and I would be very worried about the tenancy agreement, but it sounds a bit mean to say that he "wanted to look like the big I am" when he had done a very kind thing.
I think another friend will have to take him.

Balaboosta · 14/10/2014 07:44

If you don't want the dog, then it's not UR to not want a dog. End of. DP needs to learn some respect. Don't apologise. Just say no. It's your life.

Georgethesecond · 14/10/2014 07:44

If your tenancy agreement says no dogs you are highly likely to lose your deposit, and that's if the landlord lets you stay at all - you can be evicted for breaching that term, though there would have to be an application to court first.

Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses · 14/10/2014 07:46

If you lived in a dog friendly place then it would be a lovely kind thing to do.

But as you don't, then no, it needs to go elsewhere.

Hope the owner is feeling better soon.

gamerchick · 14/10/2014 07:46

Yes I agree with a PP who says send him round the house the dog lives at at look after it there.

It won't just be for the hospital stay it'll be for the recovery as well and any other time after that when it crops up.

Tell him the second he leaves the dog with you to look after you're taking it to a shelter.

BorisBaby · 14/10/2014 07:48

YANBU we have two dogs will be getting another one soon. I would be very pissed off if DH came home with another dog plus you will be the one looking after it. Its very noble of DH but his family come first and looking after the dog isn't workable for you as a family. The last animal we looked after for friend for a week is asleep on my bed 6 months later and is now the DC cat.