Neighbours tantruming child, would it be unreasonable to talk to them?

[sketchbomb]

Our next door neighbours have a toddler, and he's seriously cute to look at but he's been having daily (often several times a day) tantrums when they put him to bed. I know kids go through difficult periods and I know from experience with relatives/friends kids that they can be noisy. But this has been happening every day now for four months. In the evenings when they put him to bed he can sometimes manage to scream and yell for up to two hours, and even when he finally exhausts himself and sleeps he'll wake up around 2/3 am and have another little session.

My bedroom is on the other side of the wall from his, and he's honestly so loud that even through earplugs he's often woke me up in the middle of the night with the noise. As I type he's been screaming "daddy, mummy" for 30 mins non stop.

I live with some friends and we're all young professionals but we never have noisy late parties or blast music at people because we all enjoy a quieter lifestyle. I don't want to be the unsympathetic neighbour, but the noise he makes is starting to really get to us all, and its been incessant for months now. I'd like to think they're doing all they can but I really don't believe they are. Leaving him to scream for hours on end clearly isnt working.

Would I be unreasonable to go speak to them about it? How would I even broach the subject? The only contact they ever made with us was to ask if we'd keep an eye on the house for the week it was empty before they moved in, and since then nothing. I dont want them to get defensive, but it is unfair that we're all suffering his tantrums as well.

so the op should sleep some where else

really

I think the consensus is that you would not be unreasonable to talk to your neighbours but to do it sensitively. I'd agree with that.

if they are just sitting downstairs night after night letting their child scream away at bedtime then yes that is different to night terrors etc. and if thats what they've been doing for the past 4 months then that really isnt working. I would have a chat, but something along the lines of "how are the kids/has he been poorly or having nightmares lately. yes we've heard him, but I'm sure you're trying everything" type of thing. they may be totally unaware of how much you can hear, and even assume that if you havent spoken to them about this that you in fact cant hear anything!

I know both my boys are bad sleepers (DS1 is the worst with all his problems), and I would want to know if my neighbours are having issues with the noise. That said, I am considerate enough to apologise repeatedly, and ply her with coffee and cake on a regular basis!

Yabuvvu.

What do you suggest they do with the child? In all fairness, before I had dc I was like you, very judgmental of parents whose dc cried excessively or tantrumed, I thought it was all down to inappropriate parenting . Well, it isn't, trust me. Some children cry a lot others don't. Maybe their dc has night terrors? Special needs? Growth spurt, whatever.. I'm sure once you have your own dc, you'll come to realise that there isn't a lot you can do about tantrums other than ride them out. Tough for those who have to listen to it but worse for parent and child. I think you just have to accept it the way it is, or sleep in another room / move house if it bothers you so much. Hth.

tychos how do you know the OP has the option of sleeping during the day?

Thanks for the responses all, mixed opinions but the main view is that I should go say something. I'm not confrontational or aggressive so I'll do it nicely, even bring a cake to soothe any bruised feelings.

TychosNose, I should sleep somewhere else, are you kidding me?? Its my home, I pay for it and have been there for years. Inconsiderate parents like you make it very hard for anyone else to be sympathetic to your plight. Also a point to all those saying I should move, they moved here very recently. Just no. Saying people without kids should go live somewhere where there arent kids is the silliest suggestion I've ever heard, where exactly would that be? I've never lived anywhere where nearby neighbours didnt have children. We all have to live together, but that means all sides have to make an effort to minimise their impact on those around them. Parents included.

Before you go and speak to the parents, consider what you actually want to achieve. If they are doing all they can, then there will be nothing they can do and you'll just make them even more anxious and miserable. If they aren't doing all they can then you're likely to get an angry response anyway. Be prepared for them to say there's nothing they can do.

I have a lot of sympathy OP, I had a similar situation with some neighbours when I was in my first flat. I didn't speak to them as I could see they were exhausted too. It's an extremely difficult situation.

YANBU at all. That would really piss me off. Yes, they can't gag the child but they could try putting him in a different room or going to him when he calls out. They should be more considerate and I think you've been more than patient.

YANBU - speak to the neighbours. Who knows - they might be able to do something - eg adjust where child sleeps. If you don't try something, it's just going to fester and become more and more intolerable.

As least you're not being recommended to move house (something I've seen on other threads)!

And if neighbours can't do anything, well, at least you've given it a go

I don't know. My DS has seizures and when he does, he comes round screaming blue murder and I can't calm him down for ages.

Luckily for me, my neighbours are very understanding and pretend they can't hear DS. If they complained, I think I'd be tipped over the edge, it's hard enough caring for a disabled child 24/7 with little to no sleep.

They must hear him scream, I can hear them shagging....

But I think that they know that by not complaining about DS, I don't complain about their dogs/ music/ DIY/ anything at all, and I also let them use my green bin because they do more gardening than I do

I think that unless you are able to live in the middle of nowhere then you have to understand noise, especially noise of children that can't be helped (or rescue dogs that howl all day)

Are people really suggesting the OP move house?

Tychos

The neighbour should 'sleep elsewhere' or 'sleep during the day'?

Really??

Tumbledrier

You tell the OP she is being vvu and then calmly suggest she move house to get away from the noise

YANBU but even if you do complain to your neighbours, they may not be able to do much to make the situation any better. It's part of living in a house that is attached to another house if there are young children living there. Most parents are very aware of the noise but are very sleep deprived themselves and have tried their best to settle the children down at night. . Hopefully you will find a solution that suits you (if not you may have to wait until the child "grows out of that phase" or move.)
There was a thread similar to yours a while back but the op wrote the parents a letter and the father came around and was furious at the op, can't remember how it ended.