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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit miffed

62 replies

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 11/10/2014 21:41

My good friend (as in talk to each other daily friend) had her baby two weeks ago. Soon as baby came I said let me know when you're up for visitors. Nothing. Then again a week later. Still nothing. Then she said you can come on the weekend. I've swapped things around to see her tomorrow and she's now said can we come another weekend. I just feel a bit hurt my good friend doesn't want me to meet her little one particularly when her DHs friends have been to visit already.
Rant over I know I'm taking it personally and it's not about me.

OP posts:
britishbakeoffblues · 11/10/2014 21:43

She probably doesn't even know her own name right now and actually, may not have had any choice whether the other people visited.
Stop being ridiculous.
Do you have children of your own? Shock

Guitargirl · 11/10/2014 21:45

I think you are being unreasonable. She may have had a difficult birth or struggling to feed. She may have had lots of visitors already and just fancies a few days in her pyjamas.

AgentZigzag · 11/10/2014 21:45

I don't think you need to take it personally, she's probably all over the place and knows you'll understand.

She might not have felt as though she had a choice with her DH's friends?

She knows where you are, just be there for her when she needs you Smile (even though I would be the same and itching for a cuddle with a little one)

NormHonal · 11/10/2014 21:45

Honestly, I made my good friends (other than a) NCT friends who were going through it too, and b) close family) wait several weeks.

Cut her some slack.

iklboo · 11/10/2014 21:45

She may only have had about 20 minutes sleep in a fortnight - or it could feel like that to her. You said to let you know when she was ready to see you. She thought it might be this weekend but now she's not up to it. Give her time to settle & get into some sort of order.

AgentZigzag · 11/10/2014 21:46

It's not ridiculous to wonder WTF's going on if it's with someone you're in contact every day britishbake.

She must be worried about her friend.

Original poster
sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 11/10/2014 21:47

Yes I have kids: many of my friends visited when I was in hospital. And then after I was home at about a week onwards. Maybe it's me who was odd

OP posts:
Loopylala7 · 11/10/2014 21:52

She was probably having a horrible day & thought to postpone? I've done it, do you have children OP? I'm envisaging lots of puke, unwashed hair, house like a sh!th0le and lots of sleep deprivation, along with family dropping by every other minute of the day to make you feel like you can't cope, or at least that was my experience. I'm guessing that's why she postponed. I wouldn't take it personally.

FunkyBoldRibena · 11/10/2014 21:53

When my friend had her first born she wasn't up to seeing me for 6 weeks, then when I did go to visit she gave me the baby, and cried for 2 hours solid.

We established that she wasn't having a good time breastfeeding, we had a long chat about it and she changed to formula that week and life brightened up immediately.

Give her a bit of a break.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 11/10/2014 21:55

She just had a kid fgs! Get a grip!

LinaDee · 11/10/2014 21:59

When I had my DD, I had to postpone my friends visiting a few times either because of sleepless nights/MW visits etc. One particular friend who I adore seemed to be affected more than others and when she finally came round, we actually had a conversation about how I was glad it had been her I'd had to put off and not some out of town visitors, as I knew she'd understand. And she really did.
Your friends DH may not feel the same about being able to postpone his visitors.
try to be understanding that there may be a good reason for this and assure her that you're there if there's anything she needs.

The first few days and weeks of having a baby are different for everyone.
Try not to take it personally. Enjoy when you finally meet the new baby! It'll be all the more special when you do

Original poster
sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 11/10/2014 22:02

Has she Pud? Really thanks for telling me this I wouldn't have known otherwise!

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 11/10/2014 22:06

You say kids in the plural, so I'm guessing you're an old hand at the baby malarkey.

Cut her some slack tho and remember she's only been a mum for two weeks. It's gonna take her some time to get a grip on herself.

Original poster
sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 11/10/2014 22:07

Not an old hand just think two weeks is pretty standard as I had seen friends by then.
Suppose everyone is different

OP posts:
Maryz · 11/10/2014 22:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Itsfab · 11/10/2014 22:10

Take it personally in that you are such a good friend she knows you won't mind and will understand. If you do and don't, maybe you aren't the great friend to her you think you are.

EmilyGilmore · 11/10/2014 22:10

Do you have children OP? Or are you perhaps one yourself?

She is two weeks post-partum. Perhaps her other visitors caught her at a good moment. Perhaps her DH invited them and she couldn't wait for them to leave. Perhaps she's enjoying his paternity leave and doesn't want to waste a moment of it on visitors. Perhaps the baby happens to be screaming every time you text her and she can't think beyond the next nappy. Perhaps all manner of things! What is not a perhaps, but a very likely, is that you are not a priority right now.

Give her space. I didn't see anyone bar close family for three weeks. It's normal.

Original poster
sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 11/10/2014 22:11

I would never 'sulk' just feel a bit miffed secretly!

OP posts:
TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 11/10/2014 22:18

Is she a private person? Two weeks post partum I couldn't control my flatulence and it was frequently borderline as to whether that's all it was. I'd have been mortified in company. Try not to take it personally and send her lots of funny non baby related texts.

Original poster
sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 11/10/2014 22:21

Haha no she's very relaxed think she's prob just tired so will leave it be

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 11/10/2014 22:22

I was exactly your friend Op....

But I don't think my friends felt 'miffed' for a minute....

Give her space....we are all different.

Maryz · 11/10/2014 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Only1scoop · 11/10/2014 22:24

And the thought of Anyone coming to the hospital Confused

Original poster
sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 11/10/2014 22:25

I'm miffed because I consider her a good friend who's been there for me when I've needed and her and been there for her. I am so happy she's had a baby she has been trying for for ages and would love to go and say hello to the little darling and give my friend a big hug to congratulate her on doing so well.
But I will just send their gifts in the post and wait until asked

OP posts:
IamGrimalkin · 11/10/2014 22:26

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. This is your good friend so you are bound to feel hurt and upset.

Just because you've had a baby doesn't mean other people don't matter anymore and you can mess them about.