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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit miffed

62 replies

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 11/10/2014 21:41

My good friend (as in talk to each other daily friend) had her baby two weeks ago. Soon as baby came I said let me know when you're up for visitors. Nothing. Then again a week later. Still nothing. Then she said you can come on the weekend. I've swapped things around to see her tomorrow and she's now said can we come another weekend. I just feel a bit hurt my good friend doesn't want me to meet her little one particularly when her DHs friends have been to visit already.
Rant over I know I'm taking it personally and it's not about me.

OP posts:
IamGrimalkin · 11/10/2014 22:27

I have children by the way.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 11/10/2014 22:37

Some people struggle more than others and more than they expected to - one person is happy to have lots of visitors from day 2, another from week 1 and starts working in their own business in week 2 or goes out without their baby and enjoys it,
another person still can't get dressed til its getting dark again, or leave the house in week 3....
Possibly her DH's friends have been as he invited them to come during his paternity leave and is going back to work on Mon? Possibly he told her rather than asked Hmm Possibly she will need to moan about that to you when you do see her!

Bouttimeforwine · 11/10/2014 22:38

I'm a fairly relaxed and flexible person. It constantly surprises me hoe inflexible some people are. I wouldn't take it personally. She's probably tired.

Original poster
sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 11/10/2014 22:42

I think that's the same with me boutime. But I guess it wouldn't do to all be the same

OP posts:
Bugsylugs · 11/10/2014 22:42

I can really see why you are feeling this but agree she knows you so well she can put you off. Shame she doesn't text. Did you hear the MN hated Jeremy Vine on Fri might put it in perspective.

slithytove · 11/10/2014 22:44

Neither are bu, but since I'm sat here with a 3 week old, unshowered, looking and feeling like shit, and barely capable of feeding myself let alone having friends over, I have a bit more sympathy with your friend!

Try not to be miffed, I'm sure she will see you soon.

I would feel even more terrible if I thought I was pissing my friends off.

Loiterer · 11/10/2014 22:48

I don't think YABU, I'd be a bit upset. You're just asking to pop round to meet the new baby, no? Thing is, she'll be desperate for company and good mates in a few months time. But don't take it personally - everyone is different and she probably is just tired.

KeepAbreast · 11/10/2014 22:52

At two weeks I spent most of my days in tears, trying to breastfeed with bleeding nipples and horrible throbbing piles that meant I couldnt sit properly or remain still at all. I was fat(ter), I looked like shit, my house was a tip and it felt like my baby NEVER stopped crying, so what was the point of having visitors even if I did feel like it?

Don't take it personally. Just be patient and make sure she knows you havent forgotten about her.

IamGrimalkin · 11/10/2014 23:14

Surely the friend could explain her reasons to the op instead of just cancelling repeatedly.

AgentZigzag · 11/10/2014 23:19

Isn't that a bit too much like her having to justify herself to the OP IamG?

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 11/10/2014 23:19

She's only cancelled once according to the OP I am

If she's overwhelmed and in a mess perhaps she can't explain without hysterical crying - also depends how the are communicating (text or spoken phone call or whatever).

YackityYakYak · 11/10/2014 23:23

Yeah, I'd take it a bit personally too, but only in secret, just like you are.

Felt like this when a friend told me she wouldn't see me for 6 weeks after her DD was born. As it turned out she was thoroughly bored having put everyone off and almost begged me to come over and visit.

Some people get all odd.

IamGrimalkin · 11/10/2014 23:35

Aah I see your point. Sorry, I'm tired and a bit grumpy. I do understand how the op feels though.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 12/10/2014 01:58

It would you seem you didn't realise Sharon since you're being a winey precious about the whole thing.

Original poster
sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 12/10/2014 09:06

Again Pud thanks for telling me what I know and how I'm being, most obliged

OP posts:
deakymom · 12/10/2014 09:11

all this making arrangements is new to me i usually drop in tap lightly (with a gift) hand over the gift to the husband if its a good time i get invited in my friend saw me fast asleep on the sofa once when she dropped a gift off DH just let her in i remember her saying oww how sweet and the baby looks nice too Grin

just interflora some flowers

daisychain01 · 12/10/2014 09:20

puds you sound more and more like a GF on this thread. sharon is just having a chat about feeling a bit miffed (so not sulking, not whiney or precious just a bit down).

You sound like a caring friend sharon and Im sure once the dust has settled, you will be able to go round to meet the new baby, and your friend will be none the wiser, no harm done.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 12/10/2014 11:35

WTF is a GF?

AgentZigzag · 12/10/2014 11:57

GF is a goady fucker puds.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 12/10/2014 12:10

Ah thanks Agent

Not being goady, just don't understand adults acting so hurt by imagined snubs :/

kikisunflower · 12/10/2014 12:31

Tbh if she was anything like me after having both my DD and DS her house is probably a complete mess she's a tired wreck and cant hold a decent conversation and will not want you to see all this chaos right now. Be a good friend for her when she needs you whenever she's ready. I would guess the DH friends who have been to visit have put her off seeing anyone really. You could just cook her a meal, knock on the door, hand it to her with a card. If she's not in or not answering, leave it on the door step and then she's knows you are there for her. Don't be offended by her right now whatever her actions.

Original poster
sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 12/10/2014 13:13

Another assumption pud. I have not mentioned being hurt. I used the word miffed. That's more a fleeting 'meh' than feeling any degree of hurt.

OP posts:
confusedandemployed · 12/10/2014 13:31

I really don't get the 'she just had a baby' excuse in these circs. We're talking about a really close friend here who obviously couldn't care less if there are dirty nappies on the floor and boobs hanging out all over the place. I don:'t think YABU here OP. I recently visited my good friend on the occasion of the birth of her second. She was five days old. I remember visitingthe first at about the same age and she came to me a few days after DD's birth. We both stayed no longer than an hour and made the coffee while the other breastfed. That's what friends do IMO.

Nanny0gg · 12/10/2014 14:09

I love the contradictory nature of MN, depending on the thread you're reading.

Other threads it's normal for the new mum to be up and about the next day, doing the school run or going shopping (so not necessarily with older children) and on others you're told to give her a break, the baby's only 2 months old and she shouldn't be expected to have even got dressed yet!

I can see why the OP is miffed. I would be too.

slithytove · 12/10/2014 14:37

The only person I'm happy to see my boobs hanging out everywhere other than DH is my mum.

I'm not happy for anyone to see dirty nappies all over my floor, or see me suffer from incontinence.

I wanted peace to get to grips with parenting and being a new family with DH. Therefore we didn't share his paternity with anyone else.

During any of the above times (plus probably many more), we didn't want visitors. Sometimes we had to have people. Otherwise, we did it when we were happy. Our house, our baby, our choice.

Id have thought very differently of a friend who was 'miffed' at me having visitors when I was ready. Whether they were happy with the bf or nappies etc etc.