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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want an apology

96 replies

dsteinway · 11/10/2014 04:40

Today I was picking up my DD from nursery, and did my normal 'thing' of parking in the drive, which is sort of u-shaped with an entrance and exit, as far as I could towards the 'exit'. There is no parking at the nursery except for this drive, you can also use the street or a church lot that is a bit further down the road. Obviously if you park in the drive, you risk being blocked in or blocking someone else in, but I've never really minded.

I went in to get DD and there was a backup of parents picking up kids and I had to wait my turn for a handover. Also DD had literally had a small accident and bumped her head 5 mins before I got there so had a form to fill in. So took slightly longer than normal to get her, but didn't seem longer than 10 mins. I'm not the most patient person and wasn't annoyed so it couldn't have been that long.

When we went outside to get in the car, a woman was behind mine in her car, with it on, obviously rearing to get going. She then proceeds to roll down the window as myself and DD walk past and start yelling at me about how inconsiderate I am to take so long to pick up my daughter. She was furious. I tried to talk to her and explain that I can't control how long it takes, and she kept saying 'I understand that but you need to be more considerate'. I was like clearly you DONT understand or you wouldn't be having this fit. I happen to know that she has a kid in the baby room, which I think takes less time to pick up as there's fewer of them. (My daughter is a toddler)

Anyway it ended with me yelling, are you happy now? Do you feel better about yourself? And telling her she was complaining to the wrong person. She said oh I will be sending an EMAIL to the nursey about YOU. which actually made me laugh but then obviously I was really upset, felt like I'd been verbally assaulted for going about my business. And my DD was asking questions in the car like, mommy what's the matter and why was that woman yelling at you. And so on.

So when I got home I called the nursery and told them about it, and they were honestly awesome and said that was well out of order and talked to me for quite a long time. They said they would try to figure out who it was and speak to her. I do hope she sends an email as then they'll know for sure.

I want an apology. I know that's childish and I ll probably never get one but it's really bothered me. I'm quite sensitive and consider myself a respectful and kind person and I can't imagine doing that to another mom with their kid in tow. The worst part is that I know I'll run into her again. What am I supposed to do?? I keep imagining all the clever witty sarcastic things I could have said. And all the nasty things I want to call her.

OP posts:
RafaellaNhaKyria · 11/10/2014 04:45

Well, her reaction was pretty over the top and she's sounds very rude.

But I have always considered those sorts of drives as a place to make a "running stop". To drop off or pick up someone who hops in or out of the car. I wouldn't park there and block it completely, not even for a few minutes.

sorry about that.

dsteinway · 11/10/2014 04:49

Well as I said everyone parks there to drop off and get their kids, and the nursery tells parents if they don't want to be blocked in they should park on the street.

I think we all hope it will be quick and painless but I can't predict the future.

OP posts:
Altinkum · 11/10/2014 04:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle · 11/10/2014 04:55

This is pretty tough one. I have a toddler in nursery too and they only have one parking space which is used on a first come first served basis. Usually I walk to get her but if I'm in the car and I get the space I run in and run out, with no handover because that parking space is the only legal spot to use and I wouldn't want someone else to be driving around waiting for it.

But your D's had an accident so you weren't to know about the paperwork.

So... I think you were being unreasonable to block the drive knowing you wanted to wait for a handover.

I think she was being unreasonable to be rude.

I think you were being unreasonable to engage in a shouty match.

I wonder what the nursery will say when/if they get her side of the story....

dsteinway · 11/10/2014 04:55

Yup, I did. It's pretty standard to be blocked in there, as I've said. I be been blocked in numerous times and not rolled down my window and started shouting at the responsible parent.

OP posts:
Noctambulist · 11/10/2014 04:57

You blocked her in for 10 minutes? I'm not altogether surprised you got an earful.

dsteinway · 11/10/2014 04:58

@teenagemutantninjaturtle I didnt "want to wait for a handover" We have to wait for hangovers, parents do not just go in, grab their kids and go. If a nursery worker is busy, I have to wait. Do you understand?

OP posts:
dsteinway · 11/10/2014 05:01

You're right I guess 10 minutes is a long time if you're the queen and the world revolves around you. Nevermind that she chose to park behind me.

OP posts:
dsteinway · 11/10/2014 05:03

Lol just realized I typed hangovers not handovers, predictive text eh!

OP posts:
Altinkum · 11/10/2014 05:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SavoyCabbage · 11/10/2014 05:08

I don't think you did anything wrong. You parked first and then you had to see to something. If she was keen for a speedy getaway she should have parked on the street.

Everyone has to be considerate in these situations. At our school, parking is very difficult and everyone tries to squeeze into p as close as possible to the person in front so we, as a whole, can get as many cars parked as possible.

Eva50 · 11/10/2014 05:10

It may be that she had another child to collect from elsewhere, or her baby was crying or hungry or she had somewhere else she needed to be. Ten minutes is a long time to block someone in. She shouldn't have been rude but you may have been better to apologise and move your car. By yelling back at her you were as bad as she was. I think you are being over sensitive and a bit OTT to call the nursery.

justkeeponsmiling · 11/10/2014 05:13

do you understand?
I think you are being quite rude now tbh Hmm

dsteinway · 11/10/2014 05:14

@savoycabbage well thanks, that's the way I feel. The nursey essentially said the same to me.

OP posts:
Eva50 · 11/10/2014 05:16

Oh I see. This is an AIBU, yes YABU, oh no I'm not. Being rude to other posters who are offering their opinion doesn't help your case it makes you sound like a prat!

dsteinway · 11/10/2014 05:17

@eva50 well the thing is, I was on my way to leave, so I was about to move my car when she started shouting at me. yelling back is bad, that's true.

OP posts:
dsteinway · 11/10/2014 05:20

@eva50 I was trying to make a clarification, if an opinion is offered on something that is not the facts, isn't that ok? Even if I wanted to, I can't go in and get my daughter from nursey and leave without talking to her key room workers. My nursery doesn't allow it.

I guess this is more of a 'wanted to get it off my chest' convo, you're right

OP posts:
MidniteScribbler · 11/10/2014 05:34

You blocked someone in for ten minutes, engaged in a shouting match in front of your child, and YOU want an apology?

Yeah, nah.

scarletforya · 11/10/2014 05:52

I work in a nursery. You could have signed the accident report form tomorrow. We do that all the time. You didn't have to wait while they filled it out.

I wouldn't deliberately inconvenience other people for no reason. She has a baby, ten minutes is a long time to sit waiting not knowing when you can leave.

Waveney · 11/10/2014 05:53

She was unnecessarily rude. But if I was waiting behind someone's car for ten minutes (and it could have been longer accordion to your recollection), I would expect them to be apologetic towards me when they got back in the car. That's a long time to wait - esp if she had other kids to collect from school or whatever. She was rude but so were you.

scarletforya · 11/10/2014 05:57

Even if I wanted to, I can't go in and get my daughter from nursey and leave without talking to her key room workers. My nursery doesn't allow it

Don't be ridiculous. The nursery can't dictate things like that. You take your child and go.

lunar1 · 11/10/2014 06:05

Yabu to want an apology. When you realised you were going to be a while you should have moved the car. I don't think the nursery should allow any parking where cars will be blocked in.

Justdoaweeonthefuckingpotty · 11/10/2014 06:15

Scarlet have you got a kid at nursery? They do a handover and you have to wait. You can rush in and say we need to go now and they will stop talking to who they are talking to but they still come and tell you the handover information.

Justdoaweeonthefuckingpotty · 11/10/2014 06:15

Which is pretty rude to just interrupt

pippistrelle · 11/10/2014 06:21

It seems to me that, with this system, there's a reasonable chance of having to wait if someone else is parked there before you. So, if you don't want to run the risk of having to wait, then park elsewhere. So, she WBU. However, it's extremely unlikely that there'll be any apology. As for what you do next time you see her - you do nothing. You don't have to engage with her in any way whatsoever, and it would be unwise to do so.

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