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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want an apology

96 replies

dsteinway · 11/10/2014 04:40

Today I was picking up my DD from nursery, and did my normal 'thing' of parking in the drive, which is sort of u-shaped with an entrance and exit, as far as I could towards the 'exit'. There is no parking at the nursery except for this drive, you can also use the street or a church lot that is a bit further down the road. Obviously if you park in the drive, you risk being blocked in or blocking someone else in, but I've never really minded.

I went in to get DD and there was a backup of parents picking up kids and I had to wait my turn for a handover. Also DD had literally had a small accident and bumped her head 5 mins before I got there so had a form to fill in. So took slightly longer than normal to get her, but didn't seem longer than 10 mins. I'm not the most patient person and wasn't annoyed so it couldn't have been that long.

When we went outside to get in the car, a woman was behind mine in her car, with it on, obviously rearing to get going. She then proceeds to roll down the window as myself and DD walk past and start yelling at me about how inconsiderate I am to take so long to pick up my daughter. She was furious. I tried to talk to her and explain that I can't control how long it takes, and she kept saying 'I understand that but you need to be more considerate'. I was like clearly you DONT understand or you wouldn't be having this fit. I happen to know that she has a kid in the baby room, which I think takes less time to pick up as there's fewer of them. (My daughter is a toddler)

Anyway it ended with me yelling, are you happy now? Do you feel better about yourself? And telling her she was complaining to the wrong person. She said oh I will be sending an EMAIL to the nursey about YOU. which actually made me laugh but then obviously I was really upset, felt like I'd been verbally assaulted for going about my business. And my DD was asking questions in the car like, mommy what's the matter and why was that woman yelling at you. And so on.

So when I got home I called the nursery and told them about it, and they were honestly awesome and said that was well out of order and talked to me for quite a long time. They said they would try to figure out who it was and speak to her. I do hope she sends an email as then they'll know for sure.

I want an apology. I know that's childish and I ll probably never get one but it's really bothered me. I'm quite sensitive and consider myself a respectful and kind person and I can't imagine doing that to another mom with their kid in tow. The worst part is that I know I'll run into her again. What am I supposed to do?? I keep imagining all the clever witty sarcastic things I could have said. And all the nasty things I want to call her.

OP posts:
Tinpin · 11/10/2014 23:36

Since all nursery parents are told of the blocking in risk YANBU. She was inpatient and in the wrong.

hoobypickypicky · 11/10/2014 23:44

Does the nursery offer classes for adults?

Charm and manners sessions?

You might benefit from asking, OP.

HamishBamish · 11/10/2014 23:46

I think the other mother was being unreasonable. She chose to drive in behind OP and ended up having to wait.

I don't think you'll get an apology, but she certainly shouldn't have started an argument about it. She knew the score and chose to park there anyway. She should have parked on the street if she was in a hurry.

arethereanyleftatall · 11/10/2014 23:52

Yabu.
Your response to her after she got cross when you blocked her in, should have been
'Im really sorry, that took longer than I expected'.
Then forget about it.
Much easier.

CrispyFern · 12/10/2014 09:18

She was bu to get irate and shout. She gambled and lost by parking there that day instead of down the road.
You are being silly expecting an apology though.

MrsMinton · 12/10/2014 09:24

I don't think you'll get an apology sadly but you aren't being unreasonable. If she chose to park there then it's tough. It's horrid being shouted at though and so I understand why you feel the way you do.

jeee · 12/10/2014 09:26

When my sister was being annoying and I asked my mother to referee the resulting dispute, my mum would always say irritatingly 'it's six of one and half a dozen of the other'. Now, in the case of a fight with my sister this was patently untrue - my sister was always to blame Grin.

This, otoh, is a clear example of six of one and half a dozen of the other.

clam · 12/10/2014 10:10

I think you're going to be waiting a long time for an apology, to be honest. And who's going to ask her to provide one, anyway? Not the nursery, for certain. Not their responsibility and they'd be foolish to get involved, despite your belief that they're on your side.

SanityClause · 12/10/2014 10:17

She chose to park behind you, knowing that you may be some time.

So, it's her fault she was blocked in, not yours.

But here was no need to shout, so for that YABU, and have lost the moral high ground, and need to apologise to her.

skaen · 12/10/2014 10:19

You should both learn to walk.

trixymalixy · 12/10/2014 10:25

YANBU, she took the chance and she had to wait. You couldn't have anticipated being held up. Don't think you'll get an apology though.

UltraNumb · 12/10/2014 11:08

there's clearly quite a few people on here who didnt bother to read the OP's post.

Based on the system in place, YANBU, op. The other woman was being a complete cow and had no business shouting at you!

skaen · 12/10/2014 11:12

But whether or not you were right it would have done no harm at all to smile, apologise and move rather than yelling and complaining to the nursery. It's also a bit childish to be demanding apologies. Get over it and move on (further down the road would be better!).

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 12/10/2014 11:26

OP didnt block the woman in, the woman parked behind the OP knowing theres a chance she'd be blocked in and she was blocked in, the OP was there FIRST and didnt purposely block the woman in or did she purposely take ages picking her DD up. Hope that clears it up for people who dont understand.

OP I'd let it go, if it happens again, just get in your car and go.

SauvignonBlanche · 12/10/2014 11:35

I guess this is more of a 'wanted to get it off my chest' convo, you're right

Why post in AIBU then? Hmm

You were both BU and both need to grow up.

clam · 12/10/2014 13:30

TaliZorah I understand it perfectly, thanks. Still don't think there's a chance in hell of getting any sort of apology from the other woman. Especially as the OP shouted at her too. And it wouldn't count for anything even if she did. Any half-hearted apology given in response to a demand isn't worth having.

LeftRightCentre · 12/10/2014 13:34

Are people really this argy bargy in real life? YABU.

ithoughtofitfirst · 12/10/2014 18:44

Lmao at 'argy bargy'

Yabu.

ScrumpyBetty · 12/10/2014 18:54

YABU.
It doesn't matter who is in the right or not over this essentially petty trivial parking matter, but you don't engage in shouting matches with other parents in front of your kids. If she was shouting at you, then a simple apology and walk away would suffice.

Mumzy · 12/10/2014 19:00

Gosh OP wait till your dd starts school. You'll have a field day over parking issues then

PunkrockerGirl · 12/10/2014 22:10

We live very near to a rural village primary school (no onsite parking). The school has an arrangement with the village social club that parents can park there at drop off and pick off time as obviously the club car park is not in use at these times. There is a paved path between the car park and the school which completely avoids the road. so no need for children, buggies to be anywhere need the road.
I know the head teacher and the owner of the club (who lives on site) very well. Not one parent has ever, ever availed themselves of this option. Instead, they park outside the school, on both sides of the narrow road and expect us all to wait while they get their dc who obviously can't walk out of their cars. And then complain when drivers get a bit impatient.

Rant over.

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