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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want an apology

96 replies

dsteinway · 11/10/2014 04:40

Today I was picking up my DD from nursery, and did my normal 'thing' of parking in the drive, which is sort of u-shaped with an entrance and exit, as far as I could towards the 'exit'. There is no parking at the nursery except for this drive, you can also use the street or a church lot that is a bit further down the road. Obviously if you park in the drive, you risk being blocked in or blocking someone else in, but I've never really minded.

I went in to get DD and there was a backup of parents picking up kids and I had to wait my turn for a handover. Also DD had literally had a small accident and bumped her head 5 mins before I got there so had a form to fill in. So took slightly longer than normal to get her, but didn't seem longer than 10 mins. I'm not the most patient person and wasn't annoyed so it couldn't have been that long.

When we went outside to get in the car, a woman was behind mine in her car, with it on, obviously rearing to get going. She then proceeds to roll down the window as myself and DD walk past and start yelling at me about how inconsiderate I am to take so long to pick up my daughter. She was furious. I tried to talk to her and explain that I can't control how long it takes, and she kept saying 'I understand that but you need to be more considerate'. I was like clearly you DONT understand or you wouldn't be having this fit. I happen to know that she has a kid in the baby room, which I think takes less time to pick up as there's fewer of them. (My daughter is a toddler)

Anyway it ended with me yelling, are you happy now? Do you feel better about yourself? And telling her she was complaining to the wrong person. She said oh I will be sending an EMAIL to the nursey about YOU. which actually made me laugh but then obviously I was really upset, felt like I'd been verbally assaulted for going about my business. And my DD was asking questions in the car like, mommy what's the matter and why was that woman yelling at you. And so on.

So when I got home I called the nursery and told them about it, and they were honestly awesome and said that was well out of order and talked to me for quite a long time. They said they would try to figure out who it was and speak to her. I do hope she sends an email as then they'll know for sure.

I want an apology. I know that's childish and I ll probably never get one but it's really bothered me. I'm quite sensitive and consider myself a respectful and kind person and I can't imagine doing that to another mom with their kid in tow. The worst part is that I know I'll run into her again. What am I supposed to do?? I keep imagining all the clever witty sarcastic things I could have said. And all the nasty things I want to call her.

OP posts:
PrincessTheresaofLiechtenstein · 11/10/2014 17:52

With the set up you describe, YANBU. Everyone has been told the risk of getting blocked in and she took her chance. I suppose she was ok to ask for more consideration but she should have backed down when you told her about your dd's accident.

But I am surprised the nursery allow it - in an emergency it sounds like it could be a nightmare.

PrincessTheresaofLiechtenstein · 11/10/2014 17:54

stopmithering I agree, seems some people go straight to shouting and ranting when a polite request would do.

lem73 · 11/10/2014 17:55

Gamerchick I could not agree with you more. The councils and police should also be more proactive, at least in our area, as there is a real risk to the safety of the children. Perhaps the presence of a policeman now and again might make some people think twice.

Bambambini · 11/10/2014 18:05

Surely anyone who parks there knows they could be delayed or blocked in for a bit unless they are first in the queue. If they never want to be blocked they should park elsewhere. On another day, she could be holding someone up. Saying that, if you were longer than the usual time most folk think it takes, then people behind you will get annoyed if they are sitting ready to go and you seem to be taking your time.

Bit of this and that really - best to just let it go.

SistersOfPercy · 11/10/2014 18:13

From the OP:

There is no parking at the nursery except for this drive, you can also use the street or a church lot that is a bit further down the road. Obviously if you park in the drive, you risk being blocked in or blocking someone else in

If the woman needed to get away in such a rush why park somewhere where she knew there was a fair chance of being blocked in? If street parking is available and a church car park you choose those if in a rush.

YABU in wanting an apology, just let it go, but she chose to park knowing there was a good chance she could be blocked in.

dogscatsandbabies · 11/10/2014 18:47

I think the problem is that the car parking situation as described here is like a queue... First to park, first in to get child, should therefore be first out and moving on. But obviously if you're picking up from different rooms then 'queue jumping' can occur.

So, she has BU to not consider this, you have BU not to realise that you had been longer than average (regardless of reason), held up the queue and therefore owed her an apology, both were U for yelling at each other.

Park on the road and walk I say.

YonicScrewdriver · 11/10/2014 18:54

She WBU. It's not like you were anywhere other than the nursery, had gone off to do shopping or sth. I wouldn't be expecting an apology though.

It's like picking a Lane at a petrol station - you might wait longer than you expect if the previous driver is counting out their change in pennies or whatever - just one if those things.

BackToTheFuschia · 11/10/2014 18:54

Can't beat one of these threads...
AIBU?
Yes.
No I'm not, and I'm going to be rude and snippy to anyone who doesn't agree.

As you were.

BackToTheFuschia · 11/10/2014 18:55

Oh, fwiw, YABU.

dorasee · 11/10/2014 18:59

Let it go. Honestly. Pick your battles in life. There will be years of this ahead with other mothers. Too much oestrogen, too little sleep, and lots of every day rushing around makes all of us school mums a bit grumbly and grumpy.

maddening · 11/10/2014 19:07

Yanbu - she knew the system, got stung and shouted at you.

maddening · 11/10/2014 19:09

Tbh fuscha it isn't one of those threads - there is a mix of opinion

gamerchick · 11/10/2014 19:38

Last term the council got the traffic wardens in to bring parents back into line on the school run. It was very entertaining for me being a none driver.

They should do that at every school for a few months.

ChippingInLatteLover · 11/10/2014 19:47

Some people need to re-read what the OP has written. The nursery allow you to park there. If you choose to park there you accept you have to wait until the car(s) at the front leave... if you don't want to do that, with good grace, then park elsewhere.

The OP was in the right here.

However, I wouldn't 'demand' an apology, I'd settle for the nursery reminding the other mother of the rule.

lem73 · 11/10/2014 19:50

So true that there will be years of aggro with other parents. You need to learn to rise above it.

VermillionPorcupine · 11/10/2014 21:44

I still don't understand how it is physically possible to block yourself in. Seriously...can someone explain? The only thing I can think of it if it was a roundabout, one-way type system then obviously only the car at the front could get out, but it doesn't sound like that here?

ChippingInLatteLover · 11/10/2014 21:52

verm it's a u shaped driveway, so you go in one end and out the other. The first person theoretically goes in first, gets child, leaved first.... but this doesn't always happen, sometimes they get held up and those behind them have to wait. All parents have been told if they park there, then that's how it works, you just have to wait your turn to leave. If you don't want to do that, park elsewhere.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 11/10/2014 22:03

She needs to learn to control her temper.

yANBU

BackforGood · 11/10/2014 22:28

Hmm, but surely she could have reversed out the way she came in, Chipping ? I'm presuming this is a 2 - 3 car driveway, not some sweeping country mansion....

maddening · 11/10/2014 22:32

Backforgood - not if it is a 3 or more car driveway - a third car may be behind her, or if it is a main road it might be dangerous (or possibly against Highway Code?) to reverse out.

Either way she knows the system and knew that there was a possibility that another parent may get stuck signing forms or a dc that suddenly needs the loo before they leave etc etc - with small dc there is always a chance of issues at pickup that are unexpected.

Viviennemary · 11/10/2014 22:36

You were ages and she got annoyed and shouted. You are the one in the wrong and should have apologised to her. IMHO.

BlackeyedSusan · 11/10/2014 23:07

ywnbu. she got caught out by the system. tough. she could reverse out or wait.

YonicScrewdriver · 11/10/2014 23:11

Vivienne, OP wasn't ages, she was within the normal parameters of pick
Up from the nursery. It's not like OP was dawdling.

The woman obviously arrived after OP went in. Perhaps she's not been at nursery long and has been lucky until now that another baby room parent or whatever has been in front of her.

mimishimmi · 11/10/2014 23:21

YANBU because she chose to park there too. Conceivably picking up her own child could have taken just as long. I don't think you will get your apology though.

WineWineWine · 11/10/2014 23:36

I don't understand how you ended up getting into a shouting match.
Surely you rushed back out of nursery, apologised when she shouted at you, but quickly got yourselves in the car so you could leave. How does that leave time to get yourself into an argument? Unless you were up for a shouting match of course.
The nursery should be dealing with the behaviour of the children, not the parents!