Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

We are not invited to the wedding

73 replies

MissFliss15 · 10/10/2014 21:44

My husband's nephew is getting married in the US next year. It is a small wedding with only 20 guests from this side of the pond invited. We are not invited, no problem, however DH has suggested we time a holiday to coincide with their day so we could go along & watch the ceremony.

I would love to travel to the USA, BUT I don't think it right to - in effect - gatecrash their day. If they wanted us there, we would have been invited.
DH in foul temper that I am unwilling to go along with his idea and that I seem unsupportive of the 'family'. So, is my stance unreasonable?

OP posts:
Bluestocking · 10/10/2014 21:45

You are 100% right and your husband is being a freakazoid. Hope that helps.

wreckingball · 10/10/2014 21:46

You are right, he is mad.
You will look like total wierdos if you do it.

Mrsgrumble · 10/10/2014 21:48

Totally rude to go and make the couple feel awkward. Really wierd too. Your dh is being ridiculous here.

Delphiniumsblue · 10/10/2014 21:48

Don't let him do it!

Staywithme · 10/10/2014 21:48

No! No! No! And can I just reiterate? No!

That's akin to sils that dress their little darlings as flower girls, when they're not! You are right in telling your DH that it's a bad idea as the bride and groom could take it as a passive aggressive move on your part. I'm cringing on your behalf.

SirChenjin · 10/10/2014 21:49

It depends - were you not invited because they were restricted with their numbers? If so, then providing you've got a good relationship with them generally, and let them know what you're thinking of doing first to check they are OK with it (and make sure they know you are not expecting to join the wedding party) then it seems OK.

Redtartanshoes · 10/10/2014 21:49

You cannot invite yourselves to a wedding.

It's not a spectator sport.

If he's hell bent on going then he needs to speak to his nephew and discuss possibly going. But it's awkward and a bit weird and it's unlikely the nephew will say no, but his wife will start a thread on here "AIBU to think my husbands family are cheeky fuckers to invite themselves to my wedding"

Goldmandra · 10/10/2014 21:50

No way! They have chosen to have a small wedding. Your DH has no right to muscle in.

AgentZigzag · 10/10/2014 21:52

It would look a bit creepy, unless he's very close to his nephew, knows he'll definitely be welcome and just looking at supporting him on his big day.

It's a bit 'I'm coming whether you like it or not' kind of thing otherwise.

Does he think getting in a strop will get him his own way then?

I grew up with someone with a 'foul temper' (more than one actually Grin) and it's totally shit.

WookieCookiee · 10/10/2014 21:52

I think that if they wanted you there they'd have invited you or said some thing along the lines of family are welcome, it's a long way to travel so don't feel you have to come but we'd love to see you.

Is your DH close to his nephew?

ireallydontlikemonday · 10/10/2014 21:53

No no no no no no no no. You are very right.

GnomeDePlume · 10/10/2014 21:54

IMO if someone wants you to go somewhere they will send an invitation.

What is your DH's logic? Does he just want to go and watch the wedding from an anonymous distance? Is he hoping for an invite on the day? Is he hoping that people will recognise him and be grateful he has come to the wedding?

Is he aware that it isnt about him?

londonrach · 10/10/2014 21:54

Simply no your dh is wrong, you are right...

cherrybombxo · 10/10/2014 21:55

That would be incredibly creepy, please don't let him do it. Even asking for an invite is cheeky.

Purplepixiedust · 10/10/2014 21:57

You are right. Don't do it.

HesterShaw · 10/10/2014 21:59

Ha ha, this reminds me of the time my cousin and I were talking about me dressing as a bridesmaid for my sister's wedding and following her down the aisle even though she hadn't asked me.

However we were joking.

MrsPiggie · 10/10/2014 22:00

Oh God, no, no, no, don't go, it would be so awfully awkward. You'll embarrass the couple and embarrass yourselves.

squoosh · 10/10/2014 22:00

Stand firm. You would look like the biggest weirdo stalkers.

'Oh hello, we were in the neighbourhood so thought we'd pop in. The drive from Peterborough to Oklahoma doesn't take as long as you'd think, does it Marjorie?'.

mummytime · 10/10/2014 22:02

I don't think Weddings are "public" in the US like they are in the UK, so you'd seem even weirder being turned away.

YANBU, he is though.

zzzzz · 10/10/2014 22:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChrisMooseAlbanians · 10/10/2014 22:06

No!!!! Your husband is being very unreasonable

MsVestibule · 10/10/2014 22:07

No way! If they find out you're doing this, they'd then feel obliged to invite you to the wedding breakfast. All the other uncles/aunties/cousins would then think 'why haven't I been invited to the wedding?'. It's madness to even consider it and puts the bride and groom in a difficult situation.

hallamoo · 10/10/2014 22:08

Reminds of when my BIL & SIL got married at Gretna Green. They'd said they were going but wanted a small intimate wedding, so none of the family were invited, which was fine. We then found out after the event that SIL's entire family turned up to 'surprise' them!

So, in all the pics, there are loads of SIL's family and none of BIL's.

That always struck me as a bit off.

ScrambledSmegs · 10/10/2014 22:08

And how long has he been contemplating his new career as his nephew's stalker?

pictish · 10/10/2014 22:11

Another no. Who in their right mind wants to spend ££££ to pop in to a wedding to which they have not been invited?
Silly man. Stop it at once!

Swipe left for the next trending thread