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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not always be home before dp

59 replies

ticktocktime2rock · 10/10/2014 14:32

I had a massive arguement with dp last night. There was a collision on a motorway leading to long tailbacks causing me to take 2 hours when it usually takes 40mins

I had been to see my parents, I usually only go once a month to spend the day as my mum looks after ds once a week so i don't see her very often. I lost track of time as can easily happen with a toddler and left at 5. I text him as leaving and updates when not moving in traffic. When i got home all he can say is what time did you leave. You always leave at rush hour, you dont care enough about me to be home for when i get in.

Dp originally had been getting in at 5.15 but has been arriving later the last few months so 5.30/5.40 so we could have arrived a similar time without the accident.

Aibu? Should i always be home when he gets in from work to show I care?

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 10/10/2014 14:33

No you shouldn't. Yanbu.

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 10/10/2014 14:33

God you have 2 toddlers.

Aherdofmims · 10/10/2014 14:33

Yanbu. He sounds very odd! Why should you be back first?

ilovepowerhoop · 10/10/2014 14:36

no you are not being unreasonable but he is

I am mainly home before dh but on a Friday I go to my sisters and he beats me home despite him going to play football after work. I try to be home for 9pm (!) so I can eat with him.

Is he controlling in other ways?

cherrybombxo · 10/10/2014 14:36

Is he fucking kidding? My DP gets home from work early evening and I get in at 7pm on nights that I go to the gym, 9.15pm on nights that I have college after work. According to your DP, I must treat mine with sheer contempt if you go by the times I get home.

I do all of the cooking too, I must be leaving my poor little lamb to starve as well Wink

LeftRightCentre · 10/10/2014 14:39

To show you care? What a nobber he sounds.

OOAOML · 10/10/2014 14:39

Why do you need to be in? Is he a 1950s husband who expects you to warm his slippers, pour him a drink, and rub his shoulders when he gets in? Does he sit in a dark, cold house waiting for someone who knows how to switch the lights on?

FloralFuckery · 10/10/2014 14:39

WTF?

Does he want a red carpet too? Wink

LadyLuck10 · 10/10/2014 14:40

Yanbu, how childish of him. What does caring have to do with this.

WellnowImFucked · 10/10/2014 14:40

Seriously???

What is he afraid of being in the house alone?
Will the Boogey Man get him?

Or is he just afraid he might have to do something for himself?

PotteringAlong · 10/10/2014 14:41

My DH loves it when he gets in and we're not home! It's the only peace he gets!

LineRunner · 10/10/2014 14:41

Did he make supper?

mawbroon · 10/10/2014 14:41

Is he expecting you to be greeting him at the door with a ribbon in your hair?

like this??

HalfTheSky · 10/10/2014 14:41

Yuck. Let me guess - you're supposed to have dinner on the table is what he actually means?

Fabulassie · 10/10/2014 14:42

He's being very unreasonable. Frankly, a lot of parents would enjoy coming home to a quiet house once in a while if there are ordinarily two noisy toddlers.

Is this about him wanting to be greeted and served? Is he unable to be alone? Or does he just want to control you?

Goldmandra · 10/10/2014 14:42

you dont care enough about me to be home for when i get in

Since when did caring about someone equate to always being there when they arrive home? He's got himself in a bit of a time warp I think. This is not the 1950s.

Is he this needy in other ways too?

ooerrmissus · 10/10/2014 14:42

Doesn't he have his own key yet? Maybe when he grows up a bit?

redskybynight · 10/10/2014 14:43

Maybe DH is wanting to spend the maximum amount of time with his DW and DC?

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 10/10/2014 14:43

Whaaat? is this the 1920s? Is he expecting bathed and pjd dcs, and a lippied up dainty wife!?

Fuck that for a lark.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 10/10/2014 14:44

Red its one day.

Original poster
ticktocktime2rock · 10/10/2014 14:44

Thanks for the replies. Ds is only 2 and i currently do 2 long days at work and look after ds the other three so I cook clean all those days plus the weekend. I know he wanted to see ds but by the time I get to my mums I always lose track of time and its so easy to leave at 5 not 4.

I think he's jealous because his parents live in another country. We do see them at least 4 times a year for at least a week a time but i know he misses them. It feels although I see my parents more often we don't get much quality time. I'm worried to go more oftern because i can't guarentee what time we'll be back

OP posts:
HalfTheSky · 10/10/2014 14:45

If so, Redsky, then he'd probably be better off acknowledging she would have been home earlier had she not been stuck in a traffic jam with a toddler for an hour and twenty minutes of that journey. Poor you, I'm glad you're home safe, dinner on the table, whisk the child off to give mum a chance to defrazzle, that kind of thing.

Summerisle1 · 10/10/2014 14:45

Being home before him is absolutely no evidence of care. It is merely evidence of being at home.

You couldn't have done more to keep him updated about your delayed journey but in any case, this is 2014, not 1914. Although his attitude suggests differently.

LineRunner · 10/10/2014 14:46

He's jealous you see your family? Bonkers

duhgldiuhfdsli · 10/10/2014 14:49

I think he's jealous because his parents live in another country.

Is this the dreaded "cultural issues"?

Whatever, he sounds unhinged.