To not always be home before dp

[ticktocktime2rock]

I had a massive arguement with dp last night. There was a collision on a motorway leading to long tailbacks causing me to take 2 hours when it usually takes 40mins

I had been to see my parents, I usually only go once a month to spend the day as my mum looks after ds once a week so i don't see her very often. I lost track of time as can easily happen with a toddler and left at 5. I text him as leaving and updates when not moving in traffic. When i got home all he can say is what time did you leave. You always leave at rush hour, you dont care enough about me to be home for when i get in.

Dp originally had been getting in at 5.15 but has been arriving later the last few months so 5.30/5.40 so we could have arrived a similar time without the accident.

Aibu? Should i always be home when he gets in from work to show I care?

Big red flags , and I bet there are more .............

For future reference, the correct response from him would have been "you poor thing! Two hours in a car with a 2 year old must have been hell. I've made dinner and run you a bath - why don't you relax while I get DS to bed and then we can snuggle up in front of the TV".

So basically your life, and how you spend your time, is expected to revolve around your knuckle-dragging hubby's desire to come in, going 'Honey! I'm home!" while you rush to him adoringly?

I would laugh if I didn't feel so sorry for you

I could imagine him saying something inappropriate from pure relief if he was worried you'd been involved in the accident - but you'd been in contact with him on the way home?

Very odd behaviour from him. Stamp on it right now. No, you don't always have to be home before him. You will not always be home before him. If he doesn't like it, the door is over there. (Though you might want to leave earlier on a Friday just so you're not stuck in rush hour traffic. For your sake, not his.)

Is he your DS' dad? If not, get rid.

In a nutshell YANBU! It's not normal to feel you have to be home when he gets in, really it isn't. Wanting to spend time together is fine, but this seems as if it goes deeper.

It does sound like he's very controlling. The fact that you are reluctant to visit your own mum more often because he would make life difficult for you if you are late home is very worrying.

I've never experienced an abusive relationship, but have learnt so much from reading the boards here, it's been an eye opener! You should get over to relationships and have a read, and start your own thread. You will get so much support. Take care xx

I think it is sad you cannot even go and see your parents at the weekend.

I am from a European country, and only see my parents 4 times a year, but that dies not mean DH can only see HIS patents 4 times a year, and neither am I jealous.

What a weird life view to have.

And how sad you can not see your parents at weekends, at all.

I would understand he would like done, or even mist, weekends just the 3 of you.

But this is seriously weird

Ticktock, presumably he chose to live in another country, leaving his parents far far behind. Presumably he chose to settle here, leaving them far far behind. He cannot punish you by refusing to support you in seeing your own family just because he chose to make it difficult for himself to see his.

The only thing you can do is to continue to live your life as you would if you had a reasonable h. If you want to see your parents, friends, family, then make arrangements to see them and do it.

You are going to need so much support from them in the future if your h carries on behaving like this.