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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think colleague is pushing it a bit with this excuse!

98 replies

butterytoastandmarmalade · 08/10/2014 22:33

She's had her wrists slapped (mild rebuke) over timekeeping.

'She (our supervisor) hasn't got kids!' she thundered.

a) they aren't 'hers', they are stepchildren - she lives with their parent.
b) they are aged 14, 11 and 5 - hardly babies!

AIBU and a bitch!? Or is that a really naff excuse!

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 08/10/2014 22:35

She's step mum to a 5 year old?

Yes, she has kids ...

BOFster · 08/10/2014 22:36

She's just grumbling, understandably. It's no skin off your nose really.

immortalwife · 08/10/2014 22:36

When you marry, stepchildren are partly your responsibility. Just a point. That's why they have the terms stepmother, stepfather, step parenting... Etc.

But saying that, having kids is a bad excuse to be late unless it's a rare emergency. She should arrange child care if and when required.

amyhamster · 08/10/2014 22:37

I drop my kids at 8.40 at school gate & have to walk 20 minutes to work
Often the teachers don't open the gate until 8.45 so I'm invariably 5 minutes late
Luckily my bosses don't mind
You don't sound very nice op !

Original poster

butterytoastandmarmalade · 08/10/2014 22:38

We'll, she's not married but I take your point. But they are at home with their parent - she was using it as an excuse as in 'we had a bad nights sleep.'

OP posts:

Andrewofgg · 08/10/2014 22:38

Is her poor timekeeping impacting other people's work?

Original poster

butterytoastandmarmalade · 08/10/2014 22:39

Slightly silly assumption, Amy, based on ONE post! I'm actually very nice but I think 'she doesn't have kids' is an unpleasant thing to say about somebody and it's annoying when people are late as I'm sure you know.

OP posts:

Stealthpolarbear · 08/10/2014 22:40

Yes that's a bit pathetic!

WhiskeyTangoAlphaFoxtrot · 08/10/2014 22:44

you're not responsible for another woman's children if you marry their father!!

I'm confused though. Is she using being a step parent as an excuse for being late for work. Maybe her morning was thrown out of its usual routine because her step children were around. That could happen couldn't it?

Original poster

butterytoastandmarmalade · 08/10/2014 22:47

They live with her all the time :) and her partner.

It's not a one off, it's been a problem for a while which is why she got her wrists slapped. Obviously everyone is occasionally late because of traffic or just a bad morning.

OP posts:

Pico2 · 08/10/2014 22:50

YANBU.

If you can't make it to work on time due to childcare commitments, then you need to look at ways of fixing the problem. It might be a flexible working request to get in 10 min late, some form of childcare or getting up earlier.

There is no point in your colleague feeling resentful about being reprimanded for being late. The normal response should be "sorry I'm late" possibly with an explanation. There is no point in her blaming your boss, she wasn't late.

I can see the resentment that builds against some staff who get in late regularly (not childcare related) and the impact on staff morale.

However I don't think it is fair to draw a distinction regarding her being a step-parent and the ages are fairly irrelevant. 5 yo still need quite a lot of care and teenagers can go through crises.

It isn't clear from your post whether this was a one off or a regular occurrence.

QuintessentiallyQS · 08/10/2014 22:50

So, your colleague is the step parent of three kids living with her, are you saying she has not got kids?

Have you got kids?

FelixTitling · 08/10/2014 22:51

Do you have kids buttery?

Pico2 · 08/10/2014 22:52

X post. She does need to sort herself out. But if someone has children living with them, it isn't up to you to second guess how involve she is or should be in their lives, just because they are step children.

Original poster

butterytoastandmarmalade · 08/10/2014 22:53

No, I haven't got children.

Obviously, I know this means I should never comment on those who do.

Colleagues partner is a SAHP and her reason for being late is the kids keeping them up which I think is a mildly flaky excuse given they aren't dealing with newborn night feeds or similar! All the children are school age after all.

With her logic everyone with a newborn through to secondary aged children would be late all the time!

I'm just not sure it works as an excuse!

OP posts:

Original poster

butterytoastandmarmalade · 08/10/2014 22:56

To be honest, I find the 'have you got kids' posts quite mean.

I had a baby boy. He was born too early. I'd have loved to have been late to work because he'd kept me awake.

Anyway ... as you were, ladies.

OP posts:

FelixTitling · 08/10/2014 22:56

No, I haven't got children. Obviously, I know this means I should never comment on those who do.

I think you need to take your own advice.

MsVestibule · 08/10/2014 22:57

I'm presuming that as the three children live with her and her partner, she has all the practical responsibilities of being a mother. Therefore, I can't see why you're labouring the point that she doesn't have children. In this situation, whether she gave birth to them or not is irrelevant.

She's moaning that her manager has rebuked get for being late - most people whine about their manager. TBH, I'm not sure I get your point.

Original poster

butterytoastandmarmalade · 08/10/2014 22:57

I don't think

OP posts:

flightywoman · 08/10/2014 22:58

How old are your children OP? And how many do you have? Have they got colds at the moment, or a cough? Have they been restless at night recently? What's your most recent experience of a 5 year old? Because they can do some stuff but they still need help to get ready. And sometimes they just want to run around with their pants on their head!

She's probably on the defensive because she knows she should be better at timekeeping, but on the other hand she is a parent to 3 children - step or not they are children with whom she lives and that she looks after.

I only have one child, nearly 7, and I have to run our morning with military precision to make sure we get in on time. One little thing can start it unravelling. A sluggish 11 year old, a 5 year old that wants to play or tickle and a 14 year old being a 14 year old are 3 very different scenarios to deal with.

But, essentially, and in relation to your original question, YABU. She does have children whether they came from her body or not.

QuintessentiallyQS · 08/10/2014 22:58

So your gripe is really that colleague moans that people without kids dont understand what it is like?

She is right you know. And you are doing a good job of proving it.

HTH.

As an after thought. If 5 year old wets her bed in the night (so the bedding needs changing and child needs stripping off and a shower), has a fever, cough and cold, a nightmare, or a tummy bug that causes her to vomit down her bedding (so the bedding needs changing and child needs stripping off and a shower, again) every hour, who do you think is up? One parent? Or do you reckon both adults are woken up by the commotion? Or maybe the teens are woken up and start complaining/shouting etc?

Or if the 14 year old has a drama with friends? Girlfriend/boyfriend broke up? Has exams in school? Comes home drunk? Who in the house does this affect?

ShutTheFuckUpBarbara · 08/10/2014 23:00

Why all the sniping at the OP?

MsVestibule · 08/10/2014 23:00

Maybe I'm being a bit unfair. I do see your point that millions of working parents manage to get to work on time every day, so why can't she? But I don't know her personal circumstances; in her case, the reasons my be valid. Of maybe she just struggles to get out of bed.

QuintessentiallyQS · 08/10/2014 23:00

Sorry for your loss. I can see another reason why you are so irritated by your colleagues's troubles.

Original poster

butterytoastandmarmalade · 08/10/2014 23:00

Sorry!

I don't think I'm labouring the point she doesn't have children, I'm just pointing out that their primary care doesn't rest with her.

My main point was really more to do with the ages of the children meaning they didn't require endless get ups at night. I think you'd expect to be woken up by a baby.

Nicely though - this wasn't a thread about whether or not I have children, as I won't get to experience that particular joy it's quite upsetting when people use it as a slur in your character.

I'm sure our (lovely) supervisor would be mortified too.

OP posts:

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