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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you think it's weird for a 25 year old to still be a virgin?

96 replies

thisissobloodyawkward · 07/10/2014 21:06

Just that really.

I have also name changed as I am so Blush.

But that's basically me right now. I'm 25 and have never had sex. Sometimes I'm okay with it and other times like right now I just feel so pathetic and childish because of it.

I do want to have sex but I'm the kind of person who couldn't have sex with someone just for the sake of it or with someone who I don't love (god that sounds so corny!). And unfortunately for me I haven't met that person yet. I have had relationships but I just couldn't imagine having sex with them - it just wasn't right for me at that time.

I know society views older virgins as being weird and odd and there is no way I could ever admit this to anyone in real life.

So am I weird?

OP posts:
HopesDaddy · 08/10/2014 09:28

Didn't lose mine until 24 and best mate when he was 30. Nothing to worry about. Think when you plan your first sexual experience be honest it's your first time, allow him to tailor his behaviour towards you appropriately..

Original poster
thisissobloodyawkward · 08/10/2014 09:38

Care to elaborate, MrsCobbit?

OP posts:
Original poster
thisissobloodyawkward · 08/10/2014 09:41

Thanks everyone, it's nice to see I am not the only one.

This might sound weird, but on a personal level I don't actually care if I never have sex. It's never really interested me. But I know that is weird and if I told anyone in real life that they would probably think there's something wrong with me. And maybe there is.

OP posts:
Miggsie · 08/10/2014 09:52

I was in my 20's before I met someone I could even think I was attracted to - sometimes it takes a while to get the chemistry with someone.

If you have a few drinks before the first time it shouldn't hurt because the alcohol acts as a muscle relaxant - also, you do need to be relaxed and really warmed up!

I wouldn't think there was anything wrong with you if you said you hadn't had sex, lots of people don't or do it then decide it's not for them. It isn't weird - I think prizing virginity as the most important thing about a woman - now THAT is weird.

I feel odd because I hate shopping and don't care about shoes or handbags or make up so feel a bit like I'm not a "proper" woman according to standard gender cliches.

DH's friends thought he was gay till he met me - his social circle at the time tended to shag each other randomly and he never joined in.

SolidGoldBrass · 08/10/2014 10:59

OK, I think a lot of people are clinging to the old, misogynistic, superstitious bullshit line that 'virginity' is all about whether or not a penis as entered a vagina, because penis-in-vagina is the only activity that counts as 'sex'.

It's the activity that might lead to conception, but there is so much more to sex than PIV. There are a lot of people whose lives don't include any PIV at all, but who get pleasure, sexual gratification and orgasm as well from a whole range of other activities, whether with a partner or by themselves. PIV can be pretty boring - this guff about 'when it's with the right man it's wonderful' is another myth. When you're 'in love' you're more inclined to put up with boring or uncomfortable sex to please the man.

TeWiSavesTheDay · 08/10/2014 11:08

Feel like I should add another it shouldn't hurt vote - there's no such thing (for 99% of women) as a hymen that needs to be broken - there was a wonderful Scandinavian leaflet about hymen myths knocking around but I can't find it.

And I agree that saving all sexual contact probably isn't a great idea unless you really don't want to (it's totally okay to not want to do sexual things just because you don't fancy it) purely because it's an excellent way to find out if sex (in any form) is something you personally enjoy or whether a particular individual might be good to try new things with.
Expect that meeting The One is suddenly going to solve everything is not a great idea either, it puts a lot of pressure on yourself and the other person and feeling pressured is never a good dynamic for sex.

elQuintoConyo · 08/10/2014 11:27

I was 23.
DH was 25.

Nowt weird about either of us.

DBil is 39 and seems very a-sexual, doesn't show any interest in either sex. I don't think he is weird either.

You'd b surprised at the truth behind closed doors. Please be kind to yourself Thanks

Pandora452 · 08/10/2014 11:39

I'm 27 and its only recently my libido has woken up :) Currently single but I do tell partners because imo its important they realise where I am versus where they are and make sure we're all on the same page. Never had it be an issue

DaddyBeer · 08/10/2014 15:29

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you this is, and I'll tell you why (IMO anyway).

When I was in my late teens, all my mates knew I hadn't had sex. I never made a secret of it. Some used to ask me, "don't you miss it?", and my reply was always logical, "you can't miss what you've never had". My point being, how would it be unusual to miss something you've not experienced? It is literally not possible, so to judge yourself on that basis is a little unfair.

Sex is - or can be - kind of like a box that once you open, it will change you (and hopefully in a good way). But there's absolutely no need to open that box before you feel ready, and IMO you shouldn't. Overwhelming majority opinion here seems to support you and show you that you're in no way alone or necessarily that unusual. It really isn't weird. The truth is, lots of people have sex "early" for a whole load of reasons, including peer pressure, pressure from partners, and also their own pressure from thinking it's weird to still be a virgin. What you show - and I'm not bigging you up here, just being honest - is that you know your own mind. Not a bad quality to have. You really want to be the same as "everyone else"? Trust me, it's overrated.

DuelingFanjo · 09/10/2014 23:12

sGB there are also some people who have no PIV sex AND don't do anything else you would count as sex like, for example, masturbation.

sone of us are made that way.

Aridane · 10/10/2014 11:49

unusual - not weird

Skinheadmermaid · 10/10/2014 11:55

No, and don't rush in to anything. I was desperate to lose my virginity and slept with a complete arsehole at 24 as he was literally the only man that had showed brief interest in me (I'd been very obese prior to that).
We had a pointless three week relationship. I regret not waiting for the right person and I started dating DH the month after we broke up (if you can even call it that).
I'm 26 now and happily married.

ALittleFaith · 10/10/2014 14:15

thisis I was 27. I did have religious beliefs influencing that but honestly, until I was 24 and met my first Artois boyfriend, I wasn't really sure what all the fuss was about. I hooked up with some guys but there was no real passion or spark. I'm glad I didn't sleep with my ex he turned out to be a knob but I knew what passion was. I'm really glad I waited for DH. He was patient and kind - sex the first time was tender but not agonising. It gets better quickly though! ;)

motherinferior · 10/10/2014 14:22

I agree (I frequently do) with SGB and TeWi.

Sex is often terrifically good fun. It is not a Sacred Rite. It isn't a Gift to be Given. It doesn't need to involve the Right Man, not least because the Right Man might be quite wrong because of not being a woman. (Nor, come to that, is there anything wrong with having had plenty of sex with lots of different partners, and/or combinations of partner.)

I think if I'm honest it's a pity not to give it a whirl in some shape or form (fnar) to see if you enjoy it, but if you don't feel like it, that's up to you. I don't think it's morally better not to have tried it, though.

Orangeanddemons · 10/10/2014 14:24

I think you need to be sure that this is about finding the real person and not about the fear of having sex.

SolidGoldBrass · 10/10/2014 15:15

DUeling: Yes, I know some people are entirely asexual and (once again) if they are happy that way, good luck to them.

amicissimma · 10/10/2014 17:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ArcheryAnnie · 10/10/2014 18:03

Not weird, and not nearly as unusual as you think. I'm on Another Forum where everyone is anon, mostly women, and the number of twentysomethings and older who say they haven't yet had sex - and quite a few who never want to - is quite striking.

You do what you want with your body, when you want to. Good for you for knowing what you want and what you don't!

nihatsgirl · 10/10/2014 21:38

I have a 36 year old friend who is a virgin. In my home country, most girls are virgins before marraige. Easily 70%.

myparrotcantalk · 10/10/2014 21:46

It's weird in that it's unusual IMO.

I do think there's more to it than simply not being ready in your case though going by your later posts.

myparrotcantalk · 10/10/2014 21:49

Yes I agree MrsCobbit can you please explain further?

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