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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would it be rude to write "no siblings" on a party invite?

78 replies

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 07/10/2014 18:45

Just doing ds's birthday invitations. We're having it at home so space is limited. Was going to write 'unfortunately due to space we can't extend the invite to siblings'. Would you think I was rude.

Children will be 6/7 so old enough to be left in most cases. Parents are welcome to stay or go as they can hang out in the kitchen but the thought of an extra 10 toddlers/preschoolers or lummoxing pre teens running around to makes me feel ill!.

OP posts:
DaisyFlowerChain · 07/10/2014 18:47

It's not rude at all, it's those that bring along uninvited guests that are rude.

bakingtins · 07/10/2014 18:49

I was going to say 'no siblings' was a bit abrupt, but the fuller explanation is fine.

surroundedbyblondes · 07/10/2014 18:50

Surely 6/7 year olds are just being dropped off and collected at the end of the party??? Why would either siblings or parents need to stay?

Original poster
itiswhatitiswhatitis · 07/10/2014 18:50

Oh good. I usually make up extra party bags and stuff so they can take one home for brothers and sisters. It's just about space if it was in a hall I wouldn't be too fussed.

OP posts:
AmIthatHot · 07/10/2014 18:51

Agree with Daisy. I have never known this to happen, but clearly many MNers have.

If your child isn't invited, why would you expect them to be able to attend

Not rude OP

Onedropoflove · 07/10/2014 18:53

I can't see pretends wanted to go to a 6/7 year olds party. It will be fine.

Minikievs · 07/10/2014 18:54

Nope, it's rude to bring them if they aren't actually invited!

Mrsgrumble · 07/10/2014 18:54

I think you have worded it really well and it's inoffensive. YANBU

PfftTheMagicDraco · 07/10/2014 18:55

I've had it before - people turn up, sibling in tow (which I don't have an issue with) but then they don't stop the child sitting down, helping themselves to food and announcing they want a party bag at the end!

This has always been for younger parties though, at that age you can specify a dump and run on the invite, no?

ShakesBootyFlabWobbles · 07/10/2014 18:58

YANBU and it is a nonsense you even have to say it, such bad manners to turn up at a party with extra children without asking.

I've had this at every party my children have had. I even had one mum whose 2 children were invited not bring one child (after accepting for both) and brought a random friend of her daughter's, FFS.

Lots of these mums are prime thankyou note writers too; double standard manners when it suits them, grrrr rant off my chest

I must point out that if I don't mind if people ask in advance so I can either agree (no limit on per head) or decline (fixed numbers), then that's OK.

ShesAStar · 07/10/2014 18:58

It's not rude, just a fact. I always bring both my DC because often my DH works on the weekend so I need to bring them both as I have no alternative child care. Maybe at this age those whose siblings have no alternative child care can be left and picked up at the end?

Original poster
itiswhatitiswhatitis · 07/10/2014 18:59

I don't think pre teens would want to be there but I've seen a fair few dragged along to soft play parties in my time.

OP posts:
ShakesBootyFlabWobbles · 07/10/2014 19:02

ShesAStar - Do you ask in advance though? If you do then that's fine, but if you don't then I disagree with you, it is rude. The host hasn't catered, sorted a party bag, sorted pass the parcel wraps (with a prize for each child playing).

QuintessentiallyQS · 07/10/2014 19:02

At that age, and in somebody's home (as opposed to a venue that is open to the public), it is still rude though. Mostly from reception age and up, children are left.

If you invite parents to stay (which you dont have to, and seems odd) you cant barr them from bringing siblings, as you cant discriminate between sibling-bringing and sibling free parents.

2rebecca · 07/10/2014 19:05

Why not just drop your child off and do something else with the noninvited child?
I think if you can only let your child go to a party if his sibling comes to then you should ask the parents if that is OK or whether they'd just prefer you to decline the invite.
I would probably have automatically declined the invite though rather than make the parents hosting the party feel awkward. If the siblings name isn't on the invite then they aren't invited.
I've never had this happen but only started having parties when the kids were school age and nearly all parents just dropped their kids off in the same way they drop them off at school. If they're old enough to cope at school without a parent they should be fine for a couple of hours with a group of kids they know. If not you decline.

clam · 07/10/2014 19:06

"It's not rude, just a fact."

Er no. IT IS BLOODY RUDE!!!!! Accept it. You might have a reason for doing so, but that doesn't stop it being rude.

Guitargirl · 07/10/2014 19:06

I don't think it would be rude at all OP. We have received lots of similarly worded invitations and I wouldn't bat an eyelid. In many ways it's a bit of a relief when someone explains things right from the start.

Original poster
itiswhatitiswhatitis · 07/10/2014 19:06

I wasn't planning on saying anything on the invites about parents staying it's just not a massive issue if they do. I'm always happy for parents to stay if they want. DS's has SN so I do tend to hang around at parties so wouldn't want anyone to feel they couldn't stay if they were a bit worried about their child IYSWIM?

OP posts:
ShesAStar · 07/10/2014 19:09

ShakesBootyFlabWobbles I do ask in advance because I feel it's polite to, however, I have never minded little siblings being brought to our parties and make up a few extra party bags and balloons just in case. It's not something that has ever annoyed me (and there's not much in life I can say that about!) - they're only a few extra children - can't they just join in the fun?

If it's a party where you take the children bowling or to a soft play it's a bit different because then you pay per head.

Fabulous46 · 07/10/2014 19:09

I never invited siblings to any of our children's parties. I had one mother bring younger siblings along once (which I thought was very rude) and asked her to wait outside the room with them. She wasn't happy! I never understand why people think it's ok to bring siblings along to a party unless they're invited. We had family parties until the kids were at school and could be left. My niece has kids and it really annoys her that people just rock up with siblings that aren't invited. You're not rude at all.

Guitargirl · 07/10/2014 19:09

We have had uninvited siblings at every party we have held. It's a PITA. I do extra party bags but I am a bit of a control freak when it comes to organising parties and extra small people MESS UP THE SYSTEM!!!

ShesAStar · 07/10/2014 19:10

Clam when I said 'It's not rude just a fact' I was refereing to the OP not having enough space - she asked if she was being rude.

Chandon · 07/10/2014 19:10

excellently worded, just do it!

OddFodd · 07/10/2014 19:10

Of course it's rude to take a child who isn't invited! Take the invited child and then go away.

OP - a couple of years ago I did a build a bear party at home and opened the door, let the child in, said 'thanks, come back in 2 hours' and pretty much closed the door on the parents' faces.

blibblibs · 07/10/2014 19:11

It does happen. DS was at a party the other weekend and his friend and little sister were there (little sister not invited) and it wasn't a childcare issue as Mum, Dad and Grandparents stayed at the party Shock