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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would it be rude to write "no siblings" on a party invite?

78 replies

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 07/10/2014 18:45

Just doing ds's birthday invitations. We're having it at home so space is limited. Was going to write 'unfortunately due to space we can't extend the invite to siblings'. Would you think I was rude.

Children will be 6/7 so old enough to be left in most cases. Parents are welcome to stay or go as they can hang out in the kitchen but the thought of an extra 10 toddlers/preschoolers or lummoxing pre teens running around to makes me feel ill!.

OP posts:

ShesAStar · 07/10/2014 19:12

OddFodd - how delightful!

whatever5 · 07/10/2014 19:13

It isn't rude although I'm surprised you have to tell people.

Guitargirl · 07/10/2014 19:14

Yes, we have had entire families come along too, invitee, mum, dad, sibling and grandparents. You'd think they would have more interesting things to do with their weekends than all hang around at a kids party. And once a parent dropped off an older sibling, along with the invitee, said 'you don't mind, do you?' And before I had a chance to open my mouth, she was gone.

NotMNRoyalty · 07/10/2014 19:15

It's not at all rude. Just be ready in case apparent tries to slip a sibling in...

NanFucker · 07/10/2014 19:15

Shesastar- oh my god! Of course it's rude to take siblings who aren't invited! We've had this at most parties we've done, even the three 'pay per child' parties eg soft play/go karts etc. the one bowling party cost me £60 more due to uninvited (and no polite request in advance!) siblings

Summerisle1 · 07/10/2014 19:17

No. It's not rude as you have worded it.

It might be umpteen years ago but I still haven't forgotten ds2's 6th birthday which was totally trashed by a gang of uninvited older siblings who were clearly bored by the activities that the 6 year olds had been enjoying. None of the siblings needed to be there since the partygoers were all old enough to left and all the parents lived locally so it would have been perfectly possible for them to drop and go home.

It never occurred to me that people would bring uninvited older children but clearly, I was extremely naive in my expectations.

soapboxqueen · 07/10/2014 19:17

I think there is a difference between turning up at a party with a sibling who just happens to be there and turning up with a sibling and expecting them to have food and take part etc.

All of the parties at my ds's school have had both older and younger siblings present. They all just sit to one side with a game or phone or tablet or something. We take lunch for my dd as we wouldn't expect her to get anything while she is there as she has not been invited. If it is a soft play I would expect siblings to be paid for at the door. Not everyone has childcare for stuck occasions.

By all means put on the invite that you cannot accommodate siblings, if nothing else it will give people time to make arrangements or decline.

OddFodd · 07/10/2014 19:18

The children are invited. Not their parents, grandparents, siblings or any other assorted hangers on. It's DS's party and there aren't any plus ones. It's not a wedding!

QuintessentiallyQS · 07/10/2014 19:19

I also misunderstood ShesAStar- I too thought you meant it was not rude to bring siblings, it was just a fact, as opposed to it not being rude to state it on the invite, as it is a fact that there is no space.

treaclesoda · 07/10/2014 19:20

my sister once had a child come to her dd's party and bring along a random friend that no one else at the party knew - apparently the child's mum was meant to be looking after the other child for her friend but thought it would be nice for her to come to the party. The girls were about 9 years old, so not small kids. The uninvited girl then sat in the corner sobbing for two hours, refused all offers to join in, cried that everyone was mean to her and she didn't like them and at the end demanded a party bag. And when the mother arrived to pick them up and was told what happened she didn't even say sorry. Uninvited guests can ruin the day.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 07/10/2014 19:29

Not at all unreasonable.

Leeds2 · 07/10/2014 19:30

YANBU!

ShakesBootyFlabWobbles · 07/10/2014 19:36

ShesAStar - if you have asked in advance, I have no problem with that at all as you've given the host a chance to say it is fine or decline. As you say, you can whip up an extra party bag. Not all parties can allow extra people due to space or budget.
It is turning up with unannounced extra people that is rude dare I say entitled oh I just did IMO.

SauvignonBlanche · 07/10/2014 19:37

YANBU
You shouldn't need to say it though, it's amazing that people are so rude as to try and drop off uninvited siblings.

ShakesBootyFlabWobbles · 07/10/2014 19:38

I also misunderstood what you were saying ShesAStar

Wellwellwell3holesintheground · 07/10/2014 19:39

I always write 'drop off xxx time, pick up xxx time'. And no, you don't get to just turn up with siblings. DH works at weekends and I've never felt the need to do this.

KatieKaye · 07/10/2014 19:48

*Of course it's rude to take a child who isn't invited! Take the invited child and then go away.

OP - a couple of years ago I did a build a bear party at home and opened the door, let the child in, said 'thanks, come back in 2 hours' and pretty much closed the door on the parents' faces.*

Oddfodd, you are my hero.
It is stunningly rude to take an uninvited child to a party. The invitation states who is invited and that is that. taking another kid too is just telling the host that your plans are more important than theirs. And it is stunningly rude.

Doodledot · 07/10/2014 19:50

Not rude. At 6 I would expect to leave Dd

jamtoast12 · 07/10/2014 20:05

I'd just write drop off only please.

ShesAStar · 07/10/2014 20:10

ShakesBootyFlabWobbles no problem, I think people have assumed I am answering later posts when I was answering the OP

Fabulous46 · 07/10/2014 20:13

I also never understand why parents would call and ask of it's ok to bring a sibling along. I imagine a lot of mums would be too polite to say no unlike me I think asking to bring a sibling is just as bad as turning up with them. It must put party hosts on the spot!

temporarilyjerry · 07/10/2014 20:20

When DS2 had a birthday party,his friend turned up with his older brother who was in the same class as DS1. I asked their mother if the older brother wanted to stay. She said no as he was going to football training. 15 minutes later, they were back saying football training was cancelled as it was raining so the older brother could come to the party.

Bearfrills · 07/10/2014 20:36

DD is only just turned 3yo so doesn't get invited to many parties, DS2 is 7mo so doesn't get invited to any, and DS1 is 5yo and at school so gets invited to quite a few.

I take DS2 to all of the parties because I don't think the no siblings rule applies to babes in arms but when I RSVP I always say something along the lines of "I'll have the baby with me, if that's okay, he's only xx months so will just be on my knee". No one ever has a problem with it.

If it's a soft play party during a public session (so not private/exclusive hire) then I take DD along and pay for her to go in the soft play but I certainly wouldn't expect food or a party bag, I buy her food to eat while the party guests are having their food and she sits with us rather than at the party table with the party children.

If it's at a hall or other venue and DH is off work I leave her with DH. If he is working that weekend then when I RSVP I say something like "DH is working that weekend, if I can get a babysitter for DD then DS will be there, I will let you know nearer the time". The parent will then either say okay or will say to bring her along, it's their choice.

Where are all of these drop and run parties!? Where I live it still seems to be the norm to stay to the party, DS is currently getting invites to 6th birthday parties with no sign of a drop and run

OddFodd · 07/10/2014 20:41

Yay Katie! I'm never anyone's hero :o

I had 14 kids who had to choose and stuff a bear, decorate a tshirt and eat within 2 hours so I had to run it like a military operation. Parents hanging around would have been disastrous!

campingfilth · 07/10/2014 21:02

Nope and I fully intend to put that on DS invitations along with please RSVP to get a party bag. Just like I did last year and I put the names of the kids who'd RSVP's on the party bags so although some cheeky fuckers did stay with the actual invited kids there was no party bags going spare LOL

Party's cost enough without having to pay for 10+ guests that weren't even invited in the first place.

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