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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Im not benefit bashing but AIBU to think this is a bloody joke??

122 replies

Candyflosshair · 07/10/2014 10:46

NC for this. My sister is 29, she is living with my mum, pays no bills, rent, food or anything and is currently pregnant. She gets £60 pw in JSA (soon to be IS) and the baby's dad has a high paying job, although they don't live together/ aren't together.
She has recently been given a £500 grant from the government as she is on benefits and pregnant. Today she has told me her grants come through and she's on her way to buy an iPhone 6 with this money plus the extra JSA she doesn't use/need.
I no it is more a moral situation but I can't see woman queuing up to reject £500 for nothing..
AIBU to think this is a joke

OP posts:
Original poster
Candyflosshair · 08/10/2014 10:32

It's not on contract she's never had a legit job so has no credit for contract. I'm not envious of her at all but i earn 18k per year and am on my own and I got no help when pregnant, but because she's on benefits she received £500 ( which she clearly didnt need) I now have a 6 week old DD and have considered quitting my job as I would be better off solely on benefits without childcare ect to pay. So I think the whole thing is a joke and if I'd have quit my job when pregnant I would have not got my self into debt, be up to date with my rent ect.. But no one on here seems to think there Is any thing wrong so I'll quit my moaning!

OP posts:
HeeHiles · 08/10/2014 10:45

Why exactly is she selfish. She already has her baby stuff so she used her money to buy something she wanted

The grant is supposed to be for the baby - not to buy something the mum wanted, how does an i-phone benefit he baby?

Only1scoop · 08/10/2014 10:48

Exactly....500 pounds to spend on baby items etc....

Dreadful Hmm

Only1scoop · 08/10/2014 10:49

Blimey I'm shocked at how people view this kind of thing.

DiaDuit · 08/10/2014 10:49

OP think of how hard it will be for your sister when her baby is in school and she has no choice but to find work. She will struggle having a 5 year gap and no recent experience of anything. Your mum wont support her forever and she will one day find herself up shit creek without a paddle. Dont envy her this you are stuggling now but you are building up a career, NI, pension etc and when your DD starts school you will have reduced your childcare bill so have extra money too. I really do think it is worth it to stay in work if you can.

I left work when ds2 was born but i was with my exp then and it was financially better for us than paying for childcare- however 3 months after i quit, he left us and i was suddenly an unemployed single parent on income support. Ive been working part time as a cleaner since ds started school last year as it fits with school but i am having to go back to school and retrain to get anything like the wage i was on in the bank. I regret leaving work now even though at the time it was right for us.

SoonToBeSix · 08/10/2014 10:56

Op if you are in 18k claiming tax credits and have a six week old dd you are entitled to the £500 yourself. Claim before dd is 12 weeks old.

sashh · 08/10/2014 12:16

You should be angry with your mum for not charging rent etc, not the benefits. £500 isn't a lot to buy everything a baby needs and it is probably cheaper to give it to everyone on benefits with a baby than to means test it.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 08/10/2014 12:30

The grant is supposed to be for the baby - not to buy something the mum wanted, how does an i-phone benefit he baby?

No its a maternity grant that you could use towards baby equipment but you are under no obligation (other than with regard to neglect) to do so. They are not protected funds. Not is there any rule stating that you have to use it for xyz

Only1scoop · 08/10/2014 12:33

Amazing how the government can afford to dole out 500 pounds to all these people and don't even get a single say in how it's spent.

Shocking

jacks365 · 08/10/2014 12:45

The Maternity grant is means tested but because her only income is JSA she is entitled. How can you means test it any more than is already done.

jacks365 · 08/10/2014 12:47

Only1scoop if the government tried to tell you how you had to spend child benefit if you qualify how would you feel. That comes to more that £500

Only1scoop · 08/10/2014 12:52

I would only spend child benefit on the child it was given for and associated bills....and if I was lucky enough to receive 500 Maternity grant I would do the same again. Seems simple to me. That would not be my money to spend on an incredibly expensive item for myself.

If I'd been lucky enough to receive baby items from a relative as this woman has ....I'd invest it for the baby or buy the next 6 months worth of nappies.

Not treat myself.

BackOnlyBriefly · 08/10/2014 13:00

I would only spend child benefit on the child it was given for and associated bills

I bet everyone who has had to run a real household smiled at that. It sounds like the sort of thing someone says before they have had to deal with it.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 08/10/2014 13:03

Are you suggesting she's not going to buy her child nappies?

Another poster made a link to child benefit. Child benefit is your money you get to choose how you spend it, you can choose to directly give it to the child or you can choose to buy other stuff with it.

You are perfectly entitled to absorb the money into your household and use it how you see fit.

She's going to use much more than £500 for future child related costs

Only1scoop · 08/10/2014 13:03

We absolutely do run our own household....

NeedsAsockamnesty · 08/10/2014 13:06

Do you have more than 1 child that you get cb for scoop?

Only1scoop · 08/10/2014 13:07

No I have one dc....does that mean I am not allowed an opinion?

jacks365 · 08/10/2014 13:12

If you choose to have a second dc how would you deal with cb then?

NeedsAsockamnesty · 08/10/2014 13:14

Hmm I was asking a question,don't be so dramatic.

I was just wondering how on earth you would work it on that system if you had more than 1. Would you give more to the older child because the CB is higher for the older one. It's just a interesting outlook on the 'named child's money'

Only1scoop · 08/10/2014 13:17

If I was awarded a 500 MATERNITY grant by the government....

I would certainly not treat myself to a new iphone or any other extravagant gift for myself with the money.

Seems I may be in the minority here but just my personal thoughts

End of

morethanpotatoprints · 08/10/2014 13:23

Yes, the £500 is for baby things which she will buy eventually, what does it matter if she buys a phone with this money.
My kids cb used to be spent on things for me and dh or even a take away every now and then. They still got bought everything they needed and some months it came to more than the cb, what does it matter what people do with their money.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 08/10/2014 13:24

You don't get to end threads that's not how it works.

She could have brought clothes and shoes and nobody would have batted an eyelid its just because its a phone.

Perhaps she doesn't have a phone and feels she needs one more than she needs anything else maybe she's intending to use it as a tablet thingy because she does not have any other computer access perhaps she wanted a reliable one that will last her because she feels its essential to be able to keep in contact with the father of her child.Either way it matters not its her money and her choice.

As long as her child's needs are being met its nothing to do with anybody else

Theresadogonyourballs · 08/10/2014 13:27

An iphone 6? Pffft, she's an amateur. I know someone who spent hers on a new saddle for one of her many horses. And no, I am not making that up.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 08/10/2014 13:38

So what, a saddle,clothes,a pram,a car,a phone it does not matter.

It's her money.

I know several women who have used theirs to flee a violent relationship. some who used it for rent arrears, others who have used it to buy cars and one who spent the whole £500 on newborn sized frilly pink polyester dresses.

kikisunflower · 08/10/2014 13:39

Give her a break she's about to be a single mum stuck at home with her mum. It's a phone not a car or a house or a holiday it's just an iPhone to help her connect with friends and the outside world. Benefits are not paying her any housing benefit which would cost an awful lot more. She could do with a bit more moral support from you her sister. At least your mum has the decency to be looking after her in her situation, she is very lucky to have such a mum. Would you rather she was stuck in some dingy bug infested B&B miserable, lost depressed and on her own? No, I would hope not. Be supportive and not so critical.