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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Im not benefit bashing but AIBU to think this is a bloody joke??

122 replies

Candyflosshair · 07/10/2014 10:46

NC for this. My sister is 29, she is living with my mum, pays no bills, rent, food or anything and is currently pregnant. She gets £60 pw in JSA (soon to be IS) and the baby's dad has a high paying job, although they don't live together/ aren't together.
She has recently been given a £500 grant from the government as she is on benefits and pregnant. Today she has told me her grants come through and she's on her way to buy an iPhone 6 with this money plus the extra JSA she doesn't use/need.
I no it is more a moral situation but I can't see woman queuing up to reject £500 for nothing..
AIBU to think this is a joke

OP posts:
FloatIsRechargedNow · 07/10/2014 21:15

Candy how else was/is your dsis's situation different than yours? I know it's hard when a sibling gets more help than you. Of course it's completely silly to spend a maternity grant on an iphone and I quite agree with you. Maybe you can help your sis become as self-sufficient as you - show her the 'way' so to speak. Maybe share childcare costs and responsibilities?

Pumpkinpositive · 07/10/2014 21:24

I don't understand how you think giving people vouchers rather than cold hard cash will sort the wheat from the chaff in terms of ensuring only the truly 'deserving' benefit from the scheme?

So your sis doesn't get the £500 cash payment. She gets vouchers instead and then she flogs them on the black market and spends the money on an iPhone.

The system here isn't the problem. The problem is:

  1. your mum
  2. your sister
Fairyliz · 07/10/2014 21:26

What you get a grant for having a baby????? What happened to saving up to afford children and the father of your child contributing? ( Old gal here the one still using her £10 phone on a pay ad you go contract)

wooooosualsuspect · 07/10/2014 21:32

You might not benefit bashing, OP but there sure as hell is benefit bashing on this thread.

You didn't think that would happen though?

oh wait...

NeedsAsockamnesty · 07/10/2014 21:46

If she's entitled to the money then she is entitled to absorb it into her household and spend it on what ever she wants.

It is not your business or anybody else's what she spends that precise £500 on.

It could be a concern if she had not legally obtained the baby items and the baby was going without but clearly that's not the case here.

Your issue is with how your mum favours her nothing else

WhistlingPot · 07/10/2014 22:00

Would you feel differently if she'd used the £500 for the baby things, and your Mum had bought her an iphone as a treat?

Original poster
Candyflosshair · 07/10/2014 22:12

I would feel differently if my mum had bought it. She has never ever paid into the system. She has worked in a sleezy industry never paying tax and now she gets £500 for nothing, living at home with parents and a well off father to the child who will most likely fund him but because they do not live together this is not fraud. She also has a well off mother who pays for it all this is also not fraud. I guess I do have a problem with my mother funding her, but I also do not think she is the first person in the world to do this. And think it's a bloody joke that you can work on a shit wage and not expect the govt to fund you and you get nothing, yet this £500 can go to someone who doesn't need it. And reading this there clearly is people who need the grant and it's a good job they get it.. But just think it's a joke thousands of things are being cut but payments like this are going out to people who don't need or deserve it. Being on the system as never paying tax, on JSA your whole life but waltz in with the iPhone6! Clearly allot of people don't agree though and think it's my jealousy that's the issue.

OP posts:
Didactylos · 07/10/2014 22:18

OP it sounds as though your problem isn't generally with the benefits system, its with your family and the relationships with your D sis and mother.

Cabrinha · 07/10/2014 22:35

Mothercare voucher is a ridiculous idea.
Imagine being in desperate need of that £500 with a baby on the way.
And you can only buy an overpriced travel system.
£500 cash and you can everything you need for your baby for a year on eBay / charity shops / petrol money to collect freecycle items - and still have change!

The issue is your feckless sister and spoiling mother, not the benefits system.

vodkanchocolate · 07/10/2014 23:04

She will learn the hard way, shes not always going to be living with your mum, although certain people always seem to land on their feet she sounds like she could be one of them.

Dont tar all like this, I was still at my mums when I had my eldest and had to p[ay my way. The 500 I got went on a pram, cot and moses basket wasnt much change out of it I struggled to get everything else, I wasnt lucky enough to be getting hand outs off my mum, think she bought a few outfits and a bedding set nothing extravagant. It does annoy me how some parents still trat there grown up kids like babies, I have a friend who still gets 20 a week spending money off her dad ffs, she didnt have to buy anything herself for baby as her parents funded everything she bought a laptop with her grant. Im glad they have restricted them now as mums who had a few years in space of a few years were just blowing them on none essentials as had kept most of their previous stuff

SoonToBeSix · 07/10/2014 23:13

But a mothercare voucher can't be spent on eBay, nct sales, car boots etc.

SilverSilverSilver · 07/10/2014 23:49

Vouchers are indeed stigmatizing, and not particularly helpful for the reasons stated above.

If you have ever tried to buy anything with "Healthy Start" vouchers you will understand. I have actually cried at some checkouts. You are treated like scum.

BackOnlyBriefly · 08/10/2014 00:00

What you get a grant for having a baby?

Imagine you come home and find DH has buggered off with all the money and the landlord has thrown you out.

You go to social services for help and they say .... "You should have saved up and your DH should contribute".

A long time ago we decided we wanted the kind of society where when things went wrong you knew you'd get help.

BuggersMuddle · 08/10/2014 00:37

I think your problem should be with your DM, not your Dsis.

Okay so DM bought the baby stuff. Boyfriend / partner will contribute. She's just been given £500 that she didn't need to ask for and has complete control over, which is perhaps not the case in the DM / wealthy BF situation. I can kind of understand why you might say 'I've got everything so I'm going to buy one thing for myself before baby'.

I'm not saying it's right - not at all - but it sounds like the people closest to her are enabling her and that's not a welfare state issue.

VermillionPorcupine · 08/10/2014 00:46

She's single, pregnant, has no home of her own and is living on £60 a week.

Save your envy for someone with something to be envious of for goodness sake. I can't imagine feeling anything but pity for the poor cow tbh. I don't think I could bring myself to be worked up about her free £500 even if it did go on an I phone.

DiaDuit · 08/10/2014 01:00

Vouchers?

Why the hell should mothercare benefit from £500 of money intended to help with the cost of a new baby when £500 cash enables people to buy second hand things at a fraction of the price and possibly even hold some back for other expenses that might crop up later? Why should the Govt get to dictate where people kit their babies out and restrict how far they can make that money stretch?

roughtyping · 08/10/2014 07:49

I agree that the responsibility lies on the public. I got this grant and it was definitely needed for baby purchases. Your sister is selfish.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 08/10/2014 08:17

Why exactly is she selfish. She already has her baby stuff so she used her money to buy something she wanted.

From the sounds of it the mother is perfectly happy to by her grand child's stuff.

Charitybelle · 08/10/2014 08:23

Agree completely with vermillion porcupine.
I can see where you're coming from op, but I honestly couldn't bring myself to feel in any way envious of your sisters situation. Having a baby is seriously tough, and I say that having done it with a loving DH, in an emotionally and financially secure relationship. Your sis is going to struggle and no iphone6 or other material comforts are going to change that fact. Be happy for her that your DM is there to support her when the baby comes, she's going to need it.

niceguy2 · 08/10/2014 08:31

The problem is that nowadays we have a whole generation of people who want the benefits without the responsibility.

It's just free cash innit. Then they moan like fuck when the govt have to tighten the rules to stop people from abusing the system in a way it was never designed to do.

In fairness OP's mum has contributed to the situtation. At 29, mum should not have rushed out and bought all the baby stuff. Yes it's exciting but she's taught her daughter nothing.

Only1scoop · 08/10/2014 08:38

What is your mums opinion of this.

I personally think its bloody awful having never been able to claim a penny it's shocking to know what it can be spent on.

RubyGoat · 08/10/2014 08:40

Mothercare charge a lot more than many shops. Anyone in need of a voucher, would probably not choose to shop there if they also had access to alternative shops or ebay. YABU.

doziedoozie · 08/10/2014 08:53

Sounds like your DM is happy to have a dependent daughter and new DGC and is encouraging this situation for her own happiness. Nothing you can do really.

Better your Dsis learns to stand on her own two feet and can pass this on to the DGC but it's not going to happen.

fluffyraggies · 08/10/2014 08:55

There will always be people who are receiving benefits who don't strictly need them at that time. Even when they've been honest about their circs. Strictly speaking she has no home of her own and is not with the babies father. How on earth can the government police other family members financial input?

What is she going to declare when it comes to the babies fathers financial input? Will she be honest? This is a different matter though.

With benefits the needs of the majority are more important than the few who will inevitably receive money they don't need.

There are many other areas where money could be saved - means tested winter fuel allowance for one, but no one wants to loose the grey vote.

AnnaFiveTowns · 08/10/2014 09:59

Nothing to do with benefits. All about your mum wanting to help out your sister. And, honestly, if she wants to buy your sister an iPhone, so what? It's irrelevant which bit of money goes on which item. And if she's had an iPhone on contract then it won't have cost 600 quid even though it's a 600 quid phone.
Sorry, but you're benefits bashing...