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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

do you let a child choose if they want to go to a birthday party or not?

80 replies

Whatalife58 · 06/10/2014 19:34

My child is celebrating his birthday soon I got a text from a close friend saying her child would not be going because he thought the party would be too babyish for him. He is 2 and a half year older than my son. I am interested in what people think about this.

OP posts:

ChocolateTeacup · 06/10/2014 19:36

How old is your son? and the other child

WaroftheRoses · 06/10/2014 19:37

I let my kids choose if they want to go or not, but I would reply with a simple "Unfortunately DC can't come"! I think this reply you have received is down right rude and unnecessary!

however · 06/10/2014 19:38

Yes, I'd let them decide if they want to go.

No, I wouldn't give a reason beyond "sorry we can't be there, have fun".

1aubergine2triceratops · 06/10/2014 19:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrivateJourney · 06/10/2014 19:41

Yes, they choose but one they have chosen they don't get to change their mind. Absolutely no letting people down once they've accepted.

I think your friend did the right thing, at least she's given you a prompt reply. She could maybe have been more diplomatic but she's saying that her DS doesn't fancy a party where all the other children will be 2.5 years younger than him, which unless they're at least secondary age is a lot, so I don't blame him.

lollilou · 06/10/2014 19:41

When we receive an invite I will ask my dc's if they want to go. If it's a yes or a no that's what they have to stick to. I wouldn't reply like that either like WaroftheRoses says it's rude.

WhispersOfWickedness · 06/10/2014 19:42

I haven't so far as they are both still quite young, but I will when they are older. I wouldn't be so rude as to say that they didn't want to go though, I would just say that they couldn't go!

OldBeanbagz · 06/10/2014 19:42

Yes, i let my DC decide if they want to go to parties though I normally try to lie be diplomatic when it comes to giving a reason why they can't attend. I think your friend was a little rude.

LemonadeRayGun · 06/10/2014 19:43

I think her response was rude and it would have annoyed me a lot. I don't think there is anything necessarily wrong with letting a child decide if they want to go to a party, but a simple "sorry we can't make it" is fine in that instance. FWIW when my children have parties there tends to be a huge range of ages present as I generally invite siblings of friends as well, I just try and make sure there are appropriate activities. DD is 4 in a few months and there will be kids from 2 - 11 there, I think I will have a bouncy castle, some crafts and maybe a Loom Band table...

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 06/10/2014 19:45

I do let my children choose whether the want to go to a part or not, no point in taking them if the will just sit there and sulk the whole time and spoil the day for everyone else. (Though my children never want to turn down an invite - even when we can't go for legitimate reasons - such as illness or being 300 miles away!)
If my child didn't want to attend I would say "Sorry we can't make it that day, but we hope insert childs name has a lovely day."
That text is rude, and there is no need for it.

Aeroflotgirl · 06/10/2014 19:45

Her response was extremely rude. She should have just said that they were unable to make it

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 06/10/2014 19:46

Please excuse my highlight error there.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 06/10/2014 19:46

I wouldn't invite a child 2.5 years older than my DD to her party unless the child expressed a desire to go.

Bowlersarm · 06/10/2014 19:47

Yes. Ds2 from a very young age was very very cross when I replied on his behalf that he would love to go (the date was free in the family calendar) to x's party. He said he didn't want to go, and why did I say he did?

I always asked him after he was 4.

feckitall · 06/10/2014 19:51

I would be very at being told it was too babyish, plain rude a simple sorry we can't make it would have sufficed..but then DS2 aged 5 invited 4 10-12 year olds to his party..they all turned up and the memory of them all sat at my kitchen table playing with playdough will stay with me forever. They were thoroughly charming and DS2 was thrilled.

3bunnies · 06/10/2014 19:54

I wouldn't give a detailed reason but it is probably a fair point. My older dc sat like a couple of wet blankets at ds's birthday party recently (same gap between him and one of them).

Original poster

Whatalife58 · 06/10/2014 19:58

My son will be 5 hers is 8. I invited him because we are close friends and his sibling is my son's age.

OP posts:

BarbarianMum · 06/10/2014 20:04

How rude!

I've always asked my children (well since age 4 or so) and they always want to go. They do know they are not allowed to change their minds, should a 'better' offer come along.

But we've quite often had slightly older/younger cousins present and they've always really enjoyed themselves. Don't think our family are that fussed - a party is a party.

Picturesinthefirelight · 06/10/2014 20:07

I would have thought most 8 year olds would find a 5 year olds party babyish.

Perhaps they could have been slightly more tactful (I'd have probably said he thinks itight be a bit young for him rather than the word babyish) but I dont think its rude, just truthful.

CMOTDibbler · 06/10/2014 20:11

I do let him decide, but with some questioning to see why. But I reply as 'sorry ds can't come as we are busy, hope x has a lovely time' whatever the reason.

I can see an 8 year old would find a 5 year olds party babyish though. Its not enough age difference for it to be fun/ironic to play with little ones things, but too much to age down and throw yourself into it

Viviennemary · 06/10/2014 20:12

It was a bit tactless of the person writing this. But I agree that not many eight year olds would be too keen on a party where there were only going to be five year olds. But if there was no good reason I would put a bit of pressure on saying they should go.

3bunnies · 06/10/2014 20:13

That is a similar age gap between ds and dd2 and this year is the first time that I have really noticed the difference but she is adamant that for her 8th she wants no party games. If he is already 8 then is the difference more like 3.5 yrs? Big enough to be bored but not quite old enough to really want to help. Better to know now than have him sitting there on his tablet playing games all party.

Snapespotions · 06/10/2014 20:15

Unnecessary to give a reason like that, but yes, I would let dd choose whether or not she wanted to go.

beachyhead · 06/10/2014 20:16

That's makes a bit more sense. You invite two siblings, she accepts for the one who is 5 and says the 8 year old won't come as it might be a bit babyish for him.... That looks more acceptable to me

Summerisle1 · 06/10/2014 20:16

I always let my dcs choose whether or not they wanted to go to a party but if not, a polite reply apologising that they'd not be attending was all that was needed.

What is it with some people and too much detail?

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