You would know if you were pregnant SURELY?

[Gwladgwlad]

Heard one of those stories today- friend of a friend out on a friday night as normal, next day gets tummy pains & has a baby! No bump, no symptoms, out of the blue!?
SURELY you would suspect? Both my dc's were lively in my tummy, my belly moved a lot and I felt them constantly. Its not like having bad wind or something.
SURELY you would know!? Suspect things werent as per normal!
Aibu - it just leaves me amazed!!

sleepy I was the size of a house with my first 3 pregnancies. But with my 4th - I honestly don't know how I hid it. I couldn't make myself not hace an obvious bump but part of me wonders how much can be mind over matter. I know that doesn't make sense and I had no control over symptoms etc. I find it fascinating (not the the right word) because I still struggle with the fact I denied/concealed it. I don't know what I will tell dc4 yet but maybe in years to come he will vehemently tell people his mum had no idea she was pregnant till labour.

I think if you continue to wear tighter clothes that keeps the bump small as well. And you continue to wear tighter clothes because you don't think you need maternity clothes because you are not pregnant . . .

I met someone once (and her Mum) and they were telling me that she [the DD] hadn't found out she was pregnant until 6 months pg. Not that she was in denial . . . far from it !! - she had no periods and kept going to the Doctors convinced she could be pg ,and they did tests which were all negative and the GP kept saying "Well no, you are not pregnant." She was not a petite girl but not massive either and was continuing to wear skin-tight jeans. Can't remember the next bit exactly but they went to another Dr who did a different test or examination and said that yes, she WAS pregnant. The Doctor then told her to stop wearing her tight jeans IMMEDIATELY. She did what she was told and almost straight away had a big bump - the jeans had been holding it in.

I don't like that some pp's have assumed that just because their experience have dictated that they felt that foetus/had other symptoms/showed outward signs, that others cannot have had a different experience. That conscious or unconscious denial is the only explanation. Pregnancy, like pain, like multiple other in-body events, really is an individual experience. Your experience is not all of womendom's experience.

Some women don't get a bump at all, I don't know how that even happens... Where is the baby? Where does it go? It really confuses me.

I knew a woman that this happened to. She didn't find out until 8 and a half months, only had two weeks to get her head around the fact she was going to have a baby and buy everything before he was born. She had NO bump. Nothing. Her stomach remained flat as a pancake. The baby weighed 8 lbs as well. How does an EIGHT POUND BABY sit in there and not cause a bump?!!! I just don't get it.

Anyway the way it happened, she was on the pill and still continued to have 'periods' every month, bled every month as normal so never had reason to suspect a thing.

Some people do continue to bleed every month, especially those on the pill. Also for larger women the baby hides behind the fat that's already there. Some women don't have periods or very irregular periods, maybe believe they're infertile as well so just don't suspect that at all. So I can see how it happens... Still crazy though.

I am not sure I buy it, well, can't wrap my head around it and often think it is just denial.

I had an anterior placenta with one of mine but towards the end I still could still see my whole stomach move. Mine all kept me awake with moving.

How can anyone not feel those feet in ribs? elbows sticking out etc?

I have never known anyone who just feels a 9 month old baby movements like just gas. That is around 7 pounds of baby roughly, moving inside you with very little room.

I think not knowing until 4-7 months is very different to not feeling a 8-9 month baby move inside you.

I get not getting a bump.

I just don't get not seeing your whole stomach move or feel those feet sticking in your ribs at the end of pregnancy.

My friend found out at 6 months, she thought she had some sort of food intolerance causing bloating.

I've had two kids and will occasionally get gas/abdominal whatevers now that feel v similar to baby movement in pregnancy. Obviously when I was pregnant I knew it was a baby and was expecting it, but I can see how if you were assuming you weren't pregnant (due to bleeds, negative tests, doctors telling you weren't, etc.) you could just write off at least some movement as "bloating" or similar, at least in the second trimester. A lot of people depending on baby/placenta size and position never get the crazy whole stomach rolling thing (mine on the other hand used to distract people at work meetings...).

Anterior placenta with both of mine, and I never got the crazy whole stomach rolling thing.

Also, not everyone gets all the way to 40 weeks, or they have small babies, so not everyone gets around seven pounds of baby jostling for room.

DS1, for example, was born at 34 weeks and 4lb 6oz, and I don't think I would have noticed many of his movements at all if I hadn't known I was pregnant and watching out for baby movements. Similar with DS2.

I find it really off, that people presume to judge another woman's experience of pregnancy in the way this thread does in places.

On MN the "We believe you" campaign was about respecting and believing women who experience sexual assaults - not picking through their stories and saying that because I would not do X or Y or react in a certain way, then a woman with a different experience must be lying.

I think we should accord the same attitude to women and their pregnancies. Just because their experiences are different from the norm, does not mean they are lying. If a woman says "I did not know", then why not believe her? Why the need to try and debunk her story?

Some of the later posts are a bit strange. No one is suggesting every woman's pregnancy is the same as theirs. They're saying the series of co-incidences are too high for them to believe this genuinely, medically happens often (as in, as frequently as this thread suggests) but they do believe, as shown over and over, particularly with very young mothers, that denial is an amazingly strong state and can cause your body to act in quite amazing ways.

To suggest this is the subject of "we believe you" is also strange. The premise of that is we believe women who say they've been sexually assaulted because society disbelieves them so much.
This case is completely different. To have a blanket we believe anything a woman says is ridiculous as it assumes women never lie or mislead, which we know to be untrue. Whether that is due to some deep physcological reason whereby the woman herself genuinely believes she's telling the truth or the more usual bare faced lie . It happens.

Personally, I have no problem
Believing this is possible and happens to the odd woman rarely. I don't believe it happens frequently enough for half the posters on this thread to know someone who it's happened to.

I had a colleague who was always tired. Tall and thin, Eventually I nagged her into going to the doctors - and she was well on the way with twins.

To be fair the twins were TEENY when born, and in the final stages of her pregnancy she did acquire a (small) bump, but to me who knew at six weeks I was up the duff, and then expanded to the size of a house, this was just amazing to witness.

I wish I had one of those pregnancies where you wake up one morning and have a baby. I was the size of a mountain and hated being pregnant.

I agree serenity though as I said upthread it is more common in older women than we realise - I am not saying the posters here who hace told of their personal experience were in denial. I am sure it can happen. I also know how easy it is to convince people you didn't know you were pregnant.
loubelles yes that was me. How lovely thst you have thought about me. Ds is 4 months tomorrow and he is fab :) the other 3 dc adore him and everything that happened seems a life time ago. Still don't have our own home yet but we are working on it. Thankyou so much

I get HG in pregnancy so I know from very early one.

My sister on the other hand just looks like she ate a large meal when full term, she has periods during her pregnancies and as she has IBS many of the symptoms could be connected. She didn't know until 5 months with DN.

Wasn't there a poster, not Stranded, someone who posted asking for advice on what their weird symptoms could be, and it turned out they were either very pregnant or actually going into labour?

Don't know if it turned out to be untrue but I'm sure I remember the thread.

Wasn't there also a thread about a woman who was convinced she was pregnant and the OP was worried what would happen as the due date approached?
I think denial is a very powerful thing and I'd love to look into it further.
I also think sometimes people can genuinely not know.

"They're saying the series of co-incidences are too high for them to believe this genuinely, medically happens often "

No, they aren't. Several posters have said that they flat-out don't believe that it's possible at all.

I don't know anyone in RL this has happened to. But I know two women who didn't suspect that they were pregnant until they were six months, two who had no identifiable bump and one who didn't feel any significant movement. Extrapolating from that I think genuine cases must happen - not very frequently, but probably there are a few cases each year given how many babies are being born.

DD2 has a genetic condition that only arises spontaneously (i.e. not inherited from either parent) in one in 400,000 births. It wasn't at all likely she'd have it. In the year she was born there would statistically probably only be her and maybe one other child born in England and Wales who had this genetic condition but no family history of it. And yet here she is.

Weird shit does happen. Babies get unlikely genetic mutations. Women get unlikely combinations of absence of pregnancy symptoms.

The most obvious explanation of an "I didn't know I was pregnant" story is that the woman was just in denial. But then the most obvious explanation of DD2's condition is that DH isn't her father. "Most obvious" explanations aren't always true. And it's incredibly offensive to insinuate that they are just because that's what seems most likely to you.

If a woman was in denial about pregnancy and you just nod and accept her story that she genuinely didn't know, what harm is done? If she genuinely didn't know and you start in with chinny reckon comments to her face and gossiping behind her back then a lot of harm is done.

I've been wondering about you too, BrightSunshineyDay, and it's been lovely to see you on this thread and hear your update about you and the DCs.

If a woman was in denial about pregnancy and you just nod and accept her story that she genuinely didn't know, what harm is done? If she genuinely didn't know and you start in with chinny reckon comments to her face and gossiping behind her back then a lot of harm is done.

^^ this is exactly what I tried (and failed) to say.

I played tennis with a friend on a Thursday. She was in close fitting exercise gear, a slim size 8. She was married and thinking about coming off the pill to try for a baby. That weekend she gave birth to a 7lb baby. She was in a total state of shock. Took her months to even accept it. She has 3 DC now and has never looked pregnant. I would never be as rude as to call her a liar or arrogant enough to suggest my experience of pregnancy doesn't tally with her story and to therefore dismiss her experience.

My mum genuinely didn't know until six weeks before I was born. She was 46: she went to the doctor and said her periods had stopped and he told her I was the menopause! She had no sickness, her bump was apparently absolutely tiny and she'd always had digestive issues so she put all her symptoms down to nmenopause and/or wind. At 7 1/2 months she finally thought 'Actually my tummy is quite swollen...' and went back to the doctor, who took one look at her and uttered the immortal words 'I think it's a babby!' My dad didn't have a clue either. They'd tried for fourteen years and had long since given up.