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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just give up on my baby sleeping in the day?

94 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 05/10/2014 13:29

I'm seriously at the end of my tether with listening to my 6 month old shattered baby just grizzle, moan and cry but refuse to go to sleep.

As soon as I see his cues for being tired I start the process of trying to get him to nap but it's so pointless

Sometimes I purposefully breast feed him as it's the most likely to make him sleep but when he falls asleep as he feeds he wakes up 20 minutes later.

I try putting him in his cot when he's sleepy and he just cries and cries.

I try rocking him to sleep but he just squirms around in my arms and it gives me backache. It doesn't work anyway.

I go into a darkened room and rock him in his car seat - it just irritates him.

I take him for walks and I usually have to walk around for at least an hour before he drops off and then he wakes up again as soon as I get back home.

I will admit that I have gone on drives for the sole purpose to get him to sleep - I dread to think how much petrol I get through just going nowhere.

I'm just tired of it and the issue is seriously stressing me out.

So far he's been awake 4.5 hours and only 'napped' for 15 minutes. His record is about two hours of broken sleep in a 14 hour period.

He's so tired, his constant grizzling is going right through me and I just don't know what to do anymore.

AIBU to just think fu*k it and if he won't go to sleep then I'm not going to try and force it because it's making things seem so much worse.

Does anyone else have a sleep refusing baby and just accept it?

OP posts:
FishWithABicycle · 05/10/2014 21:25

We had exactly this. Would do ultra-long walks every day. When sleep achieved walking had to continue for at least an hour to keep sleep going.

Eventually solved it but not till a few months later. A combination of getting the routine of a nap embedded using said walk, the additional months giving him a bit more understanding , and use of the 'babywhisperer' technique eventually established great afternoon naps but it took months to get there. This is just a phase and all will be well eventually.

TarkaTheOtter · 05/10/2014 21:25

Honestly this is so common. Do an advanced search, I'll bet there are hundreds of threads about cat napping babies. It's nothing you are doing wrong or not doing, it's the type of baby you have.

With both of mine their naps lengthened dramatically when they started crawling. Dd was 10.5months and ds 8months.

Dd was my first and I was worried about "bad sleep habits". I spent ages trying to get her to self-settle and nap on her own in a cot. It was such a waste of time. Ds was my second so I didn't gave the time to do it. He got fed to sleep or rocked back and forth in his pushchair. Now he's crawling I am able to our him in pushchair, rock back and forth a few times and then he "self-settles" himself to sleep for a couple of hours.

I personally think the causality is sometimes misinterpreted about self-settling. I think babies are more likely to self-settle when/if they are good sleepers not that self-settling is necessarily the key to better sleep.

burgatroyd · 05/10/2014 21:28

What's wrong with feeding to sleep or if you're tired co sleeping?

I did. Dc1 now nearly five sleeps 7-7, in own bed, by herself.

Its such a short time. Just go with it.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 05/10/2014 21:30

I think my husband wants his side of the bed back - I've let DS co-sleep with me so much over the last 1-2 months that DH is now in the spare room. I can't remember the last time we spent a night in the same bed.

OP posts:
OwlinaTree · 05/10/2014 21:31

I think it's true that they won't need to feed to sleep/be rocked etc for ever. If you are happy to feed to sleep etc there's nothing wrong with that choice. Everyone learns to self settle in the end!

I just couldn't do it any more, I wanted dh to be able to put him to bed etc.

littledrummergirl · 05/10/2014 21:36

I dont remember much as my dc are now much older but I did keep the house at normal volume in the day and quiet at night.

Ds1 loved the door bouncer and would fall asleep in that. It detached easily to lay him flat when he had dropped off.

I got a wind up swing for ds2 and it saved my sanity.

Only1scoop · 05/10/2014 21:37

Dd had two established naps at that age and I don't know how I'd have got anything done if she didn't.... I was a bit of a routine freak though and never co slept....you must be bloody exhausted....

flingingmelon · 05/10/2014 21:38

Sympathy here too OP. DS slept thirty mins max during the day right up until he started cruising at eleven months. Now he'll do up to ninety minutes! Had a friend in the same boat and we saved each other's sanity.

Babies do what they want I think Confused

amouseinawindmill · 05/10/2014 21:41

Another voice here, echoing others to say that my DS would only nap on the boob or in the car, or in a moving pushchair. The despair I felt at times was overwhelming, and it did feel like everyone except me had the napping thing sorted.
Anyway, after a while, one by one, quite a few of my friends confessed that their children had been nightmare sleepers too, but this was only revealed a couple of years down the line: people do seem to tell fibs about their baby's sleep as if it is a reflection of their parenting abilities.

Fast forward and DS is now five and sleeps fine. Still seems to need less sleep overall than others his age but he can go to sleep in his own bed and stay there at night time. This just happened naturally, no special training or techniques, other than amending or own expectations.

Meanwhile DH and I share a cold shudder at the memory of those perma-awake baby days!

For bed sharing, in the end we just bought a much bigger bed. Meant we could all fit in at once (if you do it safely).

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 05/10/2014 21:42

I'm not exhausted as such scoop - but I find it draining having no respite during the day (for want of a better word). I'd love just an hour to myself whilst DS slept so I could just enjoy the silence and read a book or something. I just find it draining having no time just for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 05/10/2014 21:42

I'm not exhausted as such scoop - but I find it draining having no respite during the day (for want of a better word). I'd love just an hour to myself whilst DS slept so I could just enjoy the silence and read a book or something. I just find it draining having no time just for me.

OP posts:
AmberLav · 05/10/2014 21:43

My sympathises, it really does suck when you are going through it...

Sadly it is sometimes about waiting for either when baby needs less sleep, or for the point where they work it out themselves.

On the feeding to sleep thing, as long as that is not your only sleep trick, you'll probably find you've not made a rod for your own back, hopefully!

lucy101 · 05/10/2014 21:44

My second baby (6 months) is a cat napper... but I don't mind as she is happy during the day and interested in everything and it means she easily fits into my 3 year olds routine. I expect when she starts crawling she will start going down in the day.

Perhaps you could forget about trying to fix naps in the day and maybe get her going down at night better? Then you might feel more rested generally.

I posted on this thread about it which might be helpful:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/sleep/2199993-Should-I-start-controlled-crying-Please-help?

AmberLav · 05/10/2014 21:46

Writer I remember loving my 10 minute train journey to work once I went back to work, as that was my first me time for months!

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 05/10/2014 21:50

Sounds heavenly amber Smile

When it's the weekend it's not so bad as DH comes to the rescue and takes DS out (like he did today) but on Mon-Fri when I'm on my own I feel so disheartened by it. I probably sound quite awful for saying I want DS to nap for my sake as well as his but sometimes I just need absolute peace and quiet and to not feel responsible for someone else 24/7.

OP posts:
Iwillorderthefood · 05/10/2014 21:52

I am on my third and have never managed a napping baby in a cot, during the day!

Always in the pram, or fed to sleep or held and dropped off.

My middle child was terrible but it turned out she had horrible ear pain from glue ear. She did not sleep full stop.

Hope it all works out.

PenguinsIsSleepDeprived · 05/10/2014 21:55

I don't think you need the book to try PUPD Writer (and it's in Solves your Problems, not the main book if you do). You can Google it. And it is basically just 'Pick up until they stop crying, straight away put down again'. It never worked for mine because they didn't stop crying when you picked them up! Grin

DD1 did 3x30 min naps until she got crawling. It's just how some babies are. Thinking about it, DS is quite similar. But he's no. 3, I don't have hours and hours to fight battles. He normally catches a nap on the school run and then sometimes I try and put him down, sometimes it's other ends up school run, etc.

It is hard. DD1 cracked naps just as I went back to work Hmm. Will he sleep longer than 30 minutes if you feed him to sleep and stay with him? One option would be to try and build a habit o longer naps however you can and then take it from there. At 6 months, DD2 took about a 1.5 hour nap every day. DD1 went down for a nap, I fed DD2 to sleep and took a nap myself. About 45-60 minutes in I would creep off and see how long I got out of her.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 05/10/2014 21:56

He fell asleep standing up in his baby walker once when he was being 'looked after' by my FIL. But that's a whole other thread Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 05/10/2014 21:56

He fell asleep standing up in his baby walker once when he was being 'looked after' by my FIL. But that's a whole other thread Smile

OP posts:
PenguinsIsSleepDeprived · 05/10/2014 21:57

The 'time to yourself in the day'. Sadly, it often doesn't happen. Unless you want to go the super strict GF type route to achieve it. Older babies/toddlers often do though. Then they drop their nap and you never get a minute again. Grin

HRMumness · 05/10/2014 22:00

Oh god, the cat napping baby. My DD1 was one of those. She slept well at night from very early on but her day time napping was terrible. When she stopped sleeping well at night at about 4-5 months and wasn't sleeping well during the day as well, I started losing the plot, you have my sympathies OP.

I remember having a really strict routine with her which involved doing certain activities in the same order before we went up to her room, gave her a feed and if she wasn't asleep after that, rocking, singing and a dummy to help her settle to sleep. It took us awhile but eventually she started to take longer naps, they got longer still when she dropped to 2 naps (1.5 hours each) and even now, at over 2 years, she still takes a good 1.5 - 2 hour afternoon nap and she normally is asleep within 5 minutes of me leaving her room (Nappy change, read a few stories, shut curtains, put lullabies on). The only downside is she won't sleep very long in her pram (45 minutes tops) and it's much easier if are home for them so there is hope yet!

Scotinoz · 05/10/2014 22:03

I had a real cat napper who slept terribly at night too. Rocked her to sleep, fed her to sleep, drive around etc. When she was eight months I admitted defeat and saw a sleep consultant (quite the done thing where I am in Oz). Anyway, she transformed my kid into a 90 minute nap twice a day, and 11-12 hours at night sleeper Shock.

Her tips were have the room pitch black, stick tin foil on the windows. It'll look like a crack house but it makes it dark.

At 6 months babies should apparently only be up for 1.5 - 2 hours at a time. Put them down for naps at regular intervals.

Establish a bed time routine and stick to it for every sleep.

She also said you have to let them grizzle a bit, it's often they're way of falling asleep. Let them grizzle for a few minutes, then go in and try to settle them (and repeat x a lot).

Dedicate a couple of weeks to doing nothing but sticking around the house and trying to get your kid to sleep.

Look, some of it is controversial and a lot of hard work but it worked for us.

Totally have my sympathy though. Cat nappers are blooming hard work!

Allegorical · 05/10/2014 22:06

Much sympathies op. My ds is a bit like this. My answer to it was just get out of the house all the time. I take him to every baby group going and a big long walk most days. I usually rellie on him sleeping in the car on the way to whatever we are doing or in the pram on a walk. It has helped me lose the baby weight anyhow. Mil disapproved of him not sleeping in a cot in the day!!! Friend with sleepy babies didn't seem to understand . He was at his worst at about 6 months. I found the mornings hardest. I just had to get out of the house as quickly as possible as he screamed the place down every day as I tried to get us ready to go out I was often on he verge of tears before we got out. He did improve at about 8 months and I got the occaisional nap out of him in the cot. I also found putting him in a bouncer in front of in the night garden or wayboloo a big help - the baby bjorn is awsome and he still sits in it most days now at 11 months - sometimes he would nod off in that.

Allegorical · 05/10/2014 22:10

Ooh and I tried to follow eat activity sleep. Found that helpful. We. Dis eventually fall into a routine of a morning nap and afternoon one. Never more than an hour but did get there in the end (all falling apart at 11 months mind)!!

monkeymamma · 06/10/2014 08:18

Ooohhhhhh my god. My ds was just like this. I felt like I spent all day trying to get him to sleep and he just wouldn't. Then when he turned 1 it all changed. We did some gentle night time sleep training (stopped feeding to sleep and 'disappearing chair' - it worked but I don't think it would have when he was younger, he needed to be ready) and he'd started nursery two days a week so had more of a routine there - whichever made the difference (possibly just his age) it was amazing. He started sleeping 12-2 every day and I got my sanity back. He also started sleeping through the night after a two hourly breastfeeding regime pre-twelve months which was fantastic. I'm not saying this to make you feel shit about current circumstances but to show that a terrible sleeper can become a really good one (and you will just about survive till your dd makes that change).
I don't know if it's worth mentioning also but my ds had a cmp intolerance which didn't get properly diagnosed till he was 7-8 months old and it may be also that he was much more settled in his tummy by 12m. It doesn't sound like your dd has this problem, but so so much changes when their little systems develop more and they get a little older. It's tough, but hang on in there - it gets much much easier!