To just give up on my baby sleeping in the day?

[Writerwannabe83]

I'm seriously at the end of my tether with listening to my 6 month old shattered baby just grizzle, moan and cry but refuse to go to sleep.

As soon as I see his cues for being tired I start the process of trying to get him to nap but it's so pointless

Sometimes I purposefully breast feed him as it's the most likely to make him sleep but when he falls asleep as he feeds he wakes up 20 minutes later.

I try putting him in his cot when he's sleepy and he just cries and cries.

I try rocking him to sleep but he just squirms around in my arms and it gives me backache. It doesn't work anyway.

I go into a darkened room and rock him in his car seat - it just irritates him.

I take him for walks and I usually have to walk around for at least an hour before he drops off and then he wakes up again as soon as I get back home.

I will admit that I have gone on drives for the sole purpose to get him to sleep - I dread to think how much petrol I get through just going nowhere.

I'm just tired of it and the issue is seriously stressing me out.

So far he's been awake 4.5 hours and only 'napped' for 15 minutes. His record is about two hours of broken sleep in a 14 hour period.

He's so tired, his constant grizzling is going right through me and I just don't know what to do anymore.

AIBU to just think fu*k it and if he won't go to sleep then I'm not going to try and force it because it's making things seem so much worse.

Does anyone else have a sleep refusing baby and just accept it?

Glad to hear he's finally nodded off .

If it makes you feel any better (and it probably won't) your baby's nighttime sleep is a million times better than my baby's. I've been up 3-4 times in the night with mine for 2+ months now and I'm knackered. Why can't they just do what they're supposed to when they're supposed to?

OP, you're doing brilliantly! The fact that you're getting yourself so wound up over this, in itself shows you're a wonderful mum who is determined to get things right for her son.

I don't think you've mentioned timing? At 6 months of age, babies are generally sleeping more "by the clock" ie getting tired at regular, predictable times of day. As a rule of thumb, you should be trying for the first nap around two hours after baby has woken for the day - so in your case, 8-9am. They are generally ready for the next nap around three hours after they wake from the first, so often around 1-2pm. Depending on the length of those two naps and how much sleep the baby needs overall (and of course they're all different), he may want another short snooze at around 5pm or so.

This is all from the Dr Marc Weissbluth book, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, which is the only book I've ever found remotely useful regarding baby sleep.

Whether or not this helps - relax, be kind to yourself, he'll get there. Possibly in his own sweet time, but he will!

Ps I will be VERY surprised if every single person you know has babies who settle themselves perfectly every single time. This is one thing that people seriously do lie about!

Thanks everyone - I feel so reassured that it's actually quite a common problem, it makes me feel less isolated. When people ask me about his daytime sleep I'm honest about how or it is but I just laugh it off and pretend it doesn't bother me when really I could cry. I know I shouldn't be but I am envious of women with great napping babies.

My DS is amazing though so I guess I just need to work through it somehow and wait for things to improve.

Just heard my DH come back - I'm praying DS is still asleep....

So true, Punt.

Don't know if this is any help. Ds would sleep anywhere, but dd was a totally different ball game. She would not sleep in the day. Sometimes, occasionally if the moon was in the right quarter, she might deign to nod off, but not on the whole. By the time she was about 15 months old, she was better, but then she dropped all her naps at 20 months old.

She, would however, often sleep for about 15 hours at night . I used to think she wasn't alive anymore! Now at 8 she isa real night owl. Can't get to sleep before 9, despite everything we've tried, and has been like that for years. She does however sleep in whenever she give the chance.

Don't listen to all the other RL mums, a lot of the time mums exaggerate or forget stuff.

My ds1 used to have short naps until he got about 12 months and then started having a long afternoon nap.

I would just give up if I was you and save you sanity. Just follow what baby does. I remember crying with frustration because I had spent an hour getting him to sleep for 20 mins.

Give yourself a break!

punta - that's interesting. My DD is usually up at around 6, half 6, then wants a cat nap at 8 ish. I always thought it was odd, having just slept well at night that she needed a nap so soon after waking in the morning.

She'll have another 20 min nap at about 11 and after that it's anybody's guess whats going to happen till 6ish when she's really knackered! Sometimes there's a little snooze at 3ish - but not today, she's up there grizzling now. Going to get her ...

Fluffy I know, it's weird when they've just (hopefully) had a good long night's sleep! But that's how it seems to work, according to the good doctor, and it has been true for both my children.

Don't believe everyone has a baby who naps for hours at a time.

Mine was another who had 4x 30 min naps a day until he was about 9-10 months old when he could go for 45 mins at a time. Eventually by 1 he was having 2 2hr naps so he could do it, it just took time. He was also a rubbish night sleeper and would be awake for 2 hours in the middle of the night on and off and wake 2 to 3 times screaming.

Looking back the advice I would give is to just do whatever it is he needs to fall asleep. Boob, bottle, drive in the car etc it doesn't really matter and won't matter in a couple of years time I promise. I used to do endless drives around town until mine fell asleep but he stopped napping at 3 so it's all a distant memory now he's nearly 5. And try really hard not to get wound up because as you said, they pick up on your stress. I know it's really hard when you're knackered and they're knackered but it will get better and you're doing a great job.

The next time someone asks - tell the truth, and be amazed by how many other parents chime in with their tales of terrible nappers, early-wakers and extreme night feeders.

I tried the Baby Whisperer book when I was in your situation. It really helped with naptimes, though the first couple of weeks were brutal. Good luck.

Ds was a 2 naps of 20 minutes child at that age. When combined with reflux and night waking I came v close to losing the plot totally.
As pps have said it all changed when he got moving. Suddenly he had one glorious 2 hour nap every day and slept 7-7 :) :)
The real treat is that he still has an hour's nap 2 or 3 times a week at 3.5

How long did he sleep for?

There have been days when quite a bit of them were spent in the car. When they woke I started driving again. Lots of drive through coffee's and lots of books read.

Yes it's crap on the environment and uses petrol, but sometimes needs must. It's cheaper than therapy

I was also incredibly fit at one point as one of them would only sleep in the buggy in the day and only if it was moving. I'd walk miles to a cafe, order coffee - keep the buggy moving with my foot, then when they woke I'd walk home again. Bit crap because you don't get anything done, but fabulous legs .... I probably need another non sleeper

Your post made me laugh chipping - it sounds just like my life!!

He slept for just over an hour so not brilliant but better than nothing. He didn't sleep again until midway through his bedtime feed about 20 minutes ago. He's fast asleep on my shoulder and I'm trying to find the courage to transfer him to his cot without waking him...

Your post made me laugh chipping - it sounds just like my life!!

He slept for just over an hour so not brilliant but better than nothing. He didn't sleep again until midway through his bedtime feed about 20 minutes ago. He's fast asleep on my shoulder and I'm trying to find the courage to transfer him to his cot without waking him...

I'm in the same position as you OP, 5 month old sleeps pretty well at night but not a good napper. Glad I'm not the only one, was beginning to feel like I was being cruel not forcing a daytime nap! I use the boob to get her to sleep at night (again, glad to read many think this is ok!) During the day she's happy to doze off while feeding but screams if I try to put her in the cot. Sometimes I get stressed and sometimes I think "oh well, I'll just need to sit on the sofa cradling my lovely baby while I catch up on Downton"! The other plus is that we're not chained to a napping routine so can meet others for coffee & cake anytime :)

Have you tried the vibrating / rocking baby chairs?

Another daily driver here when Dd was little, going nowhere but deserted industrial estates mainly. Great fun.

Oh gosh, so much sympathy. My DD is 2 now but it doesn't seem long ago that I was going through EXACTLY the same thing and feeling so stressed out about it. I wrote so many threads on here begging for help! For the first 6 months she didn't nap for longer than 15mins (and she did that about 3 times a day) and spent most of her awake time screaming because she was so overtired. She was sleeping through the night from very early on, but only because she would eventually pass out from sheer exhaustion.

I wouldn't totally give up on him napping as he needs it. He wouldn't be so miserable if he didn't.

Anyway, obviously I'm not encouraging you to do this as I know many people wouldn't want to do this, but I'm just going to tell you what changed things for me. I stopped breastfeeding. Totally. I put her on the bottle (she had been taking a bottle in the evenings since 3 months old) and, I'm not exaggerating,, within 3 days she was having naps of 1 hour in the morning and 1.5-2 hours in the afternoon and we had a routine. She would still need help getting to sleep...I would have to rock her in her pram for about 10-15mins till she fell asleep, but once she was asleep she would stay asleep which she could never do when I was breastfeeding.

It might have just been a coincidence or maybe I just wasn't producing enough milk and didn't realise (although when expressing I could always fill a bottle so I never thought there was a problem), but both my DC have been happier babies on the bottle.

Hi, my son was a bad napper, he'd get totally over tired, then want to feed to sleep, waking up as soon as I tried to transfer him. It was awful.

I read the baby whisperer solves all your problems, and did the pick up put down method. As a pp said, the 2 hour after waking up nap seems to be the key.

The first 4 days were really hard, but after that he started getting it, and self settling more easily and sleeping for longer. Now he usually goes down for the first nap quite easily, but the length can vary anything between 1 and 2 hours.

After that it's a bit varied, because he's not as great at sleeping in the pushchair now (he's nearly 7 months). He will do it, but has to be pretty tired. He sleeps in the car, but if you only travel 15 mins he then wakes up and because he's then slept he won't go back down! So unless I want to stay in every day or only go out round naps we have to just wing it a bit. But if he gets that first nap he's usually OK with cat naps.

I would recommend reading about the pick up put down method for helping him to self settle, and trying to get him down for a nap around an hour and a half to 2 hours after waking in the morning.

Good luck, it is very hard when they are over tired. I'm sure you are doing a fab job.

My dd was similar. Had to be fed to sleep pushed in chair or driven around to go off. Or I had to lie beside her for hours trying to soothe her to sleep.

Nothing helpful to add but that ds is NOT like this at all and will self soothe in cot if he doesn't happen to fall asleep feeding.

I am not a different mum so just to let you know it is the baby not you! Lovely as I'm sure your baby is otherwise, as is dd.

My 5 month old is not a day time napper and at the moment also wakes every 3 hours at night. I don't have any advice just wanted to say you're def not alone! xx

Thank you everyone

He woke about 10 minutes after I put him in his cot so in took the easy route of putting him straight to the breast and then letting him fall back to sleep in my bed - he will spend the whole night in my bed now

I think I'm being more lenient than normal because he's not very well at the moment.

I'm going to order The Baby Whisperer tomorrow and hope it can help me.

Thank you everyone

He woke about 10 minutes after I put him in his cot so in took the easy route of putting him straight to the breast and then letting him fall back to sleep in my bed - he will spend the whole night in my bed now

I think I'm being more lenient than normal because he's not very well at the moment.

I'm going to order The Baby Whisperer tomorrow and hope it can help me.