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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have apologised?

84 replies

Knackeredmum13 · 04/10/2014 10:32

I was crossing a busy road with my baby in his buggy. Lots of other people were crossing too including two women who were sort of walking beside me. As we got to the other side one of the women walked right in front of the buggy leaving me nowhere to walk. There was no room for me to go around her so I ended up ramming her heels with the buggy.
It wasn't intentional but she had cut me off and the only avoidance tactic I had was to stop dead half on the road. Obviously I'm not doing that on a busy road!
The woman made a big show of stopping and adjusting her shoes etc. The woman she was with stepped aside and asked if I wanted to pass. I thanked her and walked on.
They looked at me as though expecting an apology for ramming the first woman's heels. Should I have? I didn't because it was entirely her own fault. There was no way she wasn't aware that I was there while crossing, she just ignorantly ploughed on as though the pavement was all hers. But maybe I should have just apologised for the sake of it?

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 04/10/2014 10:33

Yes that comes bloody sharp....maybe she had a lapse of concentration whilst chatting with her friend.

GilesGirl · 04/10/2014 10:33

She may not have known you were there. Lots of people are oblivious to anything but themselves.

So, yes, you should have apologized. And you should have stopped rather than ramming her. It would have taken less than a second to let her get ahead enough for you to not hit her.

In a way, you were as oblivious and self centred as she was.

ChippingInLatteLover · 04/10/2014 10:34

Nah, she did something daft, next time she'll be more careful... lucky she didn't fall onto DS!

Boysclothes · 04/10/2014 10:35

Yeah, if you hit someone with your pram you apologise, I think. It probably hurt. Of course it wasn't intentional and she should have better road sense but it's just basic courtesy to apologise when you hit someone with an object.

OwlCapone · 04/10/2014 10:36

I apologise in that kind of scenario almost as an automatic reaction. I also do it when I bump into someone in a busy shopping centre even if we were both at fault. It seems to be ingrained.

LadyLuck10 · 04/10/2014 10:36

Do you feel great now that you did hurt someone and walked away without apologizing. Yes you should have said sorry, if anything you still rammed into her.

YoYoYooooo · 04/10/2014 10:38

I would have apologised - I doubt she meant to do it. Confused

MidniteScribbler · 04/10/2014 10:38

I think both parties should apologise. One for getting in the way, the other for the ramming. There's no law that says only one person can apologise.

ILovePud · 04/10/2014 10:39

If you rammed her with your buggy you should have said a quick sorry, that would have been the polite thing to do. I think you're making a lot of assumptions that this was an intentional act on her part, some people are quite oblivious of their surroundings.

MrsBungle · 04/10/2014 10:40

I would apologise if I rammed someone's foot with my buggy whether it was my fault or not to be honest. It seems like an accident you should both have apologised for.

Original poster
Knackeredmum13 · 04/10/2014 10:43

She wasn't hurt it wasn't that hard. Rammed was maybe a misleading word to use. The back of her heels was clipped. I could see that she was going to just walk right in front of me so I was trying to avoid her by going sideways but as I did she continued to do the same but in front of me if that makes sense.

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 04/10/2014 10:45

How do you know she wasn't hurt?

WorraLiberty · 04/10/2014 10:46

This sort of thing is such a non event that I would have automatically apologised and moved on.

minkah · 04/10/2014 10:46

What would it have cost you to have smiled and bern generous about her mistake?

LadyFairfaxSake · 04/10/2014 10:46

You were maintaining your situational awareness, she wasn't so she's at fault. It's the same as the idiots who walk along a busy street & then stop dead, right in front of you, leaving you nowhere to go. Then they give you a dirty look!

IcaMorgan · 04/10/2014 10:47

I get this a lot in my wheelchair along with the people crossing the other way aiming at me so I end up sitting in the middle of the road until everyone else has gone. I have never apologised if I have hit someone that cut across me like that as it is their fault but if it is my fault I always apologise.

Only1scoop · 04/10/2014 10:47

So would I....I would apologise if I clipped someone with buggy....even if their fault for being in way etc.

Blimey no ones perfect everyone has a lapse of concentration now and then

OwlinaTree · 04/10/2014 10:48

I would probably just have said sorry automatically. Buggies are low down, not everybody sees them, especially if chatting etc.

Sabrinnnnnnnna · 04/10/2014 10:48

I would always apologise for ramming someone with the buggy tbh.

MagicMojito · 04/10/2014 10:49

I don't think you did anything wrong. All you did was carry on crossing the road. Even if she was oblivious and just in her own little world chatting away, thats still not your fault Confused

ThinkAboutItTomorrow · 04/10/2014 10:54

But aren't you sorry that you caused her pain?

There's something about your view that smacks of not wanting to take the blame. I hate the way insurers tell people not to apologise as it infers acceptance of fault. An apology is saying 'I'm sorry that you are in pain. And that I played a part in that, albeit accidentally'

Why wouldn't you say sorry. It's not as though it has to mean 'sorry, I messed up and can't control my pram'.

ThinkAboutItTomorrow · 04/10/2014 10:57

So yes YABU and acted rudely and unkindly.

I would be lying to say I haven't done the same. But afterward I always feel a bit ashamed of myself.

MagicMojito · 04/10/2014 10:57

I actually think SHE should have apologised to YOU. Regardless of whether it was intentional or not she put you and your son in a potensionally(sp?) dangerous situation on a busy road by not paying attention.

KoalaDownUnder · 04/10/2014 11:01

I agree with ThinkAboutItTomorrow, I'm afraid.

I don't understand this idea that saying sorry is some kind of admission of guilt.

ClapHandsIfYouBelieveInFatties · 04/10/2014 11:01

YANBU I used to have this happen and it's SO thoughtless!