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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not have apologised?

84 replies

Knackeredmum13 · 04/10/2014 10:32

I was crossing a busy road with my baby in his buggy. Lots of other people were crossing too including two women who were sort of walking beside me. As we got to the other side one of the women walked right in front of the buggy leaving me nowhere to walk. There was no room for me to go around her so I ended up ramming her heels with the buggy.
It wasn't intentional but she had cut me off and the only avoidance tactic I had was to stop dead half on the road. Obviously I'm not doing that on a busy road!
The woman made a big show of stopping and adjusting her shoes etc. The woman she was with stepped aside and asked if I wanted to pass. I thanked her and walked on.
They looked at me as though expecting an apology for ramming the first woman's heels. Should I have? I didn't because it was entirely her own fault. There was no way she wasn't aware that I was there while crossing, she just ignorantly ploughed on as though the pavement was all hers. But maybe I should have just apologised for the sake of it?

OP posts:
whois · 05/10/2014 11:38

You were petty and a bitch not to apologise.

"Ah sorry, are you ok? You stepped right in front and I couldn't stop in time"

HarlowTulip · 05/10/2014 12:09

But you didn't have to stop on a busy road, you could have just slowed down?

And if she made a big show of stopping and adjusting her shoes then you stopped anyway.

You didn't have to ram her or stop, those clearly we're not the only option available.

museumum · 05/10/2014 12:18

Cultural convention in the uk is that people who bump into each other BOTH apologise no matter who is truly at fault. Other cultures find it funny but I think it's nice. It would be a real shame if this stopped and instead we all tried to identify blame on only one party and only them apologise.

MangoBiscuit · 05/10/2014 12:19

Indeed Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost, manners cost nothing and go a long way. If I should apologise, I do, regardless of fault. I'm just trying to stop saying sorry when I shouldn't. When someone else barges into me, even though I'm the only one of us trying to make enough room, I instinctively apologise. Even I've stopped walking and they still barge. It just reinforces the other persons entitlement.

MangoBiscuit · 05/10/2014 12:21

I know it's a pantene advert (sorry, not sorry!), but it sums it up nicely.

KatieKaye · 05/10/2014 12:21

YABU
You caused hurt to this lady so of course you should have apologised.
Why couldn't you slowed down or waited for a second instead of barging into her? .

you were using a crossing, weren't you? Was the green man still on? Had it started flashing? If so then obviously you should not have pushed your buggy into another pedestrian. You were definitely aware of her and still hurt her on purpose!

JustShakeitoff · 05/10/2014 13:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

justmyview · 05/10/2014 13:20

*You're annoyed that people walk in front of your pushchair?

I suspect you're the kind of pushchair pusher I utterly detest when out and about.*

This

LadyLuck10 · 05/10/2014 13:22

Yabu, you hurt someone regardless of whose fault it is. You are the type of buggy pusher i truly hate, you know the entitled one who thinks everyone should cater to them and just walk on with a tight arse face.

ClapHandsIfYouBelieveInFatties · 05/10/2014 13:23

SHE WAS CUT OFF. And left on the road in the traffic because of the ignorance of someone else! She's not unreasonable.

LeftRightCentre · 05/10/2014 13:25

YABU

HarlowTulip · 05/10/2014 13:38

SHE WAS CUT OFF. And left on the road in the traffic because of the ignorance of someone else! She's not unreasonable.

I'm going to guess she was using a proper crossing, not dashing across a motorway.

The woman who cut her off most likely did not do it intentionally. The OP chose to ram her when she could have just slowed down as the woman hadn't stopped.

As soon as I'd hit her I would have automatically said sorry, but guess I just have what the OP lacks - manners.

KatieKaye · 05/10/2014 13:38

You've totally misread the OP Claphands. She was not left in the road:

the only avoidance tactic I had was to stop dead half on the road. Obviously I'm not doing that on a busy road!

From the information given there is no mention that OP was using a pedestrian crossing in what is obviously a town/city. Which is might explain why she was so aggressive - because that's a stupid and dangerous thing to do with a buggy.

Chandon · 05/10/2014 13:41

Can't believe you did not say sorry

Not her fault that you cut it so fine crossing a busy road, that was YOUR fault.

LemonadeRayGun · 05/10/2014 14:40

I would have apologised without thinking to be honest, it would be an automatic reaction even if afterwards I might think,hmm, why was I apologising?! If someone is potentially hurt by my actions, however intentional or not, I would apologise.

Kiffykaffycoffee · 05/10/2014 15:21

YABU. If I bump into someone, I apologise first, go on my way and then try and work out whose fault it was! Apologising for me is a knee jerk reaction, and tends to stop people getting arsey. It doesn't mean I was at fault or accepting responsibility. It's just a common courtesy.

Bulbasaur · 05/10/2014 15:47

I'm a bit confused.

Why are you crossing a busy street with a baby? Do you not have crosswalks or designated crossing areas where cars will stop for you?

If you are truly in a position where you can't pause in the road, it is not safe to be crossing with a buggy and you need to wait. You're not a single pedestrian who can nimbly dodge traffic. You've got a clunky piece of equipment to lug around.

What you did was stupid and dangerous. End of.

Even if you weren't an irresponsible idiot playing frogger with a baby, you are in control of your buggy and responsible for where it goes. If you bump someone you are responsible for it. The person behind is responsible for not hitting the people in front, just like you are with a shopping trolley at the store.

So yes, you were in the wrong on many levels. But mostly for taking your baby across the road while traffic was coming instead of either waiting or finding a designated crossing place.

ilovesooty · 05/10/2014 15:54

I would have thought that it would be natural to apologise whether or not you consider yourself at fault. It's just one of those polite social conventions.

fizzymittens · 05/10/2014 18:50

You sound like a bit of an ignoramus to me OP. So may bloody rude folk about though so you are not alone.

Sadly.

fizzymittens · 05/10/2014 18:51

many not may

MissDuke · 05/10/2014 19:02

Why not say 'excuse me' assertively rather than ram her? I have done that many times. I have never felt the need to deliberately 'ram' anyone, really horrible thing to do. Would you hit someone with your hand if they were in your way? I doubt it!

fizzymittens · 05/10/2014 19:07

Or even 'excuse me please'? Try it next time you feel the need to ram someone with your pram.

HermioneWeasley · 05/10/2014 19:15

OP you are rude and VVU

ChocolateWombat · 05/10/2014 19:48

I am amazed by how many people on this thread seem to think that saying 'sorry' is something they should reserve for very special occasions. I am amazed by how many people care about exactly who is to blame for petty little incidents and de have in a mean spirited way.
In day to day life, we bump into people, try to hold doors for them, let doors slip, get knocked by others and do it ourselves. Sometimes it is because we are just not paying full attention to what we are doing. Existing I. The world with other people means learning to get Along with others and to co-exist. And one of the ways we do this, is by a brief 'sorry' when we have bumped someone else, REGARDLESS of whose fault it is. It simply smooths the way. And as others have said, it costs absolutely nothing. So what is you say sorry when actually it was the other person who caused the bump.......is your pride and honour so fragile that it cannot stand to give an apology in that situation? The woman was bumped...doesn't matter if she was rammed or slightly touched, hurt badly or not at all.....it is just manners to acknowledge someone else. Perhaps she should have said sorry too, as she stopped abruptly, but regardless of whether she did say sorry or not, the OP should have done, as a mark of simple decency and acknowledgement.

Yes yes,to the person who said that saying sorry isn't a sign of weakness. It is simply a sign of being socially aware. Those who cannot bring themselves to say sorry (or thank you, or please.....because there are people who seem to think mother need to reserve these phrases for special occasions too) are the ones who lack social awareness. There is no competition to win,of who can be least giving and most hard-hearted...or rudest.

I would have to say that the the OP thinking her response was right,shows a lack of social awareness. It's the kind of behaviour we might expect froma small child.....you know, when we have to explain to them the importance of saying please, thank you and sorry. I had exactly that conversation with my 4 year old this week when he stepped on the foot of someone. He didn't want to say sorry because he found it a bit embarrassing and said he hadn't meant to do it. It doesn't matter if he meant to do it, he stepped on someone's foot and learning to say sorry is to learn to exist in our society. I wouldn't expect adults to need that explained to them though!

Just out of interest OP, do you also think you shouldn't say 'thankyou' to shop staff who serve you, as they are 'just' doing their job and are paid and somehow that means they don't deserve your thanks? Do you see thanks and sorry as words that need earning?
I'm gobsmacked!

raltheraffe · 05/10/2014 19:53

I would have apologized.

My husband is registered blind and apologizes when someone accidentally gets knocked with his cane.

Once a hoard of kids literally ran into his cane and he apologized and then the father of the kids told him "fucking watch where you are going". I explained as my husband is totally blind, he cannot watch where he is going, to which he bizarrely said "being blind is not a fucking excuse". At this point we should have carried on the altercation with this moron, but we were both left speechless.