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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not have apologised?

84 replies

Knackeredmum13 · 04/10/2014 10:32

I was crossing a busy road with my baby in his buggy. Lots of other people were crossing too including two women who were sort of walking beside me. As we got to the other side one of the women walked right in front of the buggy leaving me nowhere to walk. There was no room for me to go around her so I ended up ramming her heels with the buggy.
It wasn't intentional but she had cut me off and the only avoidance tactic I had was to stop dead half on the road. Obviously I'm not doing that on a busy road!
The woman made a big show of stopping and adjusting her shoes etc. The woman she was with stepped aside and asked if I wanted to pass. I thanked her and walked on.
They looked at me as though expecting an apology for ramming the first woman's heels. Should I have? I didn't because it was entirely her own fault. There was no way she wasn't aware that I was there while crossing, she just ignorantly ploughed on as though the pavement was all hers. But maybe I should have just apologised for the sake of it?

OP posts:

TeracottaTurtle · 04/10/2014 11:02

Yes you should have apologised and were very (unnecessarily) rude not to have.

I once spilled a huge cup of (thankfully warm) coffee all down the front of a woman in town. It was completely her fault. I was walking slowly with (lidded) cup in hand, quiet street, plenty of space to go around people...she came barrelling around the corner engrossed in her phone and went right into me. She was completely covered.

It wasn't my fault at all, but I still apologised...because I was sorry that she had coffee all over her light coloured dress and was pretty much completely saturated...even though it wasn't my fault.

It was actually a very 'British' scene...I was apologising to her and offering her wipes to clean herself up and she was mortified and apologising to me and offering to replace my coffee

Alisvolatpropiis · 04/10/2014 11:03

Yabu

It is basic good manners.

zippey · 04/10/2014 11:06

Hope you teach your child better manners!

Just remember politeness - please, thank you's and sorrys go a long way.

We teach our children manners and you should be leading by example. Just because you are aware of yourself doesn't men other people are. Having a buggy doesn't give you the right to accidentally or intentionally assault anyone.

Aridane · 04/10/2014 11:15

YABU

CatsCantTwerk · 04/10/2014 11:17

You were unreasonable and rude.

LarrytheCucumber · 04/10/2014 11:41

Of course you should apologise. Even though you didn't intend to hurt her, you did. It's how it works. She might then have apologised in return for walking in front of you, but you will never know.

Original poster

Knackeredmum13 · 04/10/2014 11:43

Yes I probably was rude. I've just had a belly full of people walking right into me. It's a big enough buggy to be noticed and I always try to keep to the side of the pavement so as to be out the way.
I'm not even going to mention the people who push in front of me when getting into lifts meaning I can't get in.

OP posts:

soverylucky · 04/10/2014 11:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 04/10/2014 11:51

Yes it wasn't your fault, granted but accidents aren't anyone's fault but it's still basic manners to apologise. It wouldn't have hurt you to say, sorry would it.

MangoBiscuit · 04/10/2014 11:51

I would have said sorry. Probably along the lines of "Oh I'm sorry! I wasn't expecting you to swerve in front of the buggy like that. Are you ok?"

I'm trying not to say sorry as often as I do, and be a bit more assertive, like not apologising when I'm the one dodging out of the way for someone else who's ploughing on past me. But if I'd hurt someone, even if it was their own fault, I'd apologise.

The lift thing pisses me off no end though. I've started strategically positioning the pushchair when waiting, then saying "excuse me, I was waiting first and I need to get the pushchair in too" politely, with a smile, when people inevitably barge in.

Flipflops7 · 04/10/2014 11:56

YANBU OP. People criss-cross and barge into others without looking now. There's no reason why people can't cross the road in a straight line safely as they did for decades, THEN consider where they want to go. Crossing someone else's path while they are still on the road is dangerous and inexcusable. It happened to me twice yesterday and gave me the effing rage. The barger is basically leaving you in the road to risk the traffic when it starts up again.

Jakadaal · 04/10/2014 11:59

She most probably wasn't aware of walking in your path (busy road/chatting/traffic noise) and you unavoidably bumped into her so you should have apologised so should she. Sadly though you come across as a pushchair pusher who feel entitled to right of way - I see this all the time. Pushchairs have wheels so can be manoeuvred! And I speak as someone who pushed a double buggy for a long time

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 04/10/2014 12:12

But Mango. Saying sorry is not a weakness. It's not assertive to have no manners.
Nothing wrong with good manners

Flipflops7 · 04/10/2014 12:16

The person causing the problem should apologise. That person getting a pushchair in her heels was just a consequence of her own act.

Alisvolatpropiis · 04/10/2014 12:17

You're annoyed that people walk in front of your pushchair?

I suspect you're the kind of pushchair pusher I utterly detest when out and about.

Only1scoop · 04/10/2014 12:19

Yes Op I can't even imagine the ramming the lift pushers might get

deakymom · 04/10/2014 12:47

ive done this and apologised she got furious with me told me if i was a car i would have to take legal responsibility for her "damages" i pointed out she would be dead and asked if she usually cut people up in her car too?

sorry is just a word you don't have to mean it to use it

Flipflops7 · 04/10/2014 12:50

Alis, the OP was crossing a road. This isn't a pavement incident. If someone weaves in front of you while you are both crossing a road, they are endangering you.

hackmum · 04/10/2014 12:54

I agree with the OP. I remember what a pain in the arse it was with a buggy. I also get really irritated (perhaps disproportionately so) by people who don't seem to exercise any kind of sense while walking on a busy pavement or in a shopping centre. You know what I mean: people walking down the street staring intently at their phone, people standing in shop doorways while they work out where they want to go, people who approach you from the other direction but, while you slow down and try to get out of their way, they don't do the same, just plough straight ahead, people who in a crowded street will decide it's a good idea to point something out to their friend, so you have to avoid being jabbed by their finger.

And relax...

PicandMinx · 04/10/2014 13:00

People should pay attention and look where there are going. YANBU.

Alisvolatpropiis · 04/10/2014 14:01

Flips

That happens all the time. Just normal day to day stuff.

The op is lucky the woman was better mannered than she is herself. A great many people do not take well to be clipped in the ankles by someone with a pushchair.

Flyawaylittlebutterfly · 04/10/2014 14:09

I wouldn't, it was her own fault. Never apologise for anything unless you are in the wrong. If anyone owed an apology it was her for blocking your way and potentially endangering your child.

When I used to use the pram/buggy I noticed that many people would walk three abreast with the expectation of you moving out of the way. I used to walk really fast and if they walked into it, it was their problem.

Workytypestuff · 04/10/2014 14:10

Yanbu

There are too many idiots that are only aware of themselves. People should look where they are going!

The people that get in other peoples way, and then walk mega slow or stop dead are the worst

Original poster

Knackeredmum13 · 04/10/2014 14:18

I'm far from an entitled buggy pusher hence why I was trying to go sideways to avoid her. She left me nowhere to go. It was either stop on the dual carriageway and hope the traffic was happy to wait for me to get out of the road or carry on going to get onto the pavement. I can't push the buggy through metal railings and she had edged me right over to them.

OP posts:

my2centsis · 05/10/2014 10:23

You both should apologize! When did people get so damned rude!!

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