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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want my DH to grow a f@&@ing back bone?!??

74 replies

Babycino81 · 03/10/2014 21:48

Not to drip feed. Some issues with PILs since DD was born a year ago re: them interfering and being controlling. Decided to move on from this and start afresh although I would have preferred we talked about it but hasn't happened so that is that.

PILs desperately want to look after DD when I returned to work which I was not happy with but he care was split between them and my mum and nursery which resulted in them looking after DD for two days a fortnight.

DH and I stick to the nursery routine for DD's mealtimes as it has worked well for us etc.

Yesterday PILs were told what times to feed her etc etc and I left the food available so they only needed to heat it. Came home to find DD hadn't been given any dinner and it was three hours after she should have eaten. I was to she's had snacks etc. consequently, DD was like an antichrist she was so hungry and didn't end up going to bed til 9.
This morning, before I left I made it painfully clear to the point of being a bit curt what times she needed to bed fed. Came home this evening to same situation.

DH has said we need to 'persist' with PILs. AIBU to think he needs to grow a pair and tell them if they want to look after her to feed the child? I'm happy to put her into nursery and/or ask my mum but persist? Wtf???

DH works away so now muffins here is left to pick up the shit. I am livid

OP posts:

CrapBag · 03/10/2014 21:54

I would be too.

They've had their chance and they have blown it if they can't follow a simple instruction regarding her meal times. Given they have a history I would hazard a guess that they are trying to control the situation by not following your instructions to them?

You can't rely on your DH to sort this out as he isn't on the same page about it. I guess its up to you to say the arrangement isn't working out and you are making alternative plans.

Now its meals, next it will be something else, then something else. Anything they can do which means not having to follow your instructions. Don't give them the chance.

FunkyBoldRibena · 03/10/2014 21:55

Why the fuck didn't they feed her? Seriously. He needs to read them the riot act.

Darkesteyes · 03/10/2014 21:56

Agree OP Your DH is putting his parents wishes before your childs welfare. He is enabling their controlling behaviour.

He also obviously sees you as lesser than him if hes telling you how it should be. If it were me i would be even more angry with him than them.

ChippingInLatteLover · 03/10/2014 21:57

What has DH said about it tonight?

AMillionNameChangesLater · 03/10/2014 22:00

They should definitely be feeding the baby! I would kick off.

Original poster

Babycino81 · 03/10/2014 22:04

DH has said we need to persist tonight . In any other aspect of his life he would be the first person to deal with an issue etc but when it comes to his parents he is fucking useless

OP posts:

CrapBag · 03/10/2014 22:06

Then ignore him and don't wait for him to deal with them as he won't. Just get on and do it yourself. Its not up to him to persist. Why should you when they can't follow a simple instruction like feeding the child they are suppose to be looking after!

He is not putting the needs of his hungry child first, but his controllong parents which is disgusting.

Mrsgrumble · 03/10/2014 22:07

I would pay for nursery tbh. Not worth the battle.

2minsofyourtime · 03/10/2014 22:08

need to persist it doesn't really mean anything though unless he tell them what he wants them to do.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 03/10/2014 22:10

YANBU, but I wouldn't be waiting for him to do anything about it. I'd be booking extra days in nursery as soon as they can have her and tell your POL why.

Quitelikely · 03/10/2014 22:11

Why don't you let them feed her their own food instead if supplying your own?

I don't see how the timing of the food results in late bedtimes, can you elaborate on that part

skylark2 · 03/10/2014 22:12

If it was half an hour either way, really not an issue (best to have a child who isn't completely dependent on a rigid routine if possible, IMO) but not feeding her a meal for 3 hours after mealtime is awful.

A one year old needs meals, not just snacks. I think you have to say "if this happens again, I won't be able to leave her with you because it's not fair on her." Not "persisting", but one last chance, very clearly stated as such.

I would also ask the nursery now if they have the extra days available.

Hakluyt · 03/10/2014 22:12

What did they say when you asked why she hadn't had any dinner?

FrancesNiadova · 03/10/2014 22:14

How could they not feed a baby?
Let DH tell them that it isn't working & that his child will be looked after by someone else.
I'm angry for you Babycino!

minibmw2010 · 03/10/2014 22:15

Have they given any reason as to why they haven't given her her dinner ??!?

Smartiepants79 · 03/10/2014 22:18

I don't quite understand. Have they not fed her at all?
What was the reason given for her not having been fed?
I'm all for trying hard with family and would perhaps still say give them one more chance but it needs to be made very clear that it is a last chance.

mausmaus · 03/10/2014 22:18

yes, can dd go to nursery those extra days?
you will all not be happy with the tension.

Hakluyt · 03/10/2014 22:22

Did they give her something else, not the food you left for her? I'm struggling with this, to be honest. Why did the not feed her?

blanketyblank100 · 03/10/2014 22:23

No, you don't persist when your child is suffering. Your DH is not stepping up as a father if he thinks that's a good idea. I would be livid. They would get one. more. chance.

RustyParker · 03/10/2014 22:24

Did they say why they hadn't fed her? What on earth are they thinking.

I'm betting your DH would be first to kick off if your parents were to do this? He needs to stand up to them. How would he feel to have nothing to eat during the day? I don't think I could leave my DC with them if I knew they weren't going to feed her. Poor little mite.

Off topic - are you on your phone? The autocorrect of muggins to muffins did make me laugh, sorry

JuanFernandezTitTyrant · 03/10/2014 22:29

Three hours past mealtimes is practically time for the next meal altogether. WTAF are they playing at?!

moaningminnie2 · 03/10/2014 22:35

why did they say they hadn't fed her? Are you sure they didn't try to, and she wouldn't eat?
What time is she supposed to have her tea , if it is 3 hours before you collect her?

JADS · 03/10/2014 22:37

I would be hoping mad. Just feed the poor baby. Did they say why they didn't feed her?

At that age, ds would have been inconsolable if he hadn't had his dinner. Not what you need to come home to. Personally there would be no more chances. Hope you an get extra days in nursery x

Golightly133 · 03/10/2014 22:40

You grow a back bone and speak up, no way would I allow this to continue either they tow the line or don't have ds simples

Golightly133 · 03/10/2014 22:41

Sorry I meant dd x

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