To want my DH to grow a f@&@ing back bone?!??

[Babycino81]

Not to drip feed. Some issues with PILs since DD was born a year ago re: them interfering and being controlling. Decided to move on from this and start afresh although I would have preferred we talked about it but hasn't happened so that is that.

PILs desperately want to look after DD when I returned to work which I was not happy with but he care was split between them and my mum and nursery which resulted in them looking after DD for two days a fortnight.

DH and I stick to the nursery routine for DD's mealtimes as it has worked well for us etc.

Yesterday PILs were told what times to feed her etc etc and I left the food available so they only needed to heat it. Came home to find DD hadn't been given any dinner and it was three hours after she should have eaten. I was to she's had snacks etc. consequently, DD was like an antichrist she was so hungry and didn't end up going to bed til 9.
This morning, before I left I made it painfully clear to the point of being a bit curt what times she needed to bed fed. Came home this evening to same situation.

DH has said we need to 'persist' with PILs. AIBU to think he needs to grow a pair and tell them if they want to look after her to feed the child? I'm happy to put her into nursery and/or ask my mum but persist? Wtf???

DH works away so now muffins here is left to pick up the shit. I am livid

Why would anyone not give a child a meal and choose to fling bits and bobs at them instead, when the parent has made the meal and asked that the meal be given? It feels like you are describing people who are just not doing what you ask simply because you are asking it.

If that is the case, then you are saying that they care less about their grandchild than they do about socking it to you, which would make them awful people.

Yoghurts and fruit and snacks for an entire day but no actual food is not good enough. Is it that they think a child doesn't need a meal? That they couldn't be bothered to heat a meal? That they just kept giving snacks every ten minutes?
That's what you make do with if your child is refusing a meal, it's not what you choose to give to them instead of offering a meal if you know they usually have a meal and have no reason to think that they wouldn't want one!

I mean, why wouldn't you serve a child a meal?

Fair enough if you offer it and they don't want it. that's kids. They're awkward buggers

But a whole day without offering it? Who would do that? Not even offer a child a meal? Doesn't even have to be your schedule if they can see the child isn't hungry at that exact time, but at some time between dropping the child off in the morning and you collecting her after work (so I'm assuming a full day's work here) they didn't think oh, maybe a child needs an actual lunch? They didn't even try it?

If you are saying that you have had issues with them being controlling, then is it likely this is just more of the same? She can't tell US what to do, we know more than she does, we'll do it our way and show her.

When I went into hospital to have dd, my PIL had ds, age 3. On the second day (c-section) they brought him to see us. He was pretty much unrecognisable from my ds, had a huge tantrum, so much so that the staff asked us to remove him from the ward . I put it down to him struggling with the new sibling thing, though was distraught to see him like that. The next day I went home at around three in the afternoon and ds was brought home by PIL. I asked when he'd had lunch "oh we didn't stop, just wanted to get here" so no lunch. So I asked well what did he have for breakfast "oh he didn't want breakfast, so we didn't make him" my three year old child therefore had not eaten a meal for nearly 24 hours. They'd had him for three days and I am quite sure that "relaxed" attitude towards food had prevailed throughout and certainly explained his behaviour at the hospital.

Point is sometimes that sometimes that generation forget that kids actually need feeding good meals regularly, especially little autistic, who can't ask for food ones like my ds . I think that it's not instinctive with them the way that it us with us as parents. They've forgotten.

OP I would not let her stay with them again especially as there seems to be big element of control around this.

Point is sometimes that sometimes that generation forget that kids actually need feeding good meals regularly

Really?

I'm that generation. My friends worry that their DCs don't feed the DGC proper meals or enough veg or too much white stoge.

It is not a generation thing.

That's why I said "sometimes" and it has certainly been my experience.

For example snacking between meals is a no no for my own parents, there is also the "every four hour routine" that was promoted back then. What I am saying is eating habits have changed but I have found that sometimes that generation are resistant to those changes.

Point is sometimes that sometimes that generation forget that kids actually need feeding good meals regularly, especially little autistic, who can't ask for food ones like my ds sad. I think that it's not instinctive with them the way that it us with us as parents. They've forgotten.

Okay.
That get's my vote as the second most ridiculous thing I've ever read on MN.

I'm going to start a spreadsheet.

FGS!!

Sorry you found it so ridiculous. But it actually was my experience and it happened many times. So much so that I had to stop him going there.

I've read quite a few threads on here regarding food and parents etc.

Good luck with your spreadsheet, hope you find it helpful .

Anecdotal evidence does not equal data.

Yes, there are shit grandparents out there (along with shit exes, shit DsiL, shit siblings and shit parents)

But they haven't forgotten. They are either deliberately flouting your rules, or they think they're being fun and indulgent.

But they know what they're doing.

But they haven't forgotten. They are either deliberately flouting your rules, or they think they're being fun and indulgent

But they know what they're doing

This^^

Meal times don't cease to exist after 50

No one's so stupid regardless of age to not know you feed children.

It must have been more effort to root through fridge and cupboards at regular intervals to find something remotely suitable to feed a baby than it would have been to nuke a pre made and provided portion of food.

It was purposeful and selfish

Hmmm, I don't agree that's always the case, though yes, I am sure that happens sometimes and I agreed in the post that you kindly quoted, that it was happening here.

Plus I worked in catering for many years. The ones trailing in at half eleven or four o clock for lunch/dinner were always the old people.

Pretty much a nursery routine hey. Funny that

To quote nanny anecdotal experience does not equal data. I'm surprised at how annoyed people are getting on here by an alternative opinion and experience to be honest.

Does several years of significant percentages 7 days a week in different establishments qualify as anecdotal?

Did you record it and present it to your peers?

There would have been evidence in the sense of the majority picking from a specific menu. In regards to time of sale and and food ordered. So sales figures of the usual meals chosen. Oh and all the staff seeing it themselves daily too.

Oh and the eventual abolishment of the set menu due to making no money on it as the customers using it were not big spenders. Ie glasses of water with a meal as opposed to a drink. Not large parties with families purchasing multiple meals and drinks and deserts.. But elderly couples with bird like appetites spending only the cost of the reduced offer meal

I do not disagree with anything you're saying. I've seen this myself I was talking about MY experience of a similar situation and those of others I have talked to about this, also have seen similar threads right here on MN where one of the conclusions were that sometimes that generation have a differing attitudes towards food and meal times. My daring to mention this different experience and viewpoint was leapt on and aggressively quoted as "the second most stupid thing" ever read on MN. It's funny what people get themselves worked up about isn't it?

I think that's a good point laqueen. I don't think it always has to be malicious and seeking to undermine the parent.

I don't see how it could be idleness though.

It involved getting uo once. 30 seconds. Ping.job done.

As opposed to getting up and down at regular intervals finding stiff in cupboards that child could eat and the Constant clearing up of crumbs.

And listening to a whiny baby all day.

My daring to mention this different experience and viewpoint was leapt on and aggressively quoted as "the second most stupid thing" ever read on MN.

Indeed.

Because some of the older members of this forum are pig-sick of the ridiculous ageist generalisations often found here.
Therefore they are challenged.

So shoot me.

That's why I said sometimes. I was describing my OWN experience and concluding that might be a possibility in some cases as it was in mine. I think you've got to really want to see ageism to see it my post tbh. But we are of course all entitled to our opinions aren't we?

Two days in a row of inadequate, snacky food is incompetent, insensitive to DD and, as PPs have said, just lazy. If they can't be bothered with the faff of meals (and yes, they are a faff, create a lot of mess and don't always get eaten), then they are not really comoetent to look after a child for more than a few hours. Not a working day, and nit regularly (and certsinly not two days together - poor child!).

You don't have to say tgat to your PIL, but definitely to DH.