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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how normal it is

71 replies

takemewithyoustream · 03/10/2014 16:16

Very genuinely how many of you regularly feel they'd like to end their life? Or maybe more accurately like they would feel quite pleased really if they found out they had a terminal illness?

I've felt like this for a while, I'm not suicidal please don't get me wrong. I just don't want to live.

Am I alone?

OP posts:
FauxFox · 03/10/2014 16:18

Not normal. Off the the GP with you! You don't have to feel like this Flowers

ShakeYourTailFeathers · 03/10/2014 16:18

I have never felt like that.

Flowers hope you're ok OP

ItIsntJustAPhase · 03/10/2014 16:19

When I get those sorts of thoughts I treat them as a symptom of something needing sorting out. I don't take them at face value anymore.

LadyLuck10 · 03/10/2014 16:19

Not normal op. Are you ok?

LemonadeRayGun · 03/10/2014 16:20

I don't feel like it all the time, but occasionally it crosses my mind that it might be better all round for everyone if I fell off a cliff or was fatally hit by a car

RandomMess · 03/10/2014 16:20

Hmm I suffer from depression and yes have felt many months/years feeling like that. I wouldn't commit suicide because I can usually put the effects it would have on my dc above my desire to no longer exist.

DayLillie · 03/10/2014 16:24

I have occasionally felt like life is just a bit too much of a struggle/complicated/I have no purpose/painful and wondered if it would be better for me and everyone else to just not wake up in the morning.

I don't know if it is normal, constitutes 'suicidal thoughts' or whatever.

I have done it all my life, and know it goes away. I think it is low esteem/confidence more than depression. Hope yours goes away soon Flowers

Original poster
takemewithyoustream · 03/10/2014 16:25

I don't think my presence adversely effects others particularly but then it doesn't really enhance others either. Or it does, but not in a way that really counts for anything.

I am having counselling. I don't really want to go to the GP as it'll just be anti depressants and I've never found them helpful xx

OP posts:
Purpleflamingos · 03/10/2014 16:25

I've never thought like that but one of my dsisters does and did. Thankfully it's been a long time since her last attempt but she still struggles with depression.

MyGastIsFlabbered · 03/10/2014 16:26

I feel like that sometimes but I have clinical depression and am in anti-depressants so maybe not the best person to answer. Please see your GP if you feel like this regularly.

firesidechat · 03/10/2014 16:31

I have felt like that for a brief period in my life, but it's not normal, no.

In my case I don't think it was clinical depression as such and more a complete inability to deal with a series of upsetting situations. I don't think I was in any serious risk of harming myself.

I imagine that for most people who commit suicide the not wanting to live thing is a large part of why they do what they do, so I wouldn't treat it too lightly.

Do you feel depressed? Do you have reasons to feel this way?

Original poster
takemewithyoustream · 03/10/2014 16:32

I honestly doubt the GP can do much! To sort this, I'd need to go back in time which I can't do, it's just stuck now, I wish none of it.

OP posts:
cricketpitch · 03/10/2014 16:33

Yes, I have felt like that for periods of my adult life. Realised it was depression and went to the GP. Anti-depressants help. Had a bad bout a few weeks ago and was in despair so rang the Samaritans. They helped.

It has been different since I have had kids as I know what damage it would do to them if I were not here but there are times when I feel that my not being here would be a simple solution.

Other times I feel fine and busy and it never crosses my mind.

Interesting to hear that not everyone feels like that at least sometimes - I had sort of felt that it was fairly common. Thank you OP for asking the question.

Original poster
takemewithyoustream · 03/10/2014 16:33

I don't exactly feel depressed, I don't cry or feel sad.

But there's this kind of flatness over everything. No energy. Hate being me.

OP posts:
NeoFaust · 03/10/2014 16:33

I used to fantasise about suicide daily. Now I'm with my girlfriend I think how horrible it would be of me to leave her alone, as she really seems to love me.

Now I fantasise about lethal accidents instead.

Not diagnosed with depression, but officially ASD, so not normal.

firesidechat · 03/10/2014 16:34

That sort of sounds like depression to me, but I'm no expert.

firesidechat · 03/10/2014 16:34

The op not you Neo

Spidertracker · 03/10/2014 16:36

I have never had thoughts like that. DH has done, he was subsequently diagnosed with depression and hasn't had them since he started treatment.
If you have them regularly see a GP.

Original poster
takemewithyoustream · 03/10/2014 16:38

Yes, but all the GP will do is prescribe anti depressants which I don't want :)

OP posts:
NewEraNewMindset · 03/10/2014 16:39

It's certainly not normal but yes I have felt like this in the past and feel like that at the moment. I am depressed but I don't want GP help as I know I won't act on it. I do like you though think of the people who have terminal diseases and wish I could take it from them but then I have a toddler and know he loves and needs me so recognise it's a selfish thought.

IsItMeOr · 03/10/2014 16:39

It's apparently relatively common to feel like this, especially fleetingly. But if it's more regular, then it's a sign that something's amiss.

Neo ASD and depression aren't mutually exclusive - it does sound like it might be worth you having a chat with your GP if you haven't already.

LEMmingaround · 03/10/2014 16:40

Are there any issues causing this? The flatness is pants i know exactly how you feel. I am on ads and tbh they don't help with the flat feeling. What dort of counselling are you having?

AGnu · 03/10/2014 16:41

Neo I was just about to say something similar. I've had problems with depression previously but even when I'm not feeling down I can't help thinking about death, both mine & others. Not in a suicidal way, more of a morbid pondering if it might not be a preferable situation. I'm not officially ASD but I think it's highly likely so maybe that's got something to do with it!

takeme have you spoken to your counsellor about it? I'm pretty sure it's not 'normal' but I've never quite been brave enough to mention it to anyone IRL - I suspect I'd get a lot of Hmm faces!

Original poster
takemewithyoustream · 03/10/2014 16:43

I've only had 3 sessions so far, and so haven't quite got round to it. It's person centred? have i got that right?

I was recently bereaved but things have been rubbish for ages tbh!

OP posts:
SuperMumTum · 03/10/2014 16:44

When in the depths of PND I felt like I was a hindrance to everyone and that their lives would be better without me but I didn't fantasise about dying more like I wanted to run away and start a new life in secret completely on my own and never make any human connections again. I don't feel like that any more.