To ask how normal it is

[takemewithyoustream]

Very genuinely how many of you regularly feel they'd like to end their life? Or maybe more accurately like they would feel quite pleased really if they found out they had a terminal illness?

I've felt like this for a while, I'm not suicidal please don't get me wrong. I just don't want to live.

Am I alone?

When life is very difficult I do sometimes think that it would be easier to be dead.

Holistic Hypnotherapy works well. If you have a spare 60 a month for maybe three or six months it would be worth looking into it.

Mindfulness meditation is also good and available on the NHS.

Best wishes to you.

I get like this more often than I'd like to admit. I'm waiting for an assessment for ASD and have a history of anxiety and depression. If you're totally against anti-depressants (which I understand) could you try St John's Wort? Some people report it helps in similar circumstances. Is there anything you can do to change your circumstances? Like volunteer? Just so you feel it's more meaningful.

You will feel so so much better if you get anti depressants. You need help. You poor thing.

By the way, it's actually not uncommon at all for people (who are not depressed as well as people who are) to wish they didn't exist/die. Just as a thought. It is fairly 'normal'. It's not 'normal' to feel like this all the time, only in that it's a 100% sure sign of depression.

In the nicest possible way, OP, what do you want people to tell you?

You asked if it was normal, I think it's clear now that it's not. The reason I suggested visiting your GP is because that opens up a huge range of options of help to you.

ADs don't have to be the solution, they are just one option - but you need to discuss it with someone. If counselling isn't working, ask for an alternative, or group therapy if you think that will help.

Without sounding too harsh, there are no certainties in death - who's to say your worries don't follow you to the grave?

Bluepop - you've asked what I wanted people to say.

The first thing I'll say is that the OP of a thread is often asked that when she is rejecting suggestions being made to her and it's not really a response that there is much of an answer to other than a rather helpless shrug and lost facia expression as I think what all of us are doing when we start a thread is I suppose to ask people to share in an emotion - of joy or sadness or loneliness or giggliness - so it's impossible to say what you wanted without knowing who will reply or what prior experienced they'll bring to the table so to speak.

But I'll try to answer. I started the thread because I felt/feel really pointless. I feel like my life is one that contributes little to those around me, to society, I don't feel particularly loved or even valued. The problem is that by saying those things you inevitably get JOIN CLUBS GET A HOBBY HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT ONLINE DATING which largely miss the point - so I deliberately tried to keep it about feelings.

Unfortunately in doing that I think people have misconstrued my post as clinical depression which it isn't. I feel alone because I am; I feel worthless because I am; I feel pathetic because I am. I could give you so many examples as to why these are true. I have good points as well but what's the point when these aren't recognised in those around me?

The problem is when you nicely say something is not for you (GP/ADs) and people keep saying it IS for you it massively adds to the alone feelings as although people say they know, if it was sorted with pills, they don't.

Same with counselling, some people have said to try counselling presumably missing the point I'm having it ... If counselling isn't helping, maybe that's because I'm sort of beyond help? Maybe I've just made too many mistakes to go back and unravel the threads? Counselling and pills can only do so much! Imagine a prisoner has committed a terrible crime, they might learn to not to it again through counselling and medication, but they've still done it, they are still in jail.

And I'm NOT saying I've committed a terrible crime but what I am saying is sometimes things are just too wrecked to go back and sort.

I hope that explains things a bit more clearly.

You poor lady. I have been in almost the same state as you describe. I was NOT depressed in the clinical sense, but totally beaten down by one life disaster after another and felt that life was pointless and I'd had enough of it.

I did go to my GP and wish I never had. I felt almost bullied by this 'anti-depressants' line. I didn't want them and really needed big changes in my personal life. I ended up with NHS 'Therapy' which was even worse, as it made me feel as if I was so unlike other people that I'd never make it in this world. Luckily I resisted the 'medication' which the doctor kept nagging and nagging me about, and managed never to take a single tablet.
All these feelings are probably because you've had more than you can take of sad events and unsuccessful relationships. There's only so much one can stand before 'wanting out'. I felt completely isolated from the rest of the world. I called it being in a Tribe Of One.

It's not easy to explain how I emerged from all this. 'Here's some pills' is not the answer. I made a huge effort to find one or two nice female friends (one was an elderly neighbour) and very gradually began to go out to daft things like village bingo or a car boot sale. I did a tiny bit of voluntary work, and phoned the Samaritans hundreds of times. I even went to their centre in town, and you can sit with someone over a cup of tea and they'll listen for hours if necessary. These strategies somehow gained me momentum and I felt a bit better in time.

This was years ago, but your post touched me very much.
Just to give you some hope, I am now happily married for many years to a lovely African man. I have lots of activities, friends and hobbies etc and I truly am glad I decided to go on living. My past troubles do surface occasionally, but I can deal with them.

Please accept a kindly hug from me and many prayers and wishes for your eventual 'escape' from this hell.

OP I think about this daily. But it is NOT normal. I've suffered two mental breakdowns, depression, ptsd, and work with a mental health team. I don't exactly feel suicidal anymore, it's just a case of "I don't feel like living anymore, it's too difficult."

I've no plans to end my life, no desire to commit suicide, but it's a constant thought. I'm hoping that with time it'll pass as my mh gets better. I hope you're doing ok, pm me if you need to

Oh I completely understand! My goodness!

I found the whole NHS approach to "depression" of no use at all. Antidepressants made me ill and alien (I tried loads) and the therapy was all about locating all my problems IN me, in a sort of extended blameathon. It was quite religious in its way? All about belief and no action. I just wanted to die and they had no solutions except "you are wrong and you are wrong to be unhappy and you are wrong for wanting to die so just stop being so wrong you wrong mad woman, and take more pills, and stop saying they make you feel ill, you ARE ill..."

When I clambered out I realised, I never had a brain problem, I had a life problem. I was unhappy cause my life was shit. Really shit! It was hard to fix it, and impossible while I was still accepting this role of "crazy person". Because crazy people, as you know, are wrong.

Anyway, when I stopped trying to change myself and started trying to change my life, things got a lot better. Really. It took quite a few years - I needed care support and a cleaner and a job and to move house and so on and so forth - but I got there. And I see hatespiders has a similar story. It can be done. I hug you too and hope for you.

I don't think it is uncommon or abnormal but there are things you can do about it, you don't have to feel this way. You should definitely try getting some sort of help via your gp.

I felt like this most of my life but over the last few years I've been taking ad's and things have got gradually better. I think with me it was that I didn't have anything I was particularly interested in living for. Life bored me. now I have a and and wonderful darling daughter.

You need to find something that you really care about.

It does sound like you have a bit of a crap time just now.

The thing is all of that crap can cause depression and it is clinical. I think this is more often the case when stress and unhappiness is long term.

AD'S do work for those with depression like you describe but you are so right. They wont change your circumstances. What they might do is put you in a place where instead of just accepting that your life isn't what you want it to be they will help you feel strong enough to change things. Only you can change your circumstances. But you need help to do that.

Counselling is good but only if its right for you. There are different kinds of counselling and maybe you need to find one that helps you change your behaviours and reactions. Ask to see a cbt therapist

what ads did you have before?.

I've heard my DH say all of the things you write. What worked for him may not work for you, but I know it was all very very real to him, and me trying logical approach was futile - it didn't change how he felt. anyway, this thread is not about my DH, takeme, it's about you, and although I have never met you, I already care enough about you to want to help you get more meaning out of your life (not that I am an expert!).

Try this exercise: write down about 15-20 things you want to change in your life. Number them in order of importance.

Draw 3 concentric circles on a piece of paper. The smallest (inner circle) is where you write the number for each of the things you can change on your own. The middle circle is where you put the numbers for the things you can change with help from someone else. The outer circle is where you put the numbers for the things you can't change at all.

Hopefully the most important things are in the small circle. If too many important things are in the outer circles, especially if they are important to you, then think about breaking them down into smaller components. Maybe this will help you identify what you want to change and what is within your control to change.

Many people seek meaning in life, and it can be done in many ways, but you need to be open to possibilities. I hope you feel more worthwhile soon.

I have felt like you have for the past year. I have bipolar. I take medication and have therapy.

My personally think you should try medication. Just because one made you feel bad doesn't mean they all will. It's all about finding the right medication.

If you are adamant that you don't want medication then there are non medicated ways to improve your mood.

These involve eating regularly. A regular bedtime. Not drinking alcohol and exercising regularly.

Thanks so much, those of you who have appreciated this isn't a medical issue.

It has made me feel less alone -x-

Thanks so much, those of you who have appreciated this isn't a medical issue.

It has made me feel less alone -x-

My DP feels like this and is due to have a psychiatric assessment this week. You could ask your GP for a referral to a mental health team. Please give your GP a chance to help. He or she might be more sympathetic than you expect. But don't think this is normal. Good luck.

Takemewithyoustream

If your current life circumstances are not good, and haven't been good for a while, then I think it is a perfectly natural reaction to have negative feelings or just to feel a bit numb as a survival mechanism.

Quite understandably, some who have had success with antidepressants/counselling during a difficult time can be evangelical about the solution that worked for them. But everyone is different and, as you have clearly stated you do not think this is appropriate in your own situation, I would like to respect your own assessment.

Maybe, as the song goes, you are 'looking for love in all the wrong places'. Perhaps you feel that the people who might be expected to love and support you - you will know who they are - just aren't doing so and that therefore you must somehow be unworthy of love and support. But maybe, just maybe, they are the wrong people to validate you. And it's not your fault. The inability of others to make you feel like a worthwhile person, does not mean that this is an accurate reflection of who you are.

To err is human. If you have made some mistakes along the way then you are in the same boat as every other person on this planet. Be as forgiving of yourself as you would be of others.

I'm not going to give you a list of things you ought to do. Just a few suggestions which you are free to consider as a way of keeping yourself going until things begin to look a bit better. You will know if any of them are a good fit for you. A walk/cycle/run somewhere where you can feel close to Nature. Listening to some emotional music to help you get the tears out. Journalling - sometimes naming your troubles in written words can take away the sting. A large slab of chocolate. (Seriously!) Sitting in quiet contemplation in a beautiful building. A cup of coffee and some people-watching/journalling in a cafe.

But sometimes it's enough just to get through to bedtime. So be gentle and patient with yourself if you possibly can until things get better (and they will).

Outwith

I don't like how ads make me feel.

Have you considered anti-anxiety meds? Depression and anxiety go hand in hand and anxiety is not always about panic attacks. Anxiety comes in the form of intrusive thoughts and constant over thinking as well. AD's did exactly zero for me. Anti-anxiety meds made a night and day difference.

Also, everyone's brain is different, so an AD that made you feel cruddy could just be the medication and not AD's in general.

Obviously meds aren't going to be a magic quick fix, but you need something to keep you afloat OP.

But away from the GP/Meds side since you seem frustrated, you could always try:

• Journaling
• Exercise
• Volunteering
• Look on Meetup and meet with people with like interests
• Do you have hobbies? Find one that's challenging and force yourself to do it so you can see that you're improving and accomplishing goals.
• Get some self help books.

It does sound like depression. Just because there's a logical real-life reason for it doesn't mean it's not depression, and no, it's not normal to feel as you do. Feeling that it's not the circumstances, it's you, is a dead giveaway, actually.

Some people are lucky and find an AD that works for them. Telling someone about it, if only because it may show you that you have options and there are other perspectives, can also be really helpful.

Bulbasaur, do you mind my asking what anti-anxiety meds worked for you?

Take me, about 3.5 years ago, I felt as though there was no point to me. I'd made so many mistakes and was (in my eyes) of no value to anyone - work, friends, family. I decided that if I felt the same way when I reached a certain age, then I would kill myself. I wasn't being dramatic, I just wanted a practical way of escaping the emptiness and pain. Because the emptiness is so painful.

What I did was carry on. I just stuck at it, and life just went on the same way. Part of what kept me going was knowing that things can change. A life can change so much and so quickly that it's unrecognisable from the old one. And that is what happened - about 10 months later, my life changed.

Yours can too. Nothing you have done is so bad that things can't get better.

I tried ads but did not like the effect at all.

After many downs over many years, I had a disasterous argument with my mother over what I was expected to do regarding the rest of my birth family (not my own one with 3 young children) After visiting the GP, trying ads, and being put on the wating list for counselling, I decided I was ill, and looked after myself accordingly (got some easy to cook nutrtious food, some chocolate, went to be early every night after a bath, OH gave me morning tea in bed).

My counsellor told me to read 'Dance of Anger' -about relationships, the relationship with my mother was my main problem and I found all the answers in there - for about a day - then moved onto other books. I read John Cleese's book by accident about families, and then got onto 'Staying Sane' by, the now disgraced, Raj Persaud. I found it very helpful about negative thought processes and how I viewed the world around me. It gave me a lot of confidence to look after myself mentally, and I feel this is when I turned a corner. It is very useful and worth the effort, if you are prepared to wade through the many pages of text with a highlighter pen.

I have recently tried HRT and have felt familiar sinking feelings of inadequacy that I have not had for many years. I have changed to one that does not have norithisterone in it and looked back at the contraceptive pills I was taking and did have some with norithisterone for a while. This may not have helped. Even though I know it is the hormone and not me, it is like having an extra hurdle to climb every day. The new pill is better.

Tanacot that was a tremendous post.

OP for me it's a combination of having all the genetic predisposition to mental illness, plus all the environmental factors required to grow the seed. So I'm changing the environmental factors, with huge effort. For me GP would be the last resort. Some mental health charities accept self-referrals for support & groups.