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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be a bit upset that my work dept let me start Mat Leave without even a goodbye card?

74 replies

BloomingOrBallooning · 03/10/2014 15:57

I've worked in the same office of approx 30 people for the last 7 years. Everyone who leaves normally gets a card and a little goodluck speech at the morning meeting, but besides mentioning that it was my last day, i've had nothing, not even an email from my manager. Even when I walked round the office to say goodbye only half the people turned round from their desks to talk.

Am i just being hormonal and silly?

I wish i hadn't bothered taking in any chocolates now!

OP posts:
LadyLuck10 · 03/10/2014 15:58

Yanbu that's really mean of them. At least a card would have been nice.

formerbabe · 03/10/2014 16:00

Yanbu!

By the way, you will barely even remember their names once your bundle of joy arrives, so sod them!

gordyslovesheep · 03/10/2014 16:00

no YANBU :( that's not nice at all is it?

LaurieFairyCake · 03/10/2014 16:02

That's really weird.

Is it a young office? I'm wondering if they haven't clicked you might not be back?

In every office I've worked in there were cards/big baby present/ lunch out in case they didn't come back (and to celebrate the pregnancy) obviously

IrianofWay · 03/10/2014 16:02

Happened to me on my last mat leave. I was really upset too. But when DS was born my boss turned up at my door with a bunch of flowers, a card signed by everyone anf 40 in vouchers for a spa. I guess the birth is the thing that is significant. Hope so anyway xx

UsuallyLurking1 · 03/10/2014 16:04

Maybe a bit YABU unless you've already had the baby?

The other people who got cards were Leaving, not maternity, based on your OP

Presumably you'll get a card, bunch of flowers, gift for baby when the baby arrives?

Unless this is getting blurred because you are going on maternity but don't intend to go back, which is a whole separate debate

GreenPetal94 · 03/10/2014 16:08

Ooooh I disagree. They should send you a card and pressie when the baby is born so they won't have done the whip around yet. It is bad luck to give the gift before the little one is born.

But if they don't give you anything after you email to say the baby is born then I agree they are crap.

Mythreeknights · 03/10/2014 16:13

Yanbu...same thing happened to me and I was really hurt. I had tried to organise a goodbye lunch but when the day arrived, my boss took me to one side and said as payday was in five days time people were grumbling about having to go out and spend a fiver on a sandwich and bowl of soup. I felt embarrassed that it was seen like that so said we should cancel and he proposed a lunch the following week (after payday) when I would be into my mat leave. So that went into the diary and I left with no fanfare, no card, no goodbye and half the team not in the office anyhow. But, I thought no matter, I will see them all at lunch next week. But the following week arrived and on the day in question I received a text from a colleague asking me if i knew my lunch had been cancelled. Of course I had no idea and was really upset but also it felt like this was always going to happen...perhaps there had been no intention of lunch. So my boss texted and said sorry, cancelled for one reason or another but what about lunch the following week. I said don't worry, no need to make a fuss and then sort of expected a card when the baby was born. Baby was born ten days later and nothing came through the letter box from work, no one mentioned it and of course, once my maternity period was up, I resigned. Best decision ever.

phantomnamechanger · 03/10/2014 16:13

what usually happens when people go on mat leave, or are you the first? TBH I would only expect any "marking of this event" now if they knew I was not coming back. If they are expecting you back, then they may well have a collection when baby is born, and expect you to bring DC in for cuddles. or perhaps you are the only one at all interested in babies.

LadyLuck10 · 03/10/2014 16:15

Mythreeknights did you resign over that? Shock

Original poster
BloomingOrBallooning · 03/10/2014 16:16

The intention is to go back next summer. Even a "thank you for all your work" would have been nice.

Ah well, i'll stop moping now and organise some cute baby outfits instead :-)

OP posts:
CarmineRose1978 · 03/10/2014 16:17

YANBU. I've been off work with a pregnancy related illness for the last six weeks, and had to start my maternity leave a month earlier than planned, and I was sad to think I wouldn't get the big fuss made of me that lots of my work friends got when they went on maternity leave. Wednesday was my last day, and aside from a couple of emails, there was no acknowledgement at all. Until this morning, when a big box full of presents arrived, fedexed from work... Could it be that you might have something on its way, OP?

wombatcheese · 03/10/2014 16:19

Yanbu, happy mat leave! My work was similar so know how you feel.

Mythreeknights · 03/10/2014 16:20

Not just over that, obviously Grin; we were moving house and a commute would have been tricky, but put it this way, being treated like that made it very easy to resign.

YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar · 03/10/2014 16:20

I worked in my last job as bar supervisor for 10 years. I was really good at it and became close to my bosses when they had a baby and I would childmind aswell as doing my normal job. I had no card or gift and the few people I managed to round up for a farewell drink in the pub next door slipped off when I was in the toilet. I was gutted.

DidoTheDodo · 03/10/2014 16:27

But you're not leaving, just going on mat leave?

I would have thought that a card when you have the baby would be more acceptable?

oohnewshoes · 03/10/2014 16:27

Yanbu. Working somewhere for 18 months when I went on mat leave with ds. Usually everyone go a card and vouchers. I got nothing.

When I returned they were doing a collection for someone else who was going on mat leave. I proclaimed loudly that I didn't think we were doing collections any more as I had nothing for ds. Lots of red faces :)

I did get something for do but it felt like making up for getting nothing for dc 1.

feelingmellow · 03/10/2014 16:28

I left my job after 18 years and never got a card from my colleagues or even a goodbye from my boss. I was really hurt as I had never done anything to upset anyone as far as i know and had always contributed to other people's collections. I walked down the road thinking '18 years of my life and nobody cares that I've left.'

MrsPiggie · 03/10/2014 16:31

I'm not sure... I think I would be annoyed. I didn't get a good bye card since I worked right until I gave birth so never said goodbye as such. But I got flowers and a card and a lovely gift when the baby was born.

Jill2015 · 03/10/2014 16:32

Aww, happy maternity leave, and all the best.
I was only thinking lately of when I left one job, and a very obvious last minute effort was made to give me flowers (from M&S, which was just down the street). Boss talked vaguely about a night out, but even as she wittered on, I knew it would never happen. And it didn't. Seven years on, I don't think it will Wink
They might yet redeem themselves, in your case, and send something when you have your baby.
Flowers YANBU. Forget about work now, and focus on the next, exciting phase about to start for you.

slightlyconfused85 · 03/10/2014 16:48

I think yabu. if you're.going on mat leave then you will be going back so why would you need a big song and.dance? . At my work they sent a card, flowers and a gift once my baby arrived

Fabulous46 · 03/10/2014 16:53

We don't make a fuss at my place of work when anyone goes on mat leave. We give a card and gift once the baby is born.

Familyguyfan · 03/10/2014 16:59

I'm an academic in a university. I've had 2 babies while employed in the same department. I have never received a card, flowers or any gift. Not even a goodbye and good luck email.

I was told only admin staff get gifts, not academics. There was sone totally ridiculous reason but i think it boiled down to the fact that most of the academics are men and therefore the idea of an academic needing maternity leave or a gift was an alien concept.

First baby, I was pretty upset, especially as my husbands company (construction) sent flowers. Second baby, couldn't have cared less!

Jackiebrambles · 03/10/2014 16:59

Seems like different offices do different things! When I left on mat leave they gave me a card and presents for the baby (gender neutral as we didn't know) and some vouchers.

When baby came they sent flowers too.

In my friends office they definitely only do whip round/ collection and pressie when baby has arrived safely (a bit of superstition there!). I'm sure they do cake and farewell though.

Your boss is shit, mine took me out for lunch on my last day too. And got me a personal present from her for the baby.

hotfuzzra · 03/10/2014 17:03

Flowers CONGRATULATIONS! Flowers
Well done for all your hard work over the last seven years! And mainly for putting up with that bunch of pricks!!
Enjoy being away for them for as long as you can!
Here is some Cake to celebrate and some Wine for after Baby gets here (or before, I'm not judging and seriously missing it myself t 32 weeks )