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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad about this

67 replies

ememem84 · 03/10/2014 06:41

Totally ready to be told it am being unreasonable. So here goes.

Yesterday was my special birthday. A bit spoiled from parents and mil. Lovely "keep forever" gifts.

Dh sent flowers to my work. No gift. No card. Despite having continuously banged on for the last month or so about how special this birthday was. No gift. On weds I was told it hadn't arrived. Yesterday I asked and was told he was going to get this that or the other but didn't. So nothing.

Aibu to expect a gift from him?

(To be clear it was his big birthday in august. And I threw him a party, bought a shiny watch etc...)

OP posts:
HolgerDanske · 03/10/2014 06:50

You are not being unreasonable at all Sad

Tell him today how disappointed you are, and make it clear that he needs to make it right.

Next year don't do anything for his birthday.

toomuchtooold · 03/10/2014 06:53

No, that would annoy me as well. My "D"H spent a significant amount of my 30th birthday watching a world cup semi final (to be fair to him we were staying in a mountain hostel and there wasn't much to do other than watch telly!) and 8 years later I'm still reminding him of it. Birthday for me, doesn't matter how much money you've got, you can manage a card, a wrapped gift (doesn't need to be diamonds) and the birthday person gets to pick dinner (and have it cooked if in the house).

Original poster
ememem84 · 03/10/2014 06:57

Glad I'm not. Thought I might be being grabby.

I'm going to buy myself something fabulous. Not sure what yet though.

OP posts:
LEMmingaround · 03/10/2014 07:01

Were the flowers not a gift then??

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 03/10/2014 07:16

Yanbu

awsomer · 03/10/2014 07:18

YANBU. Flowers are a nice gift but for a big birthday he should have acknowledged it a bit more with a card and attention.

Northernexile · 03/10/2014 07:22

I assume you were thirty (going off your user name)? I would be a bit peeved at not getting a proper gift, but I actually don't think thirty is a 'special' birthday really, so wouldn't be expecting keep forever type gifts personally. Happy birthday by the way!

toastandmarmiterocks · 03/10/2014 07:23

YANBU, so disappointing. My DH is rubbish, he is just not bothered about birthdays. I'm 40 soon, dreading it. Also, I always make the children do cards & presents, not DH ??
Go out and buy something really fabulous!

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 03/10/2014 07:23

I think having flowers sent to work is quite special. You sound quite difficult tbh

toastandmarmiterocks · 03/10/2014 07:24

Oo Sharon, that's a bit harsh

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 03/10/2014 07:25

Flowers alone are an impersonal and boring choice of gift when it is (1) from.the person who you are supposed to be closest to in the world and (2) celebrating a milestone birthday.

elvis86 · 03/10/2014 07:26

I can understand you being disappointed, but aren't you going to feel terrible if you go ape-s**the immediately, and a beautiful, thoughtful gift arrives tomorrow..?

As he's suggested that there IS a gift, is it possible that he has actually been very thoughtful but just a little disorganised..?

Secretblackandmidnighthag · 03/10/2014 07:28

That's shit in comparison with what you did for his birthday op. It takes about 5 minutes to order some flowers online; could he even be arsed to fill in the box on the order form for a personal message?

Only1scoop · 03/10/2014 07:29

Sounds like there is a gift arriving late or something ....unless he's going to whisk you away somewhere perhaps....

Hope he wasn't lying.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 03/10/2014 07:32

Since when did 30 become a 'milestone' birthday?
I couldn't remember anything I had from my 30th off anybody but tbh I was just lucky I had DH full stop after he'd just had a brain tumour

TIL3 · 03/10/2014 07:35

YANBU, 30 is a special birthday and he should've put more effort and thought into your birthday.

LadyLuck10 · 03/10/2014 07:36

Sharon that's your experience which doesn't mean everyone feels the same. Many people do think 30 is a big deal.
Yanbu op, I would have been upset too.

elvis86 · 03/10/2014 07:39

Almost everyone I know has considered their 30th birthday as a milestone.

Not that it really has anything to do with the price of fish, seeing as the OP has established that it's certainly considered a milestone in her family, and suggests that she made a fuss of her partner on his 30th.

SkinnyDipChunkyDunk · 03/10/2014 07:43

I think flowers sent to work is a lovely gift for I think that YABU (sorry).

My EX used to get me little gifts for my birthday (£20-30 maximum) and I used to get him gifts that cost a lot more (£100-300) but that is my personality. I love to spend a lot of money on gifts but my EX used to spend a fraction of what I used to but I didn't see that as a problem, I still have his gifts in my home and although they didn't cost as much as mine they mean a lot more to me than any gift I ever got him because of the sentimental value.

Original poster
ememem84 · 03/10/2014 07:47

I am torn between feeling unreasonable and sad. Yes the flowers were a gift. So maybe that was the gift. Maybe I am just being difficult.

It was more the hype. Our family (both his side and mine) have always made a big deal of "zero" birthdays as well as 21st & 18ths. I suppose I expected similar.

Making mental note to lower expectations.

OP posts:
ThinkIveBeenHacked · 03/10/2014 07:50

Grin I see 30 as a milestone birthday as its the last whole number I am actually happy to acknowledge. Young enough to still feel like I can let loose, not old enough that I feel scarily close to middle age.

Both DH and I will be celebrating our 30ths next year with gusto!

formerbabe · 03/10/2014 07:51

Yanbu..especially as it sounds like you put in a lot of effort to his birthday.

Marmiteandjamislush · 03/10/2014 07:56

I don't know. The no card thing would be really awful to me, as I prefer the nice card to a flashy gift to be honest. I have a huge file thing with all my cards/ personal letters/ drawings etc. However, some flowers can be really really expensive and sending them to work was quite a gesture. If there was no card at all to me, YANBU.

RainyLion · 03/10/2014 08:06

It's my 30th this year and I definitely consider it a milestone birthday as did DH when he turned 30 a few years ago. I would definitely be disappointed with just flowers. Are you sure he hasn't just planned a nice weekend surprise or something. I'd try not to moan at him too much until the weekend has come and gone else you will feel bad if he has got something planned. Come Monday though I think you can let rip! Grin

RainyLion · 03/10/2014 08:06

Oh yes and no card is a bit shocking tbh