To feel sad about this

[ememem84]

Totally ready to be told it am being unreasonable. So here goes.

Yesterday was my special birthday. A bit spoiled from parents and mil. Lovely "keep forever" gifts.

Dh sent flowers to my work. No gift. No card. Despite having continuously banged on for the last month or so about how special this birthday was. No gift. On weds I was told it hadn't arrived. Yesterday I asked and was told he was going to get this that or the other but didn't. So nothing.

Aibu to expect a gift from him?

(To be clear it was his big birthday in august. And I threw him a party, bought a shiny watch etc...)

No midnite he banged on about how special it was. Not me.

-midnite- he banged on about how special this birthday was. Not me.

I've explained how I felt. He's said he's sorry.

I bought myself something lovely with the overtime money I've earned this month.

He clicked the mouse four times to buy you those flowers and sent them to work so that everyone would think he was great. He didn't do anything thoughtful or anything which would take up a bit of his time and imagination. It's all the worse because you threw him a party (which takes a hell of a lot of time and effort) and bought him an expensive watch (which takes a lot of money and effort getting the right thing.)

What's he like usually? He sounds very selfish; does this manifest itself in everyday life?

Wow, I just can't get over how many people think 30 is a big birthday!

18, 21, 40 - yes
Any others - just no

Well I didnt celebrate my 18th or 21st, so yes to me 30 was a big birthday.

Harold so only 18,21& 40? my great aunt is 100 next month, i'll tell her you said not to bother with a fuss because it's not a big birthday!

Most people would class 30 as a special one, hence the availability of 30 based party apparel, I've never seen balloons with 26 or 32 on them!
Anyway this isn't the point is it, they both acknowledged it was a special one and he disappointed her.

Why 40 and not 30? Why not 50, too? Or 60?

Funny that the OP's husband celebrated his own 30th in style but doesn't see that his wife should do the same. Or not if it means any effort from him.

OP yanbu or grabby at all!
im 30 in jan and not holding much hope of anything off OH. It also lands on a saturday and the footy team he supports play man city that day so id imagine that comes first.
been together 6years, he is actually lovely but hes never made any special effort for my bday, i make a special effort on his bday every year and took him on a weeks holiday for his last special bday! its not that i expect that at all, and im not grabby.... i earn my own money and if i want something ill buy it myself but id just like something special that i can remember he gave to me.
so i know how you feel, its nice for the special person in your life to make some effort, put some thought into something, i mean god if your MIL can make an effort to find something special for you then why cant he!!

OP yanbu or grabby at all!
im 30 in jan and not holding much hope of anything off OH. It also lands on a saturday and the footy team he supports play man city that day so id imagine that comes first.
been together 6years, he is actually lovely but hes never made any special effort for my bday, i make a special effort on his bday every year and took him on a weeks holiday for his last special bday! its not that i expect that at all, and im not grabby.... i earn my own money and if i want something ill buy it myself but id just like something special that i can remember he gave to me.
so i know how you feel, its nice for the special person in your life to make some effort, put some thought into something, i mean god if your MIL can make an effort to find something special for you then why cant he!!

Flowers sent to work are awful at the best of times, never mind on a birthday that he knew you wanted a bit of a fuss about.
I'd be mad at them going to my place of work never mind anything else!

This isn't really about if the rest of us think a 30th is a 'big' birthday to be marked in a special way or not. I too am surprised, it never was in my day

This isn't about if the rest of us think having a bouquet of flowers arrive at work is nice or not I have to say I think that's rather nice

This isn't about if any of us think it's important to have some particular present to unwrap on the day or not I don't, dh and I only get things when there's something we actually want, neither of us like money being wasted on things we either want nor need

It's about the fact that the OP clearly likes to have a present to unwrap on the day, and, if they've known each other long enough to be married, then the OP's dh probably ought to know, and respond to this.

FFS, some men just can't win. I'd love to get flowers sent to my work!

Anything divisible by 10 is a big birthday! (Except 20.)

I agree that flowers are a no-effort present (unlike books, CDs, jewellery and perfume, which are all things you have to put some effort or thought into), and sunflowers and gerberas are hardly in the league of a dozen red roses. So I would say yanbu.

I always think flowers sent to work have a ring of "aren't I great, doing something so public" about them. Sometimes they're more about the sender then the receiver. My ex used to send a dozen red roses every valentines to my work, all the women at work thought he was great and when he came to pick me up he lapped up the attention. He was in fact an arsehole.

As a PP said, he clicked a mouse four times and typed in his credit card number. Doesn't take any thought or effort.

YANBU, especially after what you did for his birthday and the build up he gave to yours.

Harold, it's not really about what you'd like, though, is it?