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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that far too many MN'ers see this AIBU section as some sort of competition to see who can be the rudest to the OP?

59 replies

plentyavino · 02/10/2014 20:52

Been on and off MN for about 5 years now.

Can never seem to stay on it for longer than a few months because the insults and disrespect shown to some OP's, some of whom have genuine questions and concerns, irritates me so much.

Some of the comments are so blunt and inconsiderate is unreal.

'You've GOT to be joking' - why? Because you don't agree with what the OP is saying?

It seems like folk like to hide behind their keyboards and use this as a way to mouth off.

I'm quite sure some the hardcore regulars will now be telling me to go and use NetMums as apparently they aren't as........blunt shall we say?

OP posts:
HoneyDragonMumshnet · 02/10/2014 21:30
PacificDogwood · 02/10/2014 21:31

Are they called 'Balonz', HoneyDragon?

Bluetone · 02/10/2014 21:31

The "tell it like it is" attitude is just a load of crap.

It's like people in RL claiming to be "real" and straight to the point.

No, you're just fucking rude and nasty.

Mintyy · 02/10/2014 21:32

I'm an extremely hard and very old regular but even I'm tired of the why don't you fuck off to Netmums cliche. It's very trite.

wooooosualsuspect · 02/10/2014 21:34

Why don't you challenge on the threads?

PacificDogwood · 02/10/2014 21:34

I think 'tell it like it is' IS possible without being rude.
Being rude is being rude.
Here and in RL.

HoneyDragonMumshnet · 02/10/2014 21:35

I've had some lovely AIBUs, so they can be nice. My favourite was the one that borned Spoonyfuckers everywhere.

Even the self confessed Spoonyfuckers didn't get any advice.

I've nearly hunted all them all down now and stolen their spoons and cooker knobs now

Well they're called Balonz now PDog Grin

HoneyDragonMumshnet · 02/10/2014 21:38

*advice.....Abuse.

Obviously a thread advising spoonfuckers how to commit Spoonfuckery would be a terrible idea.

I also liked the AIBU where the op wanted to know whether they give her dp's dinner to her dp's best mate and everyone told her just to shag the best mate Grin

So they aren't all bad.

GloomBands · 02/10/2014 21:39

There's having a difference of opinion and then there's being a complete arsehole to someone. AIBU tends to veer towards the latter of late, IMO.

LifesUPandLifesDOWN · 02/10/2014 21:43

YANBU. I think the first few posters set the tone of the thread. If their rude and nasty then the sheep tend to follow the crowd. But, if the first few are polite then when a rude person comes along they tend to get "told off"

Also depends on the AIBU, some people deserve a flaming lol

Original poster
plentyavino · 02/10/2014 21:43

I don't challenge on the threads because in all honesty I don't feel like I would have the energy to argue on a continual basis. I'm far too lazy to commit to a lengthy debate discussion.

OP posts:
hugefatso · 02/10/2014 21:45

YANBU

PacificDogwood · 02/10/2014 21:45

I have been known to 'sniper challenge' - make my point and then run Grin

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/10/2014 21:45

Some do descend into utter shit. Those are the ones where you have to get your big girl pants on and say what you think. I do sometimes, then there is a round of thanks for saying that MrsTP or 'fuck off you're an idiot' but tant pis. People don't like to stick their head above the parapet and that's how you get weird threads where everybastard agrees and pillories the OP.

If you see people bullying OP, disagree.

Isabeller · 02/10/2014 21:46

I'm not sure that it's "far too many" and AIBU can be very helpful if you are genuinely trying to work something out and can take a few robust comments.

It is a shame when people get nasty.

Good not to be over regulated though...

Do you like NetMums? Are they sharp?

AF as usual asks the incisive question - neither blunt nor sharp

Sorry I'm being silly - tired and avoiding doing stuff. You're not being totally U in your wish for more niceness but there's so much more than AIBU in MN where you will find plenty of kind, considerate and helpful threads.

manicinsomniac · 02/10/2014 21:46

Compared to some sites (not parenting ones) I've been a member of mumsnet is fluffy bunnies and rainbows! It's all relative.

I've seen threads where the whole point/'game' was to slag off another member without naming them so that other posters could guess who was being talked about!! - and that wasn't the nastiest thing that happened on that forum either.

I think on balance YABU. I love being able to speak my mind without repercussions - I'm a wuss in real life!

Cherrypi · 02/10/2014 21:48

I think often the OPs want a fight though. It's an odd place to ask for advice.

Original poster
plentyavino · 02/10/2014 21:49

I tried the forums on NetMums a few years back but never really took to it. Not sure if it was the layout of their website or something plus the threads I read were awfy boring.

OP posts:
YoYoYooooo · 02/10/2014 21:51

I think some posters enjoy trying to upset OPs. I'm often surprised at how unpleasant posters can be. I often disagree with OPs but Im not nasty about it.

I wish we could have a hide poster function.

OP. YANBU

(Lol, it's funny how some posters are trying to misrepresent your OP - mock outrage!!)

SaucyJack · 02/10/2014 21:56

What's wrong with being an arsehole anyway? I like arguing about stuff I don't care about with people I don't know- and so do plenty of others round here clearly.

We all know what AIBU is for, and as long as it's kept to here I don't really see the problem.

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 02/10/2014 21:57

No op I think respectfully that's crapWink

Seriously time and again posters who are obviously in need get real and supportive help

Posters who post on aibu,and then get pissed off when told that they are, and won't take on anyone else's opinion, piss me off because why ask!

There are a fair amount of trolls and goady fuckers who post for a fight.

Some subjects are dynamite. P&C parking spaces and cat poo are great fun. Grin

petswinprizes · 02/10/2014 21:58

YABU, it's the nature of the beast - come on here, ask 'AIBU' get told yes because (blah blah blah) and suddenly 'everyone's being horrible to the OP'. Maybe it's just because they are being very unreasonable, and they suspected it, hence they asked on AIBU ........ repeat ad nauseum

Spindarella · 02/10/2014 22:00

I don't think rudeness is limited to just responses to the OP.

I actually find it funny when someone gets all arsey with me - as if I care! Yeah, disagree with me by all means but the horrified "you have GOT to be kidding? That is RIDICULOUS" just makes me roll my eyes. I also make it a rule not to respond more than 3 times to someone with an entrenched position - waste of both of our energy.

I do have fairly thick skin though. I can see why anyone more sensitive would feel aggrieved.

PacificDogwood · 02/10/2014 22:02

I like arguing about stuff I don't care about with people I don't know- and so do plenty of others round here clearly.

Yes, clearly.

I don't like arguing for arguing's sake.

AlpacaLypse · 02/10/2014 22:06

Haven't read full thread, but I would like to say that whenever I encounter a new user I advise them to lurk for at least six months before even contemplating posting anywhere in AIBU, let alone starting a thread there.