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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pack my 12 year old twin son's bags and dump them at the SS office?

76 replies

UpInTheAirAgain · 02/10/2014 17:54

Lighthearted not.

Really either they are going to kill each other, cause me a heart attack, or I will cause them irreparable damage by strangling them.

They are adult sized with feet to match and enjoy kicking 10 barrels of shit out of each other. They hate each other and unfortunately as they have to live with each and share a room and go to and from school together, there is no escape for either of them from each other.

They also won't sleep until midnight most nights so we start the day with pubescent high pitched squealing that they want to stay in bed, they won't get dressed unless they are told 20 million times, 'forget' to brush teeth, hair, pack bags, put PE kits in bags, clean shoes and lets not mention all the stuff they lose at school - football boots, swimming kits, lunch cards, locker keys and I have to pay for replacements. Add to that all the detentions they get for being late and not doing their homework which makes me feel like a shit mother.

At home, they are utter soap dodging, insolent nightmares unless they are connected to an electrical device.

To think that I gave up my career to stay at home with them for 6 years as we could not afford the fees for them to be in full time nursery and after school care for our older DC and I could not bear to leave them. I am an utter mess with the stress as we have never had any family support.

I do love them wholeheartedly but I have just had ENOUGH! Advice on how to get them to adulthood alive appreciated!

OP posts:
mutternutter · 02/10/2014 17:57

Well my D's nearly 12 so feel for you. The only difference is I don't have him in stereoGrin

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/10/2014 17:57

OK, two things stand out for me. One, violence is NOT to be tolerated. Absolute no tolerance, immediate loss of all privileges. The other is what are they doing until midnight? If it's electronics, switch everything off. No TVs in room, no WiFi password. Teens need masses of sleep or they are a bloody nightmare...

IamOldGregg · 02/10/2014 18:02

Shit. I thought my 4 year old was hard work! Grin Good luck OP!!!

formerbabe · 02/10/2014 18:02

My kids are younger so haven't had to deal with this yet...but was wondering if they do any activities after school? Boys seem to have never ending energy..have you thought about martial arts classes to help channel their energy and aggression exhaust them ?

bloodyteenagers · 02/10/2014 18:05

What consequences are you giving them for loosing various objects. And what are they doing until midnight?

furcoatbigknickers · 02/10/2014 18:07

Op that sounds a nightmare. No advice im afraid. I have a nearly 13 year old so can ynderstand a tiny bit.Thanks

PotsAndCambert · 02/10/2014 18:09

A few things they spring to mind.

If they are awake until midnight, they are likely to be exhausted, hence the forgetting, not thinking and can't get up in the am. Also the reason why for the high irritability.
You really need to put your foot down on that one.

Second, violence should NEVER be tolerated. Even little things.
Find a way to bring the message home, and stick to it.

Also exercise is a good way to calm people down and would give them the opportunity not to be together for a bit. Is there anything that they like to do?

Idontseeanysontarans · 02/10/2014 18:09

If it's any comfort at all my DS went through pretty much the same stage at the same age. He would actually factor detentions into his day at one stage despite interventions by the school and us - it was almost as if he didn't care what happened to him, his family or his school life. He was also an aggressive mess who was attached/obsessed with computers.
Utterly shit year that was. Having it twice over must be awful ThanksWine
On the up side he is a damn site better now. He started the school year in all of the bottom sets because he dicked around in class so much last year they didn't know that he's actually a pretty smart lad - he's moved up in Maths and English already.
I still don't know what caused his behaviour to become so bad, he's nearly 14 now and has settled down massively. Puberty had a negative affect on him, that I do know, outside influences/peer pressure also didn't help - we had to encourage him to end a couple of friendships that didn't help him.
Sorry for the essay but it's a tough age and I bet loads of us here will he able to understand up to a point!
Oh, YANBU, many was the time I was tempted to stick my little darling in the garage!

DiaDuit · 02/10/2014 18:12

Get them into separate sporting clubs/teams for after school. They will expend lots of energy and be too tired to fight and will appreciate the time away from each other, they'll probably sleep earlier too but you need to remove all electronics and impose some sanctions for violence and bad behaviour.

Dee03 · 02/10/2014 18:13

I know exactly how you feel....my 11 and 15 year old act exactly the same day in day out......no words of wisdom from me I'm afraid Hmm

deakymom · 02/10/2014 18:18

sorry my nan is dead so i can't ask her how she coped with 6 boys the youngest two were twins (my dad and my uncle) she did rule them with an iron fist and to her dying day her word was law!

sports clubs for energy separate if possible if they soap dodge too much send them swimming (swimming lessons?) at least they will have a good scrub once a week! Grin

yank all the electrics return for short periods remove if they fight again they are at school all day shove the lot in the loft and have a "this is going to change" conversation

LeftRightCentre · 02/10/2014 18:18

The OP already said they are in football and swimming.

msrisotto · 02/10/2014 18:19

May I second advice to get them involved in martial arts - it's heavy on respect and will get them out of your hair help them burn off some energy which might help them sleep earlier too.

Cerisier · 02/10/2014 18:21

Oh dear OP I do feel for you all. It sounds like the twins need some space from each other and a better routine. Do they get enough exercise? Could you divide the room in two with curtains or thin dividers?

Do they get attention from you and DH on their own at all? They are of an age where long walks and chats with one of you would be beneficial. Do you all eat together as a family and discuss your days?

My teens are older and we make sure they get lots of individual attention and we all sit and talk a lot as a family. I know they feel listened to and respected. It is hard work getting to this stage though, I can't pretend it happened over night.

Username12345 · 02/10/2014 18:22

What was the discipline, routine thus far?
And what responsibilities did you give them?

DiaDuit · 02/10/2014 18:25

The OP already said they are in football and swimming.

And? Confused

LeftRightCentre · 02/10/2014 18:29

So they are getting exercise.

DiaDuit · 02/10/2014 18:29

So they cant do more/ a different type/after school/separate sports?

Finola1step · 02/10/2014 18:33

Martial arts or boxing to give them an outlet and some sf discipline.

Remove the gadgets.

Finola1step · 02/10/2014 18:34

Self not sf

knickernicker · 02/10/2014 18:40

Supernanny?

morethanpotatoprints · 02/10/2014 18:42

Hello OP

I knew some twins exactly the same and they did nearly kill each other, both ended up in a&e, with the same amount of injuries.
They were 16/17 at the time.
Their mum told me she remedied it by not letting them near each other for a while, like you would with naughty children.
They ate separately, although at same school they travelled differently and with own friends. They soon got to ignoring one another and eventually they realised they were lonely. She said there were no problems after this. She seemed to think it was a permanent competition between the two and once this was removed and they had to become their own person and not an extension of the other, the problem was solved.
Good luck.

Original poster
UpInTheAirAgain · 02/10/2014 18:43

What do they do until midnight? Well the shower calls start at around 8pm after youngest DC is in bed. This starts with 'x shower please' then at around 9pm denigrates into ' get in the fucking shower NOW'. In this time they will mooning/standing off to each other around the house if the electrics have been removed which they generally have. From 10pm onwards it's 'go to bed' denigrating into 'get to bloody bed'. They will both be up and down the stairs having 'forgotten' something or wanting a drink or a snack and you can get the general theme of my response! They have learnt most of hiding places for the iPad, laptops etc and I cannot believe I am in a position of actually having to dream up new ones.

They have even 'pick pocketed' their phones out my pockets on the pretence of giving me a hug FFS!

I have forced them into the air cadets to hopefully instil some respect into them. They can't be 'bovverred' to do any other activities outside of school. They do plenty of after-school activities separately.

TV has been out if their room since they started back at school.

They have just had another ruckus over DTS1 not flushing the loo which DTS2 found and then proclaimed DTS 1 as a disgusting, ugly scumbag.

I need to get a water pistol I think like they do with cats?

Older DD has already driven me to distraction with her drama queen tantrums. I can't take much more honestly!

DH is hands on but tends to lose his rag a lot with them especially when they make him late for work as he drops them off.

OP posts:
GerbilsAteMyCat · 02/10/2014 18:45

Extreme, but can you split them up in school? One in one school one in the other? Pain in the arse I know. My dad is one of twin boys and he said separate secondary schooling is why they didn't kill each other.

GerbilsAteMyCat · 02/10/2014 18:46

Ooo or turn the wifi off/ change the password!

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