Do you and your partner know each others' email passwords or would you rather no one knew except for you?

[textingdisaster]

Hi

Just wondering what other people do. H rang me from work asking me to do some things on the computer for him - he does some computer programming and one of his customers' websites has gone down.

In the process of trying to fix it, it transpires that he has forgotten the associated password. I then entered his email address in the "forgotten your password" section and a message popped up saying a link had been sent to his inbox.

H then said that he would try and access his email account (presumably from his phone) and then phone me back. I said I could access his inbox from home (and the computer I am currently using ) if h gave me his email password.

H immediately said no no, he doesn't want someone in his email. I said why not and he could change his password again later if he was so worried. Again he said no. So he is supposedly going to ring me back to carry on doing what I need to do for him on the computer when he has got into his email.

I feel hurt but then again there is not much about our very conflicted relationship that doesn't make me feel hurt these days!

DP and I know each other's passwords and access codes for phones, emails, various online accounts, bank details etc but wouldn't dream of looking unless asked to by the other....have nothing to hide but equally trust each other completely so there's no need to snoop

is it a laptop

take it to one of those computer places and tell them you've forgotten your password

I think you need to see them emails before he starts deleting stuff

sounds vvv fishy to me

We have some of each others passwords, but not all. I could probably guess the ones that I don't have.

We don't know each other's PIN numbers though.

Not sure why people would expect to know passwords for their partner's work email though. Appreciate it's not the case if e.g. you have your own business, but at my current (and previous) employer, giving someone else your password is a disciplinary offence. Not sure why my DP would need my work emails anyway, unless he wanted to read lots of tedious stuff pertaining to programme delivery in financial services

Home emails and phones we both have each others. Work, we don't, since I think it is in both our contracts that we would face disciplinary action...

However, there is a bigger issue here. Being treated as an employee; good enough to help, not good enough for trust. The word 'someone' would have irked me. What is your financial situation like? Because, apart from the OW worries, I'd be worried he is hiding wither debt or trying to leave and hiding assets.

i know them all and what i dont know i can usually guess as he uses the same ones just switches them up a bit

As a PP, our main email account is shared. The only reason we have separate email addresses that also download to the PC is for job websites, insurance etc that require individual email accounts when registering. That said, those email accounts all have the same password anyway!

Nobody knows my passwords, pin, logins etc except me. I got hacked about 2 years ago and it made me feel truly violated. So nobody has access to my emails or accounts except me.

However I am happy for my DH to look through my Facebook or email when I've logged it in to show him something, and vice versa. We have separate friend groups and contacts whom we talk to on an individual basis, so sometimes he'll have a look at what so-and-so has written to me, to feel included. He's never logged on without my permission to anything though, and vice versa

Sorry I haven't yet rtft, but my immediate reaction was to wonder what he wants to hide. It may be that he's just a private person, which you will already know.

My dp is completely open about phone messages, emails etc, often leaves himself logged on when using my computer or iPad, even my DCs know some of his passwords.

However, while I am happy for him to see any messages or emails etc, I do sometimes have a moan on her or Facebook (private groups) and I'd be upset if he saw any of those messages, mainly because I know it would upset him and it is probably past history by now, so irrelevant.

I also use the same pin for lots of things, from banking to TV viewing, so if if he knows one of my codes, he'll know them all. Now I trust him completely, but as he's so open with his personal info, he won't think twice about saying my pass codes out loud and may well tell my DCs, or his, who may not be quite so discriminating about using them! As it happens he knows the corresponding letters to use on the Sky box as it spells a handy word, but can't remember which 4 numbers it is when he doesn't have the controller in front of him!

We know each other's PINs and passwords for everything.

I think to would be a pretty strange relationship if we were secretive about anything.

I have no interest in looking at his phone, bank account or e-mails and vice versa, but could if I needed to.

Open about these things, but we both have to ask each time as neither of us remember each others. I can barely get my own ones correct, let alone someone else's.

I don't know DH's and he doesn't know mine - doesn't want to know. I would tell him mine if necessary, but i would rather not, and I wouldn't want him to read any of my emails (not that I think he would, but the principle is there )- I wouldn't like anyone to read them, I agree with pp it is like reading a private diary.

We know each others pass codes on phone but not email passwords. However would give to each other in those circumstances, I think. If we need to look at each other's phones we ask permission first. My dh and I have same iPhone account and a blip happened which meant we saw each other's texts, so he warned me not to send anything he might not want to see! Meaning don't moan about me to your mates, I will see it! Maybe same kind of thing with your dh and emails?

I would not want anyone in my emails, even my husband, and I have nothing to hide that would ruin our marriage.

I write long emails to friends in other countries and I would know it would cause needless arguments if DH saw how I recounted things that happened in our daily life to friends and the emphasis I put on some things over others. DH is very into privacy and minimum discussion of our life (even stuff that is innocuous like what colour we're decorating our kitchen.) I am more open and my openness occasionally causes arguments.

I also have the occasional grumble about DH to my friends over email, and I know he wouldn't like that - even though nothing I've written would be a deal break.

Also I wouldn't want him looking at emails from before we were together. There is about 15 years of history in my gmail account. Emails from ex-boyfriends that I haven't kept deliberately, but due to the sheer volume and time-period of communication, I haven't really had the time to sort out.

Sometimes I also do creative writing and my therapist sets me some writing foals, and rather than keep it on a computer, I send it to myself over email. I would be mortified if somebody read the random ramblings of my brain and my attempts to be creative!

We know each others passwords, check each other texts, emails, Facebook, etc. Not in a spying way, more in a "Oh Harold, just see who that text was from will you?" kind of way.

DH and I don't know each others' passwords, phone codes or PINs. We keep our computer devices locked with PINs/passwords and we don't know each others'. And he doesn't know the usernames I use on any internet forum! He has to have particularly secure settings as his email/phone is linked to his work, otherwise I don't think he'd be bothered, he's generally an open book.

I'm much more protective of my privacy and don't even like him looking over my shoulder when I'm writing emails. He wouldn't find anything surprising in there, I'm just very private about these things. It would have to be a very extreme emergency for me to allow him access (probably involving life or death) otherwise I'd always choose to control access to my email and other devices myself. In the situation in the OP I'd probably choose the same option as the OP's DH.

We have separate passwords; I have nothing to hide but I have a system for my passwords, so if I told him one, he would know them for everything. And this is something you shouldn't do. No one should know your passwords, and for me that means no one at all. We have a joint email account for family stuff and a joint bank account.

I think the difference between people like me and DH who just have a min email address that anyone in the family can access and people like hugefatso is that we use email inn different ways.
Ours tends to be for practical reasons, ( confirmation of orders, buying tickets etc)
It would never occur to me to have a conversation with someone via email and certainly not talk about grumbles.

Nothing wrong with that, just different ways of doing things.

We don't know each other's passwords but have no desire too. There is nothing of any interest in my emails and I know there isn't in my DHs email. We would have no interest in reading each other's mail.

In the OPs situation I'm sure my DH would just give me his password.

I know all DH's. Mainly so I can sort out any problems

He doesn't have any of mine. Mainly because I sort out my own problems.

The only slight reason I don't think I'd be entirely happy with DH having my email password is he doesn't know about my forum addiction . I'd hate for him to see a notification and come snooping investigating.

We know each others and leave our email accounts open on the computer. I have nothing to hide and I don't think he has either. His emails are frankly so boring that I would never bother reading them!