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AIBU?

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Original poster

Do you and your partner know each others' email passwords or would you rather no one knew except for you?

95 replies

textingdisaster · 02/10/2014 11:53

Hi

Just wondering what other people do. H rang me from work asking me to do some things on the computer for him - he does some computer programming and one of his customers' websites has gone down.

In the process of trying to fix it, it transpires that he has forgotten the associated password. I then entered his email address in the "forgotten your password" section and a message popped up saying a link had been sent to his inbox.

H then said that he would try and access his email account (presumably from his phone) and then phone me back. I said I could access his inbox from home (and the computer I am currently using Hmm) if h gave me his email password.

H immediately said no no, he doesn't want someone Hmm in his email. I said why not and he could change his password again later if he was so worried. Again he said no. So he is supposedly going to ring me back to carry on doing what I need to do for him on the computer when he has got into his email.

I feel hurt but then again there is not much about our very conflicted relationship that doesn't make me feel hurt these days!

OP posts:
Mitzimaybe · 02/10/2014 14:29

No, my DP and I don't have each others' passwords. But in the circumstances you describe, (where you were doing him a favour) I'd expect him to give me his password. I'd give him mine, if it were the other way round. But I'd probably change it afterwards. Not everything has to be shared. We don't open each others' post either. We trust each other.

With the way you've described the situation, though, I'd be very suspicious. There's definitely something in that email account he doesn't want you to see. Who knows, it could be something nice like he's arranging a surprise party for you or buying a special Christmas present for you. But I think you should trust your instincts on this.

flipchart · 02/10/2014 14:34

Even my kids know my pass words and one of my PIN numbers

Good luck in the argument with your bank if you ever have suspected fraud on your account.

It's an account I set up for them to use with no overdraft facility and I only keep about £100 for them to use on love film, buying apps or whatever.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 02/10/2014 14:36

Yes, we know each other's passwords. In fact DH often calls me to ask me what his password for something or other is because he has a shocking memory Grin.

No passcodes on phones either. And we each know how to get into the other's online banking if we really wanted to.

Oakmaiden · 02/10/2014 14:38

I'm not sure I know my email passwords...

Ilovexmastime · 02/10/2014 14:43

Yes, we know all of each others passwords for everything. We also share our bank cards so know each others pins too. I also know my brother's password and my dad's, not that that's got anything to do with it...

jollygoodthen · 02/10/2014 14:43

I actually prefer she knows my passwords because sometimes I forget or lose them and she has a better memory.

PS. No, I'm not married to WellnowImFucked.

calculatorsatdawn · 02/10/2014 14:46

Does sound a bit odd. We don't know each others passwords but generally one of us is signed in when you open up so I guess we ccould look if we wamted to. I don't look at his emails and he probably doesn't look at mine. But in the circumstances you describe I would give him my password and vice versa. I'd be quite suspicious if dp point refused after asking for a favour

LittleBairn · 02/10/2014 14:49

My DH and I do not know each others passwords, its never occurred to me to ask for his. Just because you are married it doesn't mean you give your right up to privacy.

flipchart · 02/10/2014 14:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DustyCropHopper · 02/10/2014 14:58

I know all of dh's passwords, but he doesn't know mine. This is not because I don't want him to have them, but because he can barely remember his own, let alone mine! I also regularly access his emails as they are linked up to the iPad and is the email to contact his customers, a job I do.

jollygoodthen · 02/10/2014 15:01

Of course you have a right to privacy, but just because she knows my password doesn't mean she's going to be reading my mail. When you have trust, privacy comes naturally.

Ilovexmastime · 02/10/2014 15:02

Just what I was going to say Jolly!

ElephantsNeverForgive · 02/10/2014 15:05

Don't have passwords .
Both our desk top machines are frequently left with email open on the screen

writtenguarantee · 02/10/2014 15:06

we know each other's passwords. we only use it when necessary. I don't check DP's email without telling usually.

Bulbasaur · 02/10/2014 15:09

DH knows my passwords, I think. I know most of his. I don't particularly care and neither does he.

I wouldn't want him poking in my email though, because if he opened an email that wasn't marked as read, I'd forget to open it and might miss something important. But as far as privacy goes, there's nothing on there to hide.

AdoraBell · 02/10/2014 15:10

DH tells me all his passwords but he doesn't have mine. I'm a more private person than he is and his bloody parents have a "let's all live in each others pockets" approach to life which makes me feel invaded. So I can't think of any reason I would tell him, but I can't imagine ever having the situation you describe OP with him doing me the favour.

Doesn't always mean there is something to hide.

WalkingWolf · 02/10/2014 15:12

I know DPs but he doesn't have mine. I have trust issues.

jinnybag · 02/10/2014 15:16

we both have each others as we have a spreadsheet with all our passwords listed ( also password protected from the kids!)

I need it as I forget passwords.. he just likes to have everything documented (especially my passwords as I'm so forgetful!) I also know his phone pin and bank pins and vice versa.

BeachyKeen · 02/10/2014 15:28

We both have each others passwords for everything, except for his work stuff. He is military, so there is good reason for that!Grin
It works for us, we have a solid relationship, and both have confidence in the other.
I don't think it is the solution for everyone though.
Privacy is super important.

thegreylady · 02/10/2014 15:34

We share everything, passwords, bank accounts,our bed, our dc, our dgc in fact our lives. If anyone wants to tell one of us a secret we don't want to know if the other is excluded (except things like presents etc). We do do things separately but have no secrets at all.

Phalenopsis · 02/10/2014 15:34

I have my husband's but he doesn't have mine not because of any sinister reason. Just that he hasn't asked for them to access my email a/c for any reason. I'd give him them if he asked and told me why he wanted them.

I think OP, this goes beyond email passwords. I'd be quite upset that if my husband saw me as 'someone'.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 02/10/2014 15:42

We don't actually know them but wouldn't hesitate to tell if necessary and we both have the accounts accessible and open most of the time on the home computer without a PW being needed, mine in Apple mail and his in Outlook. We can also access each other's FB without pws and I never log out of MN. But we both respect them and don't go prying.

Chachah · 02/10/2014 15:48

we don't know each other's passwords, although we both regularly leave our laptops with gmail open for everyone to see, so definitely not for sinister reasons.

I'm not really comfortable with sharing my password with anyone, including my husband. I also don't like lending my phone. It's my private world, and mine only. There's nothing horrible in there, but I do have my secret garden - forums I write in, emails to friends, etc.

Oddly enough I have absolutely no problem sharing bank accounts. To me it's a completely different issue.

desperatedoll · 02/10/2014 15:55

We know each others passwords for computers and emails etc and have no locks on phones. But that's not so we can go on each others things and look. It's handy In the car if we're reading a txt out or if I use his laptop while he's at work but it's not a privacy thing. I'd ask him outright what he doesn't want you to see. Though if he's techy he will have deleted it by now anyway

CrayolaCocaColaRocknRolla · 02/10/2014 16:36

I don't have my DPs but he has mine, i don't need it. He gets his new phone soon however, and I won't like it if he has a passcode, it makes it seem like he has something to hide. I know he doesn't but it makes me feel kinda sick