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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put dd on contraception?

60 replies

SublimeCorpse · 30/09/2014 21:16

Dd is 15 and her bf is 17.

If I take her to the Gp for contraception am I being sensible, or encouraging underage sex?

OP posts:
waithorse · 30/09/2014 21:17

Sensible. Though all mine are primary school aged at the moment, so I don't know much about teenagers.

Trills · 30/09/2014 21:19

Have you talked to her about it? What does she think?

Clearlymisunderstood · 30/09/2014 21:19

Speak to her, I put myself on contraception with my first serious boyfriend. Told my mum after I'd already done it Smile

ilovepowerhoop · 30/09/2014 21:20

I think you have to speak to her first. you can't make her take something she doesnt want to

Jennco · 30/09/2014 21:20

I would do it if mine had a boyfriend, I dont think it encourages sex and would rather be safe and nothing happens. However, if you are purely using it to prevent pregnancy, you need to go on (and on and on :D ) about using a condom to prevent unwanted diseases as well :(

Jennco · 30/09/2014 21:21

** goes without saying, I think, that only if she wants too!

Mandatorymongoose · 30/09/2014 21:22

Better safe than sorry.

waithorse · 30/09/2014 21:23

Oh, I did mean speak to her first. You can't do it unless she agrees

waithorse · 30/09/2014 21:23

Oh, I did mean speak to her first. You can't do it unless she agrees

waithorse · 30/09/2014 21:23

Oh, I did mean speak to her first. You can't do it unless she agrees

waithorse · 30/09/2014 21:23

Oh, I did mean speak to her first. You can't do it unless she agrees

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 30/09/2014 21:30

I'd speak to her about it first. I think waithorse may agree...

But seriously, what does she want to do?

Aherdofmims · 30/09/2014 21:32

Totally depends on what is going on in the relationship, what she has said to you about it, what you have observed etc. plus she needs to agree.

Just the fact of a boyfriend does not mean she is planning to have sex or that she will. I had lots of boyfriends when I was that age but didn't sleep with one of them until I was 19 because I didn't actually want to.

MisForMumNotMaid · 30/09/2014 21:32

Sensible.

But i think you can only lead a horse to water...Shes a young adult.

There are so many options and reasons to have contraception. One of the very first things I did when I left home to go to Uni was to go on the pill. Not for sexual activity issues (used condoms for that when I became more active) but because I'd always suffered from crippling heavy periods and it effected and restricted me for one week a month. My mum hit the roof when I went home at Xmas and she went through my things (serious boundary issues). Only for my older sister to go and do the same imediately after for the same reasons.

Now post three DC I have a coil and no complications or periods (yeh!)

I don't think contraception causes promisquity but it is worth discussing all the options available and pluses and minuses with them all. Is the GP the right place to go or is there a nurse or health practitioner who deals with these discussions who might be more in touch with all the options?

maras2 · 30/09/2014 21:34

In 1968 I was 15 and very much in love with my boyfriend.My mum asked if we were having sex and although we weren't just then, it was about to happen.She took me to our family GP and gave consent ( as was required then ) for him to prescribe the pill.We're still together 45 years on and have DC's and DGC's all planned thanks to my mum.

Original poster
SublimeCorpse · 30/09/2014 21:40

Thanks for your replies.

I've discussed sex with her over the years and have always told her that if she needs contraception to come to me and I will help her in whichever way I can - arranging appointments, going through options, accompanying her if she wants me to.

This is her first proper relationship and at the weekend we had a relaxed chat - I told her that she is below the age of consent etc and reiterated that should she choose to have sex before she's 16 she mustn't let that put her off of coming to me or going somewhere to sort reliable contraception out. Condoms are a given regardless of her contraception, discussed STI's etc.

After a chat with a friend with kids the same age, she feels that I'm encouraging dd to have sex. I see it as helping her to protect herself and her bf.

OP posts:
flicktuck · 30/09/2014 21:44

If they are going to be using condoms + spermicidal gel , why does she need to go on the pill or whatever it is you have planned for her?

Original poster
SublimeCorpse · 30/09/2014 21:47

Flick, I don't have anything "planned" for her.

I want her to be as protected against pregnancy as she can be. Condoms aren't 100% effective.

If you read my post I said that I want to help her choose the best contraceptive option for her.

OP posts:
LeftRightCentre · 30/09/2014 21:47

They will push the injection, implant or coil, probably. I wouldn't want my teen daughter on any of those.

Altinkum · 30/09/2014 21:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Purplepoodle · 30/09/2014 22:04

I would just ask her if she would like to go to local sexual and reproductive health clinic (old family planning) much more informal and you don't need an appointment or perhaps give her a list if times and places as she might want to go with her boyfriend.

SevenZarkSeven · 30/09/2014 22:10

I'm really torn on this.

I went on the Pill at 16, off my own bat.

However, I am not convinced that having females stuffed with artificial hormones from often a very young age is a very good idea, for just so many reasons.

Also if they're going to be using condoms if they have sex then that's pretty effective.

For me, knowing me, knowing I was on the pill at that age would have been (and was) a reason to stop bothering with condoms at the drop of a hat quite frankly. While I absolutely think that teens should have all the facts and knowledge and education and access to contraception, realistically being on the pill is a massive disincentive to use anything else, especially with a "proper" boyfriend. Also gives her less leverage if he wants to ditch the condoms which he might well do.

End of the day though you know her and she knows him & etc.

skylark2 · 30/09/2014 22:10

To "put" her on contraception? YABU.

To discuss with her whether she should be on contraception and help her to access it? Not U at all.

(been there, done that, though mine was 17 and the main factor was hormones rather than contraception).

KissMyFatArse · 30/09/2014 22:18

I think your being sensible offering contraceptive advice.

Whether she's of age or not that won't stop them if they want to do it.

Condoms are not 100%effective so of she's happy with other methods then I think your being a responsible parent and trying to do what's best for her ie Condoms plus other methods of protection.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 30/09/2014 22:21

I think you sound very sensible and that you have a great relationship. And no, I don't think you're encouraging her to have sex.

I also think the chances of a 17yo being prosecuted for having consensual sex with a 15yo are vanishingly slim.

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