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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be mad at dh for shouting at our baby?

52 replies

NannyOggsCat · 30/09/2014 20:26

We had just finished dinner and ds was in his highchair. Dh offered to pick him up while I was washing dishes as ds was getting fed up of being fastened up.

I'm not sure exactly what happened as I had my back to them but suddenly dh shouted at ds (who is 8 months old).. Dh said ds was being dangerous and nearly fell out of the chair.

I got upset with dh for shouting at ds. I told him that I don't think he should have shouted at ds, he is only 8 month old and has no concept of danger and there was no reason to shout at him.

Dh is now sulking on the sofa and said that he doesn't like his parenting being criticised...

Aibu to not want ds to be shouted at?? He's only a baby Sad this is the first time it's happened and I would rather it not happen again.

OP posts:
pippinleaf · 30/09/2014 20:27

Maybe she was teetering, about to fall, and he was shocked and shouted out in panic? It's easily done and then he felt humiliated when you told him off and didn't explain properly what had happened? Maybe?

Thurlow · 30/09/2014 20:28

It's not nice to shout at a baby. But sometimes your reactions get the better of you and you snap, sometimes when.your scared that your little one has done something that might hurt them. Any chance that happened?

Original poster
NannyOggsCat · 30/09/2014 20:29

It was an angry shout not a panic shout, that's why I got upset over it.. I could understand a panic shout but it definitely wasn't one of those

OP posts:
my2centsis · 30/09/2014 20:30

100% agree with Thurlows every word

HighwayDragon · 30/09/2014 20:30

It depends on the shout 'aaarrrrggg nooooo!! carefulllll!!!' or 'what are you doing stop it' the latter is unacceptable the former is a perfectly normal response

queenofthepirates · 30/09/2014 20:30

Wellll...... there are some occasions when a few choice words in a dangerous situation can be a good idea to focus said child into stopping. I think you need to talk to one another about what you do expect from one another's parenting styles rather than making him feel bad about shouting. You need to be on the same page, especially through the toddler years otherwise they will run rings round you. Give him a hug, pour some wine and chat.

dottytablecloth · 30/09/2014 20:30

Has it happened before?

softlysoftly · 30/09/2014 20:30

It's not nice but my reaction to the DCs doing something that freaks me out is to shout.

Let it go, he shouted on instinct, it's not a normal occurrence and he will be feeling defensive about it.

usualsuspect333 · 30/09/2014 20:30

It will probably happen again, it might even be you shouting next time.

Liara · 30/09/2014 20:31

A shout to stop an 8mo from falling out of a chair is fair enough, imo. A lot less damaging than a bump in the head...

hollie84 · 30/09/2014 20:31

The oddest thing here is that your DH offered to pick the baby up so you could wash the dishes Confused

Depends on why he was shouting - did he think the baby was being "naughty" and he was telling him off? Or was he panicked by a sudden movement?

TravellingToad · 30/09/2014 20:31

YABU

Agree with everyone else I'm afraid

dottytablecloth · 30/09/2014 20:32

Just saw it's the first time it's happened!

I wouldn't worry, just have a chat about it.

Sometimes tempers do get frayed with a baby, they are tough going!

Sirzy · 30/09/2014 20:33

I agree with others a shout is an instinct reaction to the situation

4o08 · 30/09/2014 20:34

I have shouted at DS when he was about to hurt himself. Not because I was angry or upset with him. I didn't shout at him because I wanted to I shouted because I panicked and didn't want to see DS get hurt.

YABU I'm afraid.

Anotherchapter · 30/09/2014 20:36

Hmmm angry shout is different to a panic shout.

Let him sulk. I wouldn't be happy either.

Original poster
NannyOggsCat · 30/09/2014 20:37

That's the thing, I'm not sure what happened as I couldn't see as my back was towards them, it was more the tone that got me really "for f**ks sake ds!!"

I could have understood an "arrrghhh! Noo!" kind of shout or even just a sharp exclamation of ds's name, but that just seemed a bit harsh

OP posts:
googoodolly · 30/09/2014 20:37

Well, I've instinctively shouted when kids have been about to hurt themselvs - it's often enough to stop them in their tracks and it can prevent serious injury.

I wouldn't appreciate being told off by DP for an instinctive reaction either.

YABU I'm afraid, but I understand you don't like the idea of your baby being shouted at.

AmberLav · 30/09/2014 20:38

I regularly sound angry, when it's actually a panicked shout...

Bowlersarm · 30/09/2014 20:39

I think YABU too.

Parenting is stressful, explain to your DH why you don't like it, but don't criticise him. You need to support each other.

I've shouted in the heat of the moment. It's human nature at times if you think they are about to hurt themselves etc.

maras2 · 30/09/2014 20:40

Some people should RTFT.It was the first time dotty and the child is a DS pippinleaf Sorry to be picky but OP is upset enough already with her shit for brains husband without thinking that some folks can't be arsed to RTFT.

steff13 · 30/09/2014 20:40

What did he say when he shouted? Sometimes when you're kids are in danger, it's instinct to shout, I think. Not necessarily out of anger, but more to get his or her attention. I've shouted "no" or "don't" or "stop," something of that nature, at my kids when they've been about to do something dangerous.

steff13 · 30/09/2014 20:41

your not you're

ThursdayLast · 30/09/2014 20:41

I have both shouted and sworn at my DS. Out of panic, frustration , fear, anger everything. Because I'm a human.
I would be decidedly pissed off with DP if he had got precious with me about it.

Bowlersarm · 30/09/2014 20:41

You're being quite the charmer maras