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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be mad at dh for shouting at our baby?

52 replies

NannyOggsCat · 30/09/2014 20:26

We had just finished dinner and ds was in his highchair. Dh offered to pick him up while I was washing dishes as ds was getting fed up of being fastened up.

I'm not sure exactly what happened as I had my back to them but suddenly dh shouted at ds (who is 8 months old).. Dh said ds was being dangerous and nearly fell out of the chair.

I got upset with dh for shouting at ds. I told him that I don't think he should have shouted at ds, he is only 8 month old and has no concept of danger and there was no reason to shout at him.

Dh is now sulking on the sofa and said that he doesn't like his parenting being criticised...

Aibu to not want ds to be shouted at?? He's only a baby Sad this is the first time it's happened and I would rather it not happen again.

OP posts:
Bedsheets4knickers · 30/09/2014 20:42

My panic shout comes out really badly aswel . It does stop what is about to happen tho. I do apologise for making them jump .

MrsMinton · 30/09/2014 20:43

That was a bit harsh. Swearing at your child is not acceptable (nor is sulking on the sofa after!)

dottytablecloth · 30/09/2014 20:44

maras are you the thread reading police? I've already acknowledged my lack of close scrutiny of the thread, chill out!

JudysPriest · 30/09/2014 20:47

My panic shouts are not the calm nurturing moments I try to create with children. They are panic, there will be swears.

There's shouting and swearing in a panic and doing so as an everyday form of discipline.

Itsfab · 30/09/2014 20:52

Him sulking needs dealing with just as much as saying for fucks sake to a baby.

maras2 · 30/09/2014 20:54

i'm very sorry to have been such a keyboard happy pain in the arse.No excuse,I just felt sorry for the 8 month old who was being shouted at.dotty and pippin please forgive me.Nothing personal intended.

shaska · 30/09/2014 20:55

If after eight months neither of you have ever shouted in the direction of your child you're doing well I reckon!

It doesn't sound like your DH intends to make a habit of shouting at the baby, it sounds like for whatever reason it came out that way this time. Least said soonest mended, IMO.

LadyLuck10 · 30/09/2014 21:00

Yabu, I agree with the others. Only the perfect parent does not shout, get angry and is always in check with every situation. Nobody is the perfect parent.

Thurlow · 30/09/2014 21:01

I think I've said "for fucks sake" to DD at times. Not moments I'm proud of at all, but it has slipped out both in moments of fear and in moments of complete frustration.

Go and talk to your DH. It wasn't a great thing that he did, but sometimes the way you can ask your OH to do things can be not nice either (and I know I've done that one myself too). Have a chat about it.

LadyLuck10 · 30/09/2014 21:04

You interpret his mood as sulking, but maybe he is just upset(justifiably) at you controlling his parenting. As many posters have said, including myself we have all shouted. I wouldn't appreciate DH making me feel like a bad parent over this.

Original poster
NannyOggsCat · 30/09/2014 21:06

Thanks ladies. I'll go make a cup of tea and have a talk with dh. I don't like shouting in general, but I can understand that in dangerous situations it happens. It was his tone and choice of words that upset me, but I guess everyone reacts differently in these situations..

OP posts:
Hakluyt · 30/09/2014 21:09

"Dh offered to pick him up while I was washing dishes as ds was getting fed up of being fastened up."

Am I the only person who thinks this is a bit.....odd?

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 30/09/2014 21:19

An eight month old baby was "being dangerous". Like what, undoing his own restraints and getting ready to jump out of the high-chair head first? An eight month old baby is just about able to sit up properly unsupported by that age, surely?

Husband is a numpty who can't be trusted to lift a small baby out of a high-chair without a bloody manual.

deakymom · 30/09/2014 21:21

my panicked shout is AAAAAARRRRRRHHHH i dont swear i dont articulate the only time i ever articulated in panic is when my ds was legging it towards the very busy road and i knew i could not make it i swear the car missed him by an inch when he fortunately stopped and all i screamed was his name and stop that cost me my voice and a weeks worth of sleep (at least) let him sulk if he feels the need to shout at an eight month old "in panic" he wasn't watching him closely enough (and i admit i was not watching mine closely enough by the way i had my back turned to lock the front door and his dad was supposed to be putting him in the car turns out his dad was dicking around in the back of the car and couldnt get to him in time either)

ChippingInLatteLover · 30/09/2014 21:32

Nanny

DS was strapped into his highchair.

DH undid the straps, DH was getting him out.

What exactly could an 8 month old have done that would warrant any shouting - angry or panicked that wasn't caused by your DH. Nothing. Nothing at all.

His temper sounds quicky spiked - is it?

Does he generally act like he's doing you a favour when he does something with DS?

Aherdofmims · 30/09/2014 21:37

I agree with others. A panic shout can happen to the best of us. I did shout a bit in panic yesterday when baby ds was managed to push down the calpol syringe all over everything.

An angry shout is not good with a baby, although if it's a one off it could still be nothing to worry about.

Topseyt · 30/09/2014 21:38

None of us are the perfect parent. We are human and can shout and behave instinctively, whether in a panic or in anger and for me both types of shout can sound similar.

I clearly remember my eldest daughter when she was about a year old. She came up beside me in the kitchen when I was grilling some chops. I took the grill pan out to turn them, and suddenly saw that she had pulled herself up and was reaching out for the red hot grill element (it was a slot in cooker, so would have been within reach for her. I panicked and instinctively yelled at her and shoved her away from it.

It wasn't an attempt at discipline. That did not come into it at all. It was an instinctive reaction to a dangerous situation. Granted that it wasn't my finest moment and it had us both in tears, but I look back on it and am relieved that I managed to act quickly enough to get her out of harms way. Yes, she did end up sprawled on the floor, but she wasn't hurt. She would have been if I hadn't reacted though, and I don't like to think of that.

Aherdofmims · 30/09/2014 21:40

But I agree that there is no good reason to shout at a baby and would never advocate it.

2minsofyourtime · 30/09/2014 21:42

*"Dh offered to pick him up while I was washing dishes as ds was getting fed up of being fastened up."

Am I the only person who thinks this is a bit.....odd?*

Do you find it odd that he had didn't just pick him up but felt the need to check with op

Calaveras · 30/09/2014 21:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hollie84 · 30/09/2014 21:48

I find it odd that a father would offer to pick their baby up as if they are doing the mother a favour!

Calaveras · 30/09/2014 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyLuck10 · 30/09/2014 21:54

It's ridiculous that people here are trying to imply something sinister about the ops relationship. All over the word 'offered'. Get a life people!

Calaveras · 30/09/2014 21:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
NannyOggsCat · 30/09/2014 22:02

Just to clarify to those who think my relationship is odd (which is making me chuckle here tbh)

My dh "offered" because he wasn't quite sure if ds was getting fed up or just making one of the many random noises he normally does.. I spend all day with ds, I know what his noises mean. Dh is at work all day so isn't as good at guessing what ds wants.

Yes dh may be a dunderhead, but he is my dunderhead at the end of the day. We have had a talk over a cup of tea and he apologised for swearing and shouting. Apparently ds threw himself forwards as dh undid the straps (ds can be very quick when he wants to be, but I guess I'm just used to him and know to expect it)

Thank you for your views and for those who sympathised with me being upset as well.

OP posts:
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