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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that the biggest snobs often have absolutely nothing to be snobby about?

63 replies

Perd · 30/09/2014 14:25

I often find that the wealthier/more classy someone is, the less of a snob they are! The owner of the nursery that my children used to go to is very very rich with a country estate, she was privately educated and has 3 children at a very expensive boarding school yet she is the most down to earth, lovely, warm person you could ever meet, with no airs and graces and certainly no judging anyone.

By contrast, a mum that I know through my DCs school is a total and utter snob. She talks loudly about how she would never dress her children in primark, Asda or Tesco clothing and that it has to be Joules or Boden (and of course has to tell everyone the cost of everything), and has very Katie Hopkins-esque opinions on who she will let her children mix with and invite to their parties. She has made rude, put-down comments about someone's car being old, and is just generally sneering down her nose at people. Oh and she always slags off Aldi too when any of us mention we have been there that day! The irony is that she lives in a tiny ex local authority house on a really dodgy estate, and actually probably doesn't have a pot to piss in, yet thinks that she is above others.

I have known a couple of other very snobby mums in the past too, very sneery and judgemental, and neither of those ever had anything to be snobby about either!

OP posts:
catgirl1976 · 30/09/2014 14:29

Snobbery is the mark of an insecure, arriviste with no class IMO

Perd · 30/09/2014 14:29

I agree, Catgirl

OP posts:
squoosh · 30/09/2014 14:30

I believe the term is 'projecting'. She's unhappy with her own situation in life and thinks that by putting others down she'll appear to be better off than she is.

PetiteRaleuse · 30/09/2014 14:32

YANBU. I feel quite sorry for snobs. I can't believe they are happy people.

Callani · 30/09/2014 14:33

Not so sure - I know some very lovely extremely wealthy people who, like you say, are down to earth and non judgemental. I also know some horrid wealthy people who basically think that poor people choose to be poor, sneer at people they consider beneath them and harp on about state handouts whilst conveniently ignoring the fact that they're only well off because one of their ancestors got given a great big pile of land...

I think it takes all sorts.

StHildas4Life · 30/09/2014 14:34

Hmm... I'm not sure. I've known several people from both money and lineage to express (in private) some pretty uncouth and snobby ideas about class. Although these same people would rather die than come out with any of them publicly!

Whoopsadazy · 30/09/2014 14:43

I think it's insecurity.

There are a lot of pretty wealth off parents at my child's school but no-one really mentions what they've got or how much they spend - you can just tell. There was one mum in particular who used to tell us how many thousand (yes thousand) she'd spent on Christmas decorations, new clothes for holidays, how she wouldn't let her children look like scruffs etc and I think a lot of it was she felt out of her depth, almost like she was showing she could compete.

BakerStreetSaxRift · 30/09/2014 15:00

I think this is a horrible thread.

Stratter5 · 30/09/2014 15:03

Unpalatable, maybe; but not far off the truth. Money can't buy class, neither can breeding.

BakerStreetSaxRift · 30/09/2014 15:03

The OP is clearly bothered by the council house Mum having ideas above her station and thinks she should get back in her box.

I think this thread says as much about you as her TBH.

PetiteRaleuse · 30/09/2014 15:09

Hmm. Just come back to this and re-read your OP more closely.

You find snobs in every "class". I think there is some terrible snobbery among the upper classes; as much as anywhere else. Just because you are for example an aristocrat or landed gentry or whatever, doesn't mean you are a classy person iyswim. You can still be an intolerable snob whatever your "class" or however much or little money you have.

But I think that snobs are unhappy and have nothing to be snobbish about.

So YANBU. But I don't like the tone of your OP.

PetiteRaleuse · 30/09/2014 15:10

In fact, you sound like a snob yourself.

Myhusbandishardwork · 30/09/2014 15:20

I dont think its snobbery you are describing, its just her personal tastes.

I wont buy primark, tesco or asda clothing. Thats not because im a snob, its because the quality and designs are absolute shit.

I tried Aldi once and hated it.

Im very particular with many things. It doesnt make me a snob because i dont like the things others seem to rave about.

Lioninthesun · 30/09/2014 15:23

Oh yes, I know a few of these too. It's because they think that being classy is something to do with being snobby I think. I know someone who has to drive certain cars, dress in Joules/Boden and is also snobby about own brands (esp tea!) and rolls her eyes if anyone in her vicinity is being 'common'...she also lives in an ex council house but forces pictures/zoopla links of her own childhood mansion on all of her fb friends roughly every 6 months (when her parents divorced they moved out, when she was 7!) just to let them know she had a well-off upbringing. Her life is brain achingly contrived and must take a lot of effort to keep up.

StripyBanana · 30/09/2014 15:27

Gosh . They live in an ex council house. How awful. Couldn't possibly be middle-class then.

Most of you sound completely horrid.

bakingaddict · 30/09/2014 15:45

Regardless of what class somebody might be, they will always have preconceptions about people of a different class.

I don't get the automatic response that most of the upper classes are just so down to earth and non-judgemental. Of course they will be polite and nice to you because most of the time they don't really expect for you to be in their social circle. I agree more with Callini that you get tossers in all classes. Just because you are upper class doesn't intrinsically make you non-judgemental and not all WC and MC people bang on about where they shop and how many holidays they go on.

duhgldiuhfdsli · 30/09/2014 15:56

"She has made rude, put-down comments about someone's car being old"

One is put in mind of the line about Michael Heseltine being the sort of man who has to buy his own furniture.

BakerStreetSaxRift · 30/09/2014 18:47

So what makes someone 'classy' in your world?

I'm guessing all the things this lady is not, and that you are?

Marmiteandjamislush · 30/09/2014 19:07

This thread is hysterical, you sound like the biggest snob out OP. I say this as the daughter of an uber snob by the way. Anyone who can buy an ex local authority house is very smart if you ask me, they usually tend to be very solidly built and very generous on space both inside and out. DH and I plan to move to one next year because we can't afford where we are now (Mother made us buy it and helped with the deposit because she had silly ideas about the postcode of the cheaper area.

FWIW, my parents would be considered very wealthy now, Dad invested vv well in the early 80's to late 90's. Yet he worked as a teacher pt until ds 1 was 3.5 (1.5 years ago) he is not a bit snobby, but not classy either, Fray Bentos and a beer is food of the gods to him and he thinks M&S is designer. Mother, on the other hand gave up work as a nurse, as soon as sister 3/5 was born and would rather starve than eat anything other than M&S/Waitrose and F&M at Christmas.

BeachyKeen · 30/09/2014 19:18

Class isn't about money, it is about know and doing the right thing at the right time.

Its making people feel good, and at ease, in your presence. Its remembering the traditional manners, appropriate behaviours and customs of the situation you are in. Its having high standards, for yourself and you actions.

usualsuspect333 · 30/09/2014 19:21

She would fit right in on MN.

Marmiteandjamislush · 30/09/2014 19:23

So right Beachy, my mother has none of these, but my dad has them in spades

bodhranbae · 30/09/2014 19:24

God all fucking mighty some people have been watching too much Downton.

WooWooOwl · 30/09/2014 19:24

Someone classy is unlikely to be snobby, the two traits just aren't compatible with each other.

As you have noticed, snobbery is not something that is only confined to people who are, or are perceived to be, rich. It's one of those things that can apply to anyone of any income, and reverse snobbery is just as ugly.

Badvoc123 · 30/09/2014 19:27

Manners cost nothing.