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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that the biggest snobs often have absolutely nothing to be snobby about?

63 replies

Perd · 30/09/2014 14:25

I often find that the wealthier/more classy someone is, the less of a snob they are! The owner of the nursery that my children used to go to is very very rich with a country estate, she was privately educated and has 3 children at a very expensive boarding school yet she is the most down to earth, lovely, warm person you could ever meet, with no airs and graces and certainly no judging anyone.

By contrast, a mum that I know through my DCs school is a total and utter snob. She talks loudly about how she would never dress her children in primark, Asda or Tesco clothing and that it has to be Joules or Boden (and of course has to tell everyone the cost of everything), and has very Katie Hopkins-esque opinions on who she will let her children mix with and invite to their parties. She has made rude, put-down comments about someone's car being old, and is just generally sneering down her nose at people. Oh and she always slags off Aldi too when any of us mention we have been there that day! The irony is that she lives in a tiny ex local authority house on a really dodgy estate, and actually probably doesn't have a pot to piss in, yet thinks that she is above others.

I have known a couple of other very snobby mums in the past too, very sneery and judgemental, and neither of those ever had anything to be snobby about either!

OP posts:
MrsPiggie · 30/09/2014 19:29

There is a lot of fake snobbery around, yes, but there's a lot of snobbery in the upper middle class as well (many, many genuinely nice people too). It's enough to hang around well off Oxbridge graduates and you see both types.

ElephantsNeverForgive · 30/09/2014 19:30

The best example of this was my DDad's oldest friends wife.

When they turned up in Dad's new car she spoke to them.

When they turned up in DMs battered van she didn't.

Since my parents couldn't stand her they always made a point of going in the van and parking where all her neighbours could see it!

I never met her, she became an ExW, his now DP is lovely.

InMySpareTime · 30/09/2014 19:34

Last weekend I was on a train with an outrageous snob. She was talking on the phone, and said "Yah, I was at a party, with a load of people, not poor people, proper people..." I was ShockHmm. Do people still think like that? Let alone say it out loud in public.

Cantbelievethisishappening · 30/09/2014 19:43

In my last career I had a bit to do with the very wealthy. Our wealthiest client who was also part of aristocracy used to drive a clapped out Renault, always visited wearing wellies or trainers and used to sit with the 'peasants' (us) having a natter and a cup of tea.

Mrsjayy · 30/09/2014 20:20

Tbh you sound as bad as she does you have proved your own point really. Some folk are loud mouthed and brashy and yes snooty snobby

FreudiansSlipper · 30/09/2014 21:58

I know people from all different backgrounds that look down on others

it has nothing to do with wealth or class because that is implying that being upper class is better and having reason to be snobby

there is not reason other than you feel insecure

PhaedraIsMyName · 30/09/2014 22:16

One is put in mind of the line about Michael Heseltine being the sort of man who has to buy his own furniture

Whilst that is a spectacularly snobbish comment , you have (one has ?) to admire its effectiveness as an insult. Especially , if like me , you initially thought, well what's so bad about that until the penny dropped.

PetiteRaleuse · 01/10/2014 09:50

I need to look up that quote I can't remember who said it :o

vindscreenviper · 01/10/2014 10:00

I believe it was Alan Clark MP Petite
Not at all classy, a dinner party fascist and boring snob if his wife is to be believed.

PetiteRaleuse · 01/10/2014 10:03

Yes I just googled it. He was a proper twat by all accounts.

londonrach · 01/10/2014 10:03

I agree. My dad spent one hour with a pleasant man talking about the stunning pictures in a country house at a fete. They talked art and laughed about these pictures. at the end dad said the owner of said pictures was very lucky. Guy said he wasnt the owner just the guardian of them until he passed them on to either his children or to the national gallery. Dad then learnt he had been laughing and talking with the lord (owner or in his words guardian of this huge country house) rather than a member of the staff. He was wearing old well loved clothes and been helping with stalls, carrying tables etc. snobby is lack of class.

duhgldiuhfdsli · 01/10/2014 10:04

No, vind, it wasn't Alan Clark. He reports it in his diaries, but ascribes it to Michael Jopling. Clark judges it "Snobby, but cutting".

Clark certainly wasn't the landed gentry. His father was Kenneth Clark, which is pretty cool, and his family were (one has to say) "in trade": his great-great-etc was one of the founders of what is now Coats, who make thread.

CheerfulYank · 01/10/2014 10:13

What's wrong with buying furniture? Confused

vinoandbrie · 01/10/2014 10:21

Rather than inheriting it, Cheerful. Enough to make me sick, such an ugly attitude.

duhgldiuhfdsli · 01/10/2014 10:22

Cheerful, the snobby putdown is that it implies that you don't come from an old family that has houses full of furniture for you to have when you need it.

TheWordFactory · 01/10/2014 10:22

I find the lionising of the upper classes by the middle classes hilarious.

They are not all super-jolly salt of the earth types!

Yes, they might not rub your noses in how they feel, but they do not see you as their equals. They don't send their DC to school with your DC and they don't expect to spend any real time with you.

Yes, they may natter politely with you on the odd occasion, but c'mon!

poolomoomon · 01/10/2014 10:25

I've been called a snob a couple of times before and it's horrible because I really really am not. I just have particular tastes. Much like another poster, I won't buy supermarket or Primark clothes because the quality is shit and I detest wasting money. I think it works out better and is far more cost efficient to buy from companies like vertbaudet, boden, joules etc because the clothes last longer and they sell on eBay afterwards so you get some of the money back. I always use discount codes and sometimes buy second hand off eBay too. Also I hate aldi, tried it once and never again. Don't sell half the things we buy and the fruit and veg was poor quality, didn't even last two days.

But because I use ocado to food shop and DC don't wear cheap clothes I'm a 'snob' Hmm. I'm not, I'm actually a really reserved person and I'd never judge someone for choosing to shop at those places, they're just not for me. I don't boast either but when people ask where their clothes I from I say it and saying Boden has been met with a few "ooh that's a bit posh isn't it?" remarks.

I agree the person judging others for their choices sounds pretty insecure and not all too friendly but I'm not keen on the term snob on a whole. It's a bit of a bullying term IMO, it's not nice to be called it. She isn't a snob for shopping in those places and why does she automatically 'not have a pot to piss in' because she lives in an ex council house? They're very sturdy houses with great gardens, can't say I blame her. But she does need to look inwards regarding the sneering and judgement of people.

CheerfulYank · 01/10/2014 10:33

Ah, thanks. Thought that might be it but being American, having a house full of inherited antiques isn't really the "thing".

Although I got my couch when my mom and dad were done with it...maybe I'm secretly real claasy-like. :o

RiverTam · 01/10/2014 10:40

agree that you sound pretty unpleasant, clearly you think dodgy council estate mums should stay firmly in their box. Maybe she is trying, perhaps not in the best way, to achieve a better standard of living for her DC so that they don't have to live on a dodgy estate. Nothing wrong with that in itself.

Interesting that you know so much about the owner of the nursery, all I know about the owner of DD's was that he was a paediatrician. Couldn't tell you a thing about his wealth or where he lived or anything, couldn't care less.

angelos02 · 01/10/2014 10:54

YANBU. Sally Webster from Coronation Street is a prime example of this. Works in factory (nothing wrong with that), lives on a manky street and still thinks she is something else.

It is often people that have more money as an adult than when they were a child that end up snobs - IME.

vindscreenviper · 01/10/2014 12:34

Thanks for putting me right about the Alan Clark quote duhgldiuhfdsli.
It hasn't altered my opinion of him though Grin

limitedperiodonly · 01/10/2014 12:43

I find the lionising of the upper classes by the middle classes hilarious.

I so agree with you, TheWordFactory

Siarie · 01/10/2014 13:02

I remember once a colleague of mine passed me on my way out to go home and said "insert my real name here You know, you are really classy. I hadn't noticed it until now but you are". This was really sweet of the guy as basically I worked in a bit of a geeky role (or so it's stereotyped) and I think until that point he had never noticed my persona outside of my professional role.

I don't know if being classy is about having things or money, it's just a way you hold yourself and the way you speak to others. I think it's something you don't know you have, I certainly wouldn't have agreed with the colleague at the time! It's all about style and sophistication which does not have to correlate with money.

maudpringles · 01/10/2014 13:11

I have met a few people like this OP.
They too didnt have a pot to piss in really but certainly had ideas of what was wrong and right.
Makes me laugh how boden and vertbaudet are classed as POSH!!
Better class/made but not something that wonderful surely.
And I buy neither..

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 01/10/2014 13:54

I'm the opposite. I brag when I get a bargain. Like my D.D's communion outfit. It cost me £55 in all. Dress £25 in Adams. Shoes. £10 for white shoes in Wynsors. A hair band for £5. Underwear and socks came to about £10. I told everyone that would listen and people who wouldn't listen.
People were all bragging and asking how much did you pay. I payed fucking £500.00 for her stuff. What was she expecting me to do? a merry dance. I bet she's still paying it off now. And someone turned up in a bleeding horse and cart.
I am afraid (Little ghost or d.d had to walk)

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