To think that the biggest snobs often have absolutely nothing to be snobby about?

[Perd]

I often find that the wealthier/more classy someone is, the less of a snob they are! The owner of the nursery that my children used to go to is very very rich with a country estate, she was privately educated and has 3 children at a very expensive boarding school yet she is the most down to earth, lovely, warm person you could ever meet, with no airs and graces and certainly no judging anyone.

By contrast, a mum that I know through my DCs school is a total and utter snob. She talks loudly about how she would never dress her children in primark, Asda or Tesco clothing and that it has to be Joules or Boden (and of course has to tell everyone the cost of everything), and has very Katie Hopkins-esque opinions on who she will let her children mix with and invite to their parties. She has made rude, put-down comments about someone's car being old, and is just generally sneering down her nose at people. Oh and she always slags off Aldi too when any of us mention we have been there that day! The irony is that she lives in a tiny ex local authority house on a really dodgy estate, and actually probably doesn't have a pot to piss in, yet thinks that she is above others.

I have known a couple of other very snobby mums in the past too, very sneery and judgemental, and neither of those ever had anything to be snobby about either!

OP, YABU. You are massively underestimating the impact that an individual's ability to choose these things has on their attitude.

Wealthy people have choices. They have the choice between state or private schools, NHS or private physicians, local or foreign holidays, economy or First-class travel. They can shop at Aldi or Waitrose, Primark or Boden and socialise with the powerful or the powerless. Their economic and accompanying social capital enables them to make these choices freely.

People who are not wealthy do not enjoy such choices. So many people have little to no choice or control over the quality of their clothing, their method of travel, the medical services they receive or the supermarket they shop in. For many people there are no such thing as freedom of choice in using these goods and services, their options are limited and dictated not by their preference but by their income.

So your wealthy, estate-owning, privately-educating friend has the freedom to move about from one end of the social and financial spectrum to the other. Perhaps for that reason she is secure enough to not discuss the cost of her clothes or where she buys her shopping. Perhaps she just doesn't care. Whatever. But is it such a surprise that another woman, who enjoys no such freedom or flexibility in her financial or social status, might cling to the brands or image which she feels help her enjoy the same degree of choice as someone wealthier?

Someone who feels insecure and desperate enough to continually try and promote themselves, whatever their financial situation, needs your compassion and your assurance that you don't value what they have but who they are. Maybe you could give that a go.

Agree wholeheartedly with both Kumquat and WordFactory

kumquat that's what I would have said if I was thinking properly.

Thanks

OP I would concur with your observation but I am an inverted snob; the aspirational middle class make me annoyed with their views of the 'working classes'.... I used to be 'live and let live' but now take great pleasure in challenging the views of such people.

It's not very cool to 'comment' on where one buys their groceries and is crass to mention how much an item of clothing costs (unless specifically asked and only if a bargain).

YANBU :)

Agree with OP. They is this katie price wannabe awful mum at the school and shes a real bully, has nicknamed me "leggings" I found out from a mutual friend and always stares throws hostile looks at me, had a laugh at me when i wore heels, even tho she wears them always, has told mutual friend that she hates me, for what reason I don't know, maybe cos I don't brown nose her like the others. Anyway she also dresses head to toe in designer , fake hair extensions, fake boobs etc, and she does benefit fraud and scams, this cow has the cheek to nickname me" leggings" and look down her nose at me where she lives on a housing association house on a estate, whereas I have my own 3 bed house outright thanks to my dads businesses, so I may be wearing "new look " leggings whilst she wears Gucci trousers but whose actually better off.

Choosing to buy certain beands or from certain vendors isnt what makes OPs example a snob. It is the constant reference to herself as the sort of person who makes these choices, who can afford to make these choices that cost ££. It is the sneering at others who are admitting out loud in her presence that they choose to buy lesser brands and shop at lesser stores.

Buy what you want, whereever you want. If you dont have the Hyacinth Bucket attitude about it, and arent constantly informing others that THESE important purchasing decisions are what they should define you by and admire you for, then you arent a snob.

YABU to start ANOTHER tedious thread about snobbery.

You realise you're churning out one of the oldest cliches of all? The idea that aristos are salt-of-the-earth democrats who treat the cleaner the same as they treat the queen while people who worked for their own money are nasty snobbish parvenus is both banal and bullshit.

Oh yes, WordFactory and Kumquat have put it much better than me.

Anyway, as I once said to Princess Margaret, isn't it funny how the word 'classy' is probably the least 'classy' word of all?

I am very snobby about people who like to bitch. Yawn.

I agree that the upper and upper middle classes often are extremely snobby about certain behaviours/ norms ( less so about things I find) but just don't voice it because they'd view that as common.

E.g if you went to their daughter's wedding and didn't send a written thank you, they wouldn't slag you off on FB, but it doesn't mean they're not judging you for it.

Tondelayo your post is hilarious. Assuming it is ironic?

Name dropping is v snobbish. Look at the PM and his conversations about the Queen. Ugh.

People on MN like to trot out the old trope that the upper classes all drive beaten up 20 year old Volvo estates, don't care about labels, never brag about money and it is just hilariously misplaced. The upper classes are extremely snobby! but just not about the same things that the middle and working classes care about.

Just because they drive old Volvos and wear inherited flea-holed cashmere that as a middle class person you see as a sign of salt of the earth, unsnobby realness, does not mean anything.

The upper classes can be as snobby or down to earth as any other class. Claiming the upper classes are all a certain way is terribly simplistic and naive.

KumquatMay does have a point but some people are just snobby for the sake of it. I know someone who disapproved of her daughter's choice of friend because "the furthest she's been is Centre Parks" whereas her little darling has just come back from 6 weeks in Australia, therefore can't possibly be friends with someone who only slums it in Centre Parks. Her daughter is only 8. How many 8 year olds have been to Australia FGS?! And she sends her daughter to a good but mixed income, very multicultural primary school so the chances of any parents who send their children there being able to afford to swan off to Australia for 6 weeks is pretty slim. I think judging her daughter's friend on her parents' choice of holiday destination is absolutely pathetic. She plays a constant game of oneupmanship too - whatever you have, you can guarantee hers is bigger, better and shinier. She can't ever be happy for anyone about their achievements as she always has to put in some dig about how hers or her children's are somehow better. I don't know if it's insecurity or what but she even had a superiority complex at the age of 10 and I think it's very sad that over 20 years later she hasn't grown out of it.

All the rich people I know LOVE Aldi! Any time there's a sale they rush down there to pick up the bargains. I figure that's how they're rich, because they only shop in the cheap shops and know exactly where every penny has gone. They're penny wise and pound foolish as my mum would say. They'll quite happily splash out thousands on a new TV they don't really need but they wouldn't dream of buying food from Marks and Spencer's as it's far too expensive.