Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's normal for parents to be more protective of daughters

158 replies

cadburykingdom · 30/09/2014 09:31

I know my parents were more protective of me than my brothers. I'm more protective of DD than DS. All of my friends growing up with siblings reported similar.

I have a friend now who disagrees and says they shouldn't be and it's not normal but I would think it is.

Girls are more vulnurable and go through so much more so it makes sense.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Miggsie · 30/09/2014 13:41

Do remember that many cases of assaults reporting by women are down graded int he statistics so police don't have to deal with them.
Males are more likely to be involved with violence that leads to police reports - many women have been attacked an sexually assaulted who do not report or do report and told it isn't a serious crime. This is why the overhaul of domestic violence policing was in the news a while ago.

So when looking at statistics this needs to be kept in mind.

I do agree that letting girls be pathetic and telling boys they can't cry damages both genders.

Also, by setting gender expectations without taking into account personality or potential is damaging also. After all, 100 years ago we all knew women's heads would explode if they learned Greek and were too emotional to go to university and certainly could never be doctors...and now we say "well of course lots of women want to be doctors, they are naturally caring and nurturing" - except for the female coroners: difficult to nurture a corpse really.

ceres · 30/09/2014 13:42

strange message you are giving your children.

Vivacia · 30/09/2014 13:51

What's the point in replying? People have repeatedly pointed out the fallacies in the OP's argument and then she returns to... repeat it.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 30/09/2014 13:57

This thread made me think of this sketch

DontDrinkAndFacebook · 30/09/2014 14:00

That is brilliant. Grin

I used to love that show.

LeBearPolar · 30/09/2014 14:02

Can you clarify how girls "go through so much more" than boys, please?

If you intend to do anything, having started this thread, other than return and agree with yourself that is.

Sallystyle · 30/09/2014 14:25

Yab SO U

Sallystyle · 30/09/2014 14:25

Pressed send accidentally.

I worry about mine equally. I don't feel my girls are more vulnerable than my boys.

HampshireBoy · 30/09/2014 14:38

Perhaps fathers are more protective of DDs because they know what they were like as a young man? ;)

As a male I was more protective to my little sister than brother, though as the eldest it was my "job" to look after both and I did.

It might be old fashioned but it was the way I was brought up.

I'd like to think that if we had had a girl she would have had the same encouragements and freedoms as the boys. Though, for example, it is perhaps natural to worry more about a girl walking home alone late at night than a boy, not necessarily rational but I would just worry more.

BoomBoomsCousin · 30/09/2014 14:51

That's a vile attitude HampshireBoy.

Bulbasaur · 30/09/2014 14:51

There's different things to worry about with boys and girls, but both have the same vulnerability to risk due to youthful invincibility.

I'm sure if I had two babies, I'd worry more about my daughter on dates and hope that I gave her enough self confidence to get out of a situation that was making her uncomfortable. I wouldn't be worrying about my son getting taken advantage of, but if I found out he was the one doing the pressuring, me and DH would have a foot up his ass (to put it very lightly). That said, I would worry equally about them getting their hearts broken by their "one true love" in high school as what tends to happen.

AbbieHoffmansAfro · 30/09/2014 14:56

I hate this misuse of 'male' and 'female'. I blame The Bill.

Male humans are men or boys. Female humans are women or girls. Whenever people talk about a 'female' I want to shout 'Female what? Female warthog? Female ant? Narrow it down for me!'

Just had to get that off my chest.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 30/09/2014 14:56

I have two boys and two girls. I like to think I treat them as individuals, with individual strengths and vulnerabilities.

My eldest two go out clubbing, and to be honest I worry much more about DS getting into trouble than DD. DS is white and his girlfriend Asian and they have experienced some verbal abuse. DD, although she has had some sexual harassment in clubs, seems more than capable of dealing with it.

AnyFucker · 30/09/2014 14:57

It's an honest one though, I guess, HB

DuelingFanjo · 30/09/2014 15:01

Almost every person I know who has had a baby girl has made a comment along the lines of 'She's not going anywhere until she's 25' or 'If any boys come knocking I'm going to be there checking them out'.

We are, I think, conditioned to be like this and I do think it's quite sad. Perhaps there is a tendency to only be able to see our children as the vunerable infants they start out as and it's not easy to imagine them as 15/16/17 year olds doing the same things we did at our age.

Unfortunately people are generally less accepting of female sexuality and of women having control over their own sexuality.

DuelingFanjo · 30/09/2014 15:02

"Well females are much more likely to get raped and sexually assaulted than males are. They also aren't as physically strong and are less likely to be able to get themselves out of a bad situation."

change it round to 'well males are much more likely to rape and sexually assault than females are'

much nearer the truth I think.

EvilEmperorZurg · 30/09/2014 15:03

My mother would have been more protective of her boys! She knew that I was as capable as she was of taking care of myself....

I think I would worry a bit more about my DS than DD. Partly because she is more open, and very capable and strong willed. He sometimes feels like a stranger and I feel I don't know him at all and therefore I don't know how well equipped he will be to deal with unexpected turns life will take.

SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed · 30/09/2014 15:06

"I hate this misuse of 'male' and 'female'. I blame The Bill.

Male humans are men or boys. Female humans are women or girls. Whenever people talk about a 'female' I want to shout 'Female what? Female warthog? Female ant? Narrow it down for me!'"

I agree with this, it annoys me too.

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/09/2014 15:09

I remember when I was a teenager, my BF's parents let me stay with him overnight when his sister, the same age as me, wasn't allowed her BF there. It used to astound me and it was all about their gender. It's that weird myth that her virginity is something special and his was something to discard as soon as possible. Ironic considering we weren't shagging and they were.

Bowlersarm · 30/09/2014 15:10

Oh my lord.

Just to be clear we are talking about male humans and female humans

I am assuming we aren't talking about feeling protective towards our male and/or female warthogs Confused

AbbieHoffmansAfro · 30/09/2014 15:12

Bowlers, I know what we're talking about. I'm just saying that the manner in which some of us are talking about it is annoying me.

Bulbasaur · 30/09/2014 15:13

Almost every person I know who has had a baby girl has made a comment along the lines of 'She's not going anywhere until she's 25' or 'If any boys come knocking I'm going to be there checking them out'.

To be fair, I'd want to meet DS's girlfriends too.

But it's disingenuous to pretend that both genders face the same problems and risks for the sake of "equality".

Sexual assault with a girl is just really hard to take to court or have police take seriously. If you get raped by your boyfriend you've been dating a while, it's hard to prove and in all likely hood will never make it to court.

It's not that girls are more vulnerable, it's that girls don't have the same legal protection and justice. If a boy gets punched, it's black and white case of assault and something will likely be done about it, a boy will get closure, he won't be blamed by society, and he won't have his credibility ripped to shreds in court in front of an audience. In short, he'll be able to feel vindicated and move on. Girls don't always get that, even with a supportive family, who knows how their circle of friends will take it.

So yes, I will worry about my daughter more than my son in the dating arena, and I will most likely make damn sure that her boyfriend is a quality person. We've come a long way with laws pertaining to rape, there's a new law that you can't ask what the girl was wearing and any intoxication means you're unable to consent. But you see things like Stubenville, and we've got a hell of a long way to come. There was a girl that was kicked out of college for reporting a rape because the police officer found out she knew the boy on FB and told the school she filed a false report (she didn't, she filed a lawsuit and last I check the school settled and she enrolled elsewhere).

Until the law starts taking sexual assault more seriously, I will worry about my daughter more than a son in the dating arena. But I also hope that as a parent I have done my job correctly in teaching her about enthusiastic consent and arming her with the confidence she needs to say no or get out of a bad situation.

Bowlersarm · 30/09/2014 15:15

I know you know, Abbie, just pointing out that females and males is fairly acceptable shorthand in this written conversation. Easier than writing 'men and boys' or 'women and girls' all the time. Everyone knows we arent talking about warthogs or ants. IMO anyway.

TheLovelyBoots · 30/09/2014 15:16

Interesting, Hampshire. I suppose chivalry can easily become a mixed bag.

As most of us are, I'm raising my boys to be gentlemen. Many times I have heard "I thought that women were supposed to be equal, mommy?" when I tell them they must let ladies go first, give them their seat, etc. It's a fine line.

TheLovelyBoots · 30/09/2014 15:18

My son is 12 and I'm as wary about the gradually fading-into-view girls as I can imagine any father would be with his daughter.