To think it's normal for parents to be more protective of daughters

[cadburykingdom]

I know my parents were more protective of me than my brothers. I'm more protective of DD than DS. All of my friends growing up with siblings reported similar.

I have a friend now who disagrees and says they shouldn't be and it's not normal but I would think it is.

Girls are more vulnurable and go through so much more so it makes sense.

AIBU?

My parents weren't overly protective of me whereas Hs family were ridiculously so of him. As an outcome I can deal with what life throws at me, he is very emotional and needy and not very independent at all though this is getting better because as a wife I have different expectations of him as an adult than his parents had as they still saw him as a child.

OP, do yo think you feel that girls 'go through so much more' because you identify more with your daughter and, to a certain extent, reflecting your own experiences on her? It's understandable - you have no experience of being a boy - but ultimately it's very subjective and probably doesn't consider the real experiences of children of both genders.

Can you give examples of how you're more protective?

I don't think I'm protective of any of them- boys or girls.

I'm always encouraging them to 'get out there', 'have fun'.

They don't listen to me. :)

I think it is quite normal in the sense of being fairly common. Lots of parents do treat their children differently based on the child's sex. I don't think it's wise, or good though. The being "more protective of daughters" tends to translate into making girls more timid and limiting their opportunities, and ignoring boys emotional needs (encouraging them to toughen up). Which is a diservice to both. We all need a bit of freedom and a bit of support - how much of each will depend on our personality and circumstances.

Often, when people say girls are more "vulnerable" it is a euphanism for being at risk of sexual assault. This is true - girls are more likely to be raped than boys. But rape isn't the only threat out there. And the "protective" approach isn't necessarily going to protect them from it.

Girls are more vulnurable and go through so much more so it makes sense.

OP who do you think is most likely to be a victim of violent crime? I'll give you a clue - its not girls.

I suppose it depends where you live and the type of crimes most common locally. If you live in an area with a high rape rate, particularly one where gangs are using rape against young girls and boys are commonly left alone then naturally you'll be far more concerned about your daughters. If you live in an area where the most common form of crime is boys/men being attacked by gangs of men and girls are generally left alone you'll be more worried for your sons. If both of those are serious problems you'll be equally worried for both.

Local culture determines the risks to each sex, everywhere has different problems according to who is living there. Parents will worry according to the risks they perceive.

What a stupid generalisation.

I remember watching something on BBC Breakfast about this and boys were much more likely to be the victim of some sort of violence thang girls.

My DS has an alarm that he carries as does dd, why would I treat them differently?

I do wish journalists would actually do their research properly, instead of just getting us to write their articles for them.......

Well females are much more likely to get raped and sexually assaulted than males are. They also aren't as physically strong and are less likely to be able to get themselves out of a bad situation.

Boom I think that is what I mean. I know my two brothers were allowed so much more freedom than I ever was growing up.

I also worry more about DD than DS when they're both out late but it's like I can't help it.

Whilst I agree in the most part about teaching resilience.
Actually, it's girls that seem to appear in the news as kidnapped, raped and murdered.
I agree with op, I do worry more about my daughters being affected as mentioned than I do my sons.
Not because either gender are "weaker" but because of worrying stories in the media about the disappearance of girls.

I think YABU. Sorry.

I'm horrifically protective over DS.

YABU

Boys are just as vulnerable as girls. They may be stronger physically (they may not if they are young, or small) but they can be subjected to rape, abduction, abuse, murder just as much as girls. They are more likely to be caught up in brawls or gang violence.

They aren't necessarily emotionally stronger either.

cadbury
Yes women are more likely to be the victim of sexual crime but overall men are a more risk than women from violence. There is a noticeably higher proportion of male murder victims than female for example. Trying to use physical strength rather than social skills to get out of a bad situation may not be a good thing.

Girls are not inherently more vulnerable.

Normal as in "parents tend to actually be more protective of daughters"? Yes.

Normal as in "parents ought to be more protective of daughters, and there's a sound evidential basis for this"? No.

Teenage boys are nearly six times as likely as teenage girls to be assaulted badly enough to require hospital treatment (note that teenage girls are overwhelmingly more likely to require hospital treatment for self-harm; if we want to get "protective" of girls then protecting them by building up their self-image is a better focus of attention).

In 2008 and 2009 there were 124 known victims of murder and manslaughter aged 10-19 in the UK. Of these, 83% were male and only 17% female.

I think girls are more vulnerable to sexual violence. Boys to dying. Not sure that helps much.

Girls are more vulnerable and go through so much more

What an absolute load of old claptrap. I am not one of those women who believes that the only difference between a boy and a girl is genitals and social conditioning - I strongly believe that they are 'wired' to behave differently on the whole but as for girls being more vulnerable, I really don't see why/how.

The thing is cadbury most sexual assaults are by people the victim knows, and frequently committed in the victims home. So not allowing a girl out late is not necessarily much protection agains that sort of risk. And while girls are at greater risk of sexual assault, buys are at greater risk of death. So it isn't as though there isn't good reason to be as protective of them.

*boys, not buys!

FFS what a pile of wank.

Girls aren't made of spun glass and butterflies' wings to be kept in a box.

This kind of crap boils my blood.

i have two dd's and a ds. DD1 is 4, dd2 is nearly 3 and Ds is just turned 1.
I find that DS is much more sensitive than either of the girls were and much more "clingy" for lack of a better description.

I have noticed also that i have much greater expectations of my daughters and their (age appropriate) abilities than i do for my son. I think somewhere in my head i am a judging my daughters capabilities by what i think i was capable of at different times. My son, as a male, is more alien so he does not fall within my point of reference.

That said did anyone see the Horizon last night on BBC2 with Michael Mosely. They were talking about gender differences and how they are largely socially constructed. As a test they had mothers adjust a platform to an angle they felt their babies could crawl down. All the babies could do it but the mothers of boys consistently raised the platform to a steeper and more challenging angle for their sons than other mothers did for their daughters. Implication is that we see boys as more physically capable.

Sexual assault is more common against women and girls, but not unknown against boys (who are less likely to report it, I suspect). Physical assault is more common against boys. Growing up, quite a few boys I knew had experienced random physical assault or being ganged up on by groups of boys or men in some way.

But really, to each child according to his/her need and situation. Working on really broad generalisations is very unlikely to be the best way to help your children stay safe.

In cases of rape, attempted rape and sexual assault against a female victim, in 90% of cases the perpetrator is known to the victim (in 56% of cases it's a partner or ex-partner) (source).

Exactly Abbie. These days women are more drunken and fighty than they used to be I think, but on the whole a boy or a young man is still far, far more likely to be vulnerable to acts of random violence than a female.