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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that OAPS have forgotten what its like to be young or have young children!!

79 replies

crazylady321 · 29/09/2014 22:20

Latest in a long line of comments off random people over the years, so this evening take kids and dogs down the park for a bit and an old couple walking their dog.
Eldest 2 are playing on the climbing net and ds2 (4) is shaking it from the bottom so other 2 are screaming and making lots of noise obviously told them all to calm it down and it was bit dangerous to be shaking it, noticed this old woman proper starring then seemed to say something discreetly to the man and he too started starring at us... I could only presume we must of sounded like a bunch of rif raf I was aware we were making a lot of noise but we were the only people in this part of the park at this point (1 pregnant adult, 4 rowdy kids and 2 crazy dogs can imagine we must of looked a right bunch)

Anyway on way out of park we came across this couple again, ds2 is kicking leaves about at his siblings in a teasing way they couldnt of cared less tbh totally ignoring him. Anyway this woman said as directly walking past us "think that little boy has anger issues". Totally taken aback I said excuse me what exactly are you getting at? She replied to say everytime she has seen him hes lashing out at something or someone! We exchanged a few words and she walked off without a care in the world her husband looked kind of embarrased just followed her with his head down. Turns out we walk past her house on the school run although I havent got a clue where and shes seen him doing other things. He is very boysterous and probilly the most mischeivous of my children but would never say aggresive in fact would probilly say its ds1 with a bit on an anger issue!

I have spent all night really wound up and had to go up in my room for a little cry so kids didnt see me, felt so horrible the children (ds2 inparticular) had to listen to her having a go. Ive told them to totally ignore people like that but its bit hard when their mum is getting so upset about it.

I kinda felt very assertive confronting her as usually I just ignore things like that but still end up beating myself up over it but least that way it doesnt draw attention which confronting her did

Now dreading the school walk as I just have this vision of her peeping through her net curtains to pick faults with something. Like I said further up were a big family and things do get a bit chaotic alot but see much worse behaved children all the time, why the hell should I be made to feel so bad over the kicking of a few leaves?

OP posts:
letmedoit · 29/09/2014 22:25

I bet this 'old' woman was in her 40's!

noticed this old woman proper starring then seemed to say something discreetly to the man and he too started starring at us...

letmedoit · 29/09/2014 22:27

Now dreading the school walk as I just have this vision of her peeping through her net curtains to pick faults with something.

Ageist. NOT [Hmm]

ilovesooty · 29/09/2014 22:30

So she was rude and you felt judged and upset. I can't see how her age is relevant.

Original poster
crazylady321 · 29/09/2014 22:35

Because I have had lots of patronising, judgemental and bloody rude comments at times all off ladies of a certain age! Im not saying all are like this I know plenty of lovely retired ladies but I feel so put down sometimes.

OP posts:
letmedoit · 29/09/2014 22:37

But Crazylady, don't label ALL older people the same as this twat.

I understand that you are upset and this couple do sound like complete prats.
But, not all older people are like this.

Mintyy · 29/09/2014 22:37

Yabu. I think you are spouting nonsense.

letmedoit · 29/09/2014 22:38

meant to say these twats!

ilovesooty · 29/09/2014 22:38

Your thread title generalises. And how do you know she was an OAP anyway?

letmedoit · 29/09/2014 22:41

I don't think the OP being unreasonable.
I think a lot of older people can be unsympathetic and have convenient memory lapses when it comes to younger parents and their offspring.
But, at the same time, there are a lot of fantastic older people out there who love and are understanding of the plight of young mothers.

Minikievs · 29/09/2014 22:41

I think that old people are just louder than younger (or even middle aged, like me!) people. My parents are getting louder the older they get and also are losing any sense of tact or subtlety.
An old lady once made a loud comment about how my DS (3 at the time) should've been in bed rather than eating his dinner in a pub that late. It was 7pm, which is usually his bed time, but we'd been on a lovely day out with my parents, he'd slept in the car and was having a quick tea in the pub as a treat. My DH heard her but didn't tell me until after she'd left as he knew that I would've said something to her about a) her incorrect assumptions and b) being so bloody rude as to make comments about our DS in our earshot

SanityClause · 29/09/2014 22:42

You left the word "some" out of your ageist thread title.

HTH.

Munchmallow · 29/09/2014 22:43

Because I have had lots of patronising, judgemental and bloody rude comments at times all off ladies of a certain age!

Maybe ask yourself why so many 'ladies' are making comments?

theendoftheendoftheend · 29/09/2014 22:43

I'm with you crazy lady Some people are just moody, older moody people (especially women i find!) are more obvious. And yy people with children or grandchildren a similar age do tend to be more understanding IME, I suppose they can more easily empathise with having little ones and what its like.

letmedoit · 29/09/2014 22:43

Older people get more confident with age.
They worry less what people think of them.

I think that is a GOOD thing!

(wish I'd been like that when I was younger Wink}

Original poster
crazylady321 · 29/09/2014 22:43

Ok maybe my title is a little ageist and I know not all are like this but why if my children are so badly behaved have I never had any comments off people may age or around, im nearly 30 btw. I sometimes feel like they think they can say what they want because they are a bit older nobody will argue back.

Taking age away from it if it had been a 20 year old making comments I would of still been upset

OP posts:
letmedoit · 29/09/2014 22:46

OP,
I would love to talk to you again - 20 years down the line!

(YOU will be one of the 'oldies' that you are so disparaging about)

I hope you remember this conversation and are more sympathetic towards the 'old cretins' 40 plus! Shock.

letmedoit · 29/09/2014 22:48

if my children are so badly behaved

why would you type this if it weren't true? Confused

treaclesoda · 29/09/2014 22:50

my DS's behaviour is the stuff of nightmares sometimes and I often find that elderly ladies are particularly understanding of it. I couldn't count the number of times that someone quite elderly has laughed and said 'Ooh, it's 50 years since my son was like that and I still remember it, don't worry, he turned out ok!' with an indulgent shake of the head, and a comment about how it's great to be granny so you only have to do the fun bits.

So, no, I don't find elderly folk to be any more po-faced and judgemental than any other section of society.

morethanpotatoprints · 29/09/2014 22:50

Ha, yes good point. I'd be asking myself why they were making comments if I were you too.

Original poster
crazylady321 · 29/09/2014 22:52

letmedoit I agree with your last comment completely im sorry if ive offended anyone with my title of the thread I can see its just as generalising as to how people are with young mums!! Im just so pissed off and upset.

The buses are the worse places Ive had problems, when had a buggy if im sat with buggy I obviously want my other young children to sit with me to keep a close eye on them but the amount of hassel ive had over it and they always bring the fact you couldnt get prams on buses back then.

A bit of empathy would not hurt sometimes that is all im getting at. I mean if I saw someone of a certain age struggling with shopping or something I wouldnt think twice about offering to help Ive helped my elderly neighbour quite a few times with various things and he is deffinately one of the nice ones :)

OP posts:
flipchart · 29/09/2014 22:52

Maybe your kid is the loud, annoying one and she couldn't help notice him?

ilovesooty · 29/09/2014 22:53

How would you like it if som eoneolder than you came on here having seen one family with less than perfect behaviourand said AIBU to think all large families can't behave in public? It would be equally unfair and absurd.

olgaga · 29/09/2014 22:55

Isn't it also the case that you're more likely to meet older people when you're out and about with the kids in parks etc?

Working age people might be equally judgemental, you just don't see them so often!

letmedoit · 29/09/2014 22:56

Fairplay, crazylady!
Some can be mean!

Im not one of them (even though I'm one of the old hags you speak about lol)

But, I do sympathise with you. As you say, it should go both ways. You help your elderly neighbour with her shopping.....why shouldn't you get a bit of 'niceness' in return.

You sound like a nice person!

SpringBreaker · 29/09/2014 22:57

"Latest in a long line of comments off random people"

a long line???

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