to think that OAPS have forgotten what its like to be young or have young children!!

[crazylady321]

Latest in a long line of comments off random people over the years, so this evening take kids and dogs down the park for a bit and an old couple walking their dog.
Eldest 2 are playing on the climbing net and ds2 (4) is shaking it from the bottom so other 2 are screaming and making lots of noise obviously told them all to calm it down and it was bit dangerous to be shaking it, noticed this old woman proper starring then seemed to say something discreetly to the man and he too started starring at us... I could only presume we must of sounded like a bunch of rif raf I was aware we were making a lot of noise but we were the only people in this part of the park at this point (1 pregnant adult, 4 rowdy kids and 2 crazy dogs can imagine we must of looked a right bunch)

Anyway on way out of park we came across this couple again, ds2 is kicking leaves about at his siblings in a teasing way they couldnt of cared less tbh totally ignoring him. Anyway this woman said as directly walking past us "think that little boy has anger issues". Totally taken aback I said excuse me what exactly are you getting at? She replied to say everytime she has seen him hes lashing out at something or someone! We exchanged a few words and she walked off without a care in the world her husband looked kind of embarrased just followed her with his head down. Turns out we walk past her house on the school run although I havent got a clue where and shes seen him doing other things. He is very boysterous and probilly the most mischeivous of my children but would never say aggresive in fact would probilly say its ds1 with a bit on an anger issue!

I have spent all night really wound up and had to go up in my room for a little cry so kids didnt see me, felt so horrible the children (ds2 inparticular) had to listen to her having a go. Ive told them to totally ignore people like that but its bit hard when their mum is getting so upset about it.

I kinda felt very assertive confronting her as usually I just ignore things like that but still end up beating myself up over it but least that way it doesnt draw attention which confronting her did

Now dreading the school walk as I just have this vision of her peeping through her net curtains to pick faults with something. Like I said further up were a big family and things do get a bit chaotic alot but see much worse behaved children all the time, why the hell should I be made to feel so bad over the kicking of a few leaves?

Of course you get judgemental people in all walks of life you only have to come on forums like this to know that, think its something we are all guilty of at times. Just wish people would keep any opinions to themselves, if a child is kicking leaves at his own siblings then that is my problem its got nothing to do with randoms, yes he is loud at times he is deffinately the most boysterous and attention seeking of my children and deffinately caught her attention.

I'm 49 and I cant be arsed with your kids either but I'd not be rude to anyone or make your life harder. I'd be the old bag staring out of the window :)

I never actually called anyone an old hag im not that much of a bitch letmedoit

without saound ageist again awks I would think she is alot older than you 49 is not old my mothers nearly 60 and she cant be arsed with other peoples kids either

So your kids were kicking leaves and making noise IN A PARK!!! Forget her some people just like sticking their oars in. You said stood up to her and IMO should feel pleased about that, it's hard to do when you're caught off balance by a stranger's rudeness. You've no reason to dread walking past her door, what does it matter if she sees you? What does it matter what she thinks, there will always be judgmental people, there will always be people who think you are doing things wrong no matter what you do (just read the MN boards if you want to see evidence of that across the lifespan). She can't make you feel bad so stop giving her that power over you . BTW I wouldn't be so sure that she walked away without a care in the world, it sounds like she's spent a lot of time getting herself worked up about this, she may be sitting at home worrying that you and your rowdy kids are going to egg her house on the school run tomorrow!

ILovePud Thanks :) your words are very true. Just dont know what shes got to get worked up about I havent even got a clue which is her house im guessing it must be on the main road just before school as think id recognise her if she was off my culdesac or the road leading to it. I wouldnt bother waisting my eggs either. She never said anything about noise although I was aware we were been noisy but in a park with hardly anyone about im not going to go all sergent major qith them, it was the fact he was coming across as aggresive is what she was complaining about

The most judgemental person I ever came across in relation to the (totally reasonable as it happens) behaviour of my DC was a 35 year old neighbour who just didn't like kids.

Having said that sometimes kids can be really badly behaved in public and in the not so distant past it was quite common for random people to take it upon themselves to tell kids off or make critical comments. I remember being on the receiving end of this myself when I was young. Wasn't a bad thing IMO.

Ageism - prejudice against your future self.

I agree that folk as they get older tend to be happier to voice their opinions and not care much about how it goes down. That doesn't mean no one else has those same opinions. People do have opinions. People do look and judge. Most people keep their thoughts to themselves.

Unless a child is actually causing any damage or real disruption in a public place i do think folk should keep their noses out.

I think that a group of children playing in the park is disgraceful op. What kind of mother are you?

Seriously though, I've noticed my parents, (both in their 70's), being very judgemental about young children. Their grandchildren are teenagers or thereabouts now & they seem to put their rose-tinted goggles on when remembering my siblings and I.

Just ignore away op, behave impeccably yourself. If she challenges you again, just say something like,
"Oh thank you, your opinion means so much to me!" Then walk on.

Smile, nod, ignore.
Nothing to do with age.

Just ignore.

My very gentle DS was whacking nettles with a stick he'd picked up as we wandered round a lake in a park, some old goat told him off!!!!

Obviously DCs are not expected to play in the vicinity of older peeps.

Nothing changes- my 6 yr old was told to 'grow up' in a playground! And that was not by an elderly person - it was by a young mother with a toddler!!
Smile, nod, ignore.

Ageism - prejudice against your future self.

Thank you for that wonderful comment, nippiesweetie.

I am so fed up with ageism on Mumsnet.

If you the woman had been black/muslim/disabled you would have had a real slating. But you can get away with ageism. Grump.

YABU. I don't think older women ever forget what its like being young and having children, although they may forget other things.

Ah op ignore.

To be honest I don't agree it's an age thing.

The most judgy ones I found were those without kids yet because of course their kids would never be allowed to behave like that.

They usually change post kids of course. I was that judgy person in my time

Because I have had lots of patronising, judgemental and bloody rude comments at times all off ladies of a certain age!

Maybe ask yourself why so many 'ladies' are making comments?

I agree. I have two "boisterous" children and have never had any comments whatsoever.

Children being noisy? In a park? Surely not

If you've had "lots" of comments, have you ever wondered if you and your children are the problem, instead of these old hags other people?

Unless your child's 'anger' was directed towards that woman I think she she should mind her own business. Why can't a four year old let off a bit of steam in a park? You know your own child better than her.

I am 70 and love kicking leaves about and have been known to spin roundabouts and push swings with shrieking children on them. I loved being a mum and even more love being grandma :) Do not generalise op.

I've had a few comments about my dd from a lady of a certain age.

"Are you sure she's not on drugs, well maybe she should"

"Does she have ADHD"

"She should be too scared to throw tantrums"

FFS she's a 2 year old who sleeps 12 hours at night and runs around non stop for the other 12 and yes if prevented from running around non stop she throws tantrums. This woman was totally different with her first grandchild 20 years ago but has got less and less patient over the years and now in her 70's seems to have forgotten all the changes in child rearing that she embraced with her older grandchildren ie not letting them cry, feeding on demand. She is changing as she gets older. It's very obvious in her attitude towards her 2 youngest grandchildren.

There was this couple on the bus and the woman kept tutting & looking round at a group of children on a school outing. The woman was trying to get me & another woman in conversation about how badly behaved the kids were. But as they weren't they were just talking & not particularly loudly either, we both refused to agree.
Then when I got my stop I rang the bell (in front of mrs busybody's nose) and moved to the door. When the door opened she barged past me (like I was in her way) got off the bus in front of me and turned to me & pointedly said 'THANK YOU'.
Some people are just rude & think they're right & everyone else must agree with them that the world is going to hell in a handcart.
Yes they were 'elderly' but the elderly have no minoploy on such behaviour.